Parenting & behavior in 3 yr old

[jmom08]

This isn't PE related, and I hate to complain about my DH, but I don't know what to do and am hoping some of you have wisdom for me!!

DH grew up in a family & culture that is permissive of what my family would consider poor behavior in little boys (boys = little kings). We've had many discussions about this, and DH agrees in theory with my views on discipline, but in practice, he just won't carry through. He either does nothing when DS acts out, or he uses time out inconsistently. I know acting out is normal at age 3 1/2, but we're really having trouble. I can't get DH to read parenting books (claims he doesn't have time), can't even get him to watch supernanny. He might listen to CDs on a commute, but I haven't found audiobooks of the books that have been recommended to me.

Then, today when I picked DS up at preschool, his teacher told me that DS had problems today with pushing and keeping his hands to himself! Based on how rough DS is at home (and how DH reacts, or fails to), I was worried this would happen, and now it just has to stop. I'm tired of being the bad guy in the house -- several times recently DS has informed me that "daddy is nice and mommy is mean," and especially after all I went through with the pregnancy and DS's early health problems, that really hurts.

So I guess my question is twofold: (1) good parenting books / advice on strongwilled little boys? and (2) short of dragging DH with me to get professional help, does anyone have suggestions on how to get *both* parents on board with consistent discipline?

Thank you in advance... I could do without quite so much stress with #2 in there! :)

[stacey0411]

Ahh~the 3's. I think that whole year is what put the bags under my eyes and gave me my first wrinkles. My husband was not on board with co-disciplining our little girl...until the first time he took her to the store. She knew with Mommy there were consequences to her actions and with Daddy empty threats. So, when he came home mortified by the way she behaved with him when she didn't get her way I reminded him that he has to enforce rules all the time...everytime. A lightbulb went off. So, my recommendation? Public humilation. :)
My problem now? My husband is deployed so when he finally gets back he will feel so guilty about being gone for so long that it will take months to get back to "normal" *sigh*

[milesymommy]

Good luck! Maybe find an example of similiar behavior in a friend or relative that he criticizes? My DH is wonderful... probably a better parent than me. But like all of us he has his moments. Last night he made a crack about me and told our DS to repeat it (I can't remember what is was- maybe about me trying to loose weigh). DH meant it lightheartedly, but I don't want our son to learn to make fun of his parents. I reminded him of his brother & their kids (7&8) - last Thanksgiving they made cracks at the dinner table about their mom's butt. Obviously learned and encouraged by their dad. Jeff and I both agreed then that was wrong & don't want our kids doing it. So a gentle reminder and he understood.

[jmom08]

Thank you both so much for your replies & great advice, it means a lot. Last night I got another commment from DS about daddy being better than mommy, so I definitely appreciate the help! I am so sorry Stacey that your husband is deployed. :( I can't imagine how hard that must be (and here I am complaining). I will be thinking about you guys.