I need some sleep advice

[joker]

Here is the situation. Alison had been sleeping through the night 11-12 hours from two months till recently. Now she goes to sleep fine, but will wake up crying about an hour or two after going to bed. I can go in there and comfort her, but as soon as I stop, she is crying again. And it's a pretty inconsolable cry.

It's gotten to the point where the only way I can get her back to sleep and to sleep through the night is to let her sleep with me. It's not really something I want to continue but I don't know what to do to change this habit she is forming. I've had several people tell me to let her cry it out, but I don't know. I kind of feel like I didn't go through all the * of the last two years to let my baby cry and scream and wonder where her mommy is. I've tried going in there every 5,10,15 min and it just calms her till I leave her room. This last scenario went on for four hours one night.

Any suggestions, tips?

[susheli]

Hi Jen,
it's so nice to hear about you and Alison again, though I'm sorry it's to do with sleep problems.
This may be an obvious question, but do you think she could be teething? That's a number one reason babies stop sleeping well, and wake up again and again needing comfort.
Other reasons may be ear ache (some times mild ear infections can continue for a while undetected even without fever)?
I also found with Aurelia that she always reacted strongly to any changes in our lives and was/is really sensitive to how I especially am feeling...

I am def not a "let your baby cry it out" person and wouldn't ever recommend that. On the contrary, I find there is always a reason why my babies/children cry, it just sometimes take a while - and some help from friends, doctors, etc to figure out what's going on.
Sending hugs and good luck, and let us know how she is,
xox Sush

[joker]

Sush, at first I did think it was teething, but I gave her motrin two nights in a row and the same thing. She was at the doc about a month ago (a few weeks after she started this) and I asked them to check her ears and nothing. I love her, but I just want her to sleep in her own bed again before she is 16!

[susheli]

I understand - HUGS! - and she will!!!
Have to admit that we became co-sleepers with Aurelia - we were not at all so inclined before she was born but it was the only way we could get any sleep. She stayed in our bed until she was two and then moved out on her own. She has been the best sleeper since - unlike many of our friends we have NO problems with bedtimes, nightmares, coming into our bed at night etc ... I truly believe it's because we let her be with us when she needed it. I believe many more people co-sleep with babies than they admit (and there are also safely rules to follow) and if it feels okay for you it can be wonderful for all and allow much better nights, BUT co-sleeping doesn't work for everyone, def not. And since Alison was sleeping in her own bed for months you know she can do it. Another thing I often forget with babies, but that does often work is
a) to explain things to them, and b) to be sure in your mind about your decision.
So if you feel that she isn't hurting anywhere and decide she needs to learn to sleep on her own, maybe talk to her about it. Say that mommy is there, close-by, but that she can't spend all night awake by Alison's bed etc etc. Someone on here suggested talking openly to Aurelia about a difficulty we were both facing while she was asleep and I tried it - the results were amazing.
hang in there - this too will pass!
hugs!
xox Sush

[wrennie]

hey jen, sorry about the sleeping. I dont have much advice. I dont do the cry it out either. Aylah is just now getting 9-10hrs consistently every night. Do you think Alison could be getting hungry? Maybe you could try feeding her more at night? Also do you let her sleep with something? Aylah holds onto one of those blankie things and that seems to help her. Thats about all i got. I hope it gets better soon!

[annes]

We had the same issue with Parker around this age and I admit for a couple months we had him sleep with us. I feel you about having your bed to yourself. For us, we needed to go to work in the morning so lying awake for a couple hours listening to him scream was a less attractive option than letting him sleep with us. We got him back into his own crib after a couple months. Good Luck.

[hols537]

We had trouble with Jonathan sleeping at night. I always checked the following things when we had trouble: reflux medication dose (if it got too low, he would have trouble sleeping at night (but was OK for naps), hunger (I would give him cereal shortly before bed and it helped the reflux and the hunger), pacifier (we had to keep 2 in his room because if he lost it and woke up, we couldn't get him back to sleep easily). We never did co-sleeping because I never could sleep with a baby in the same room as me. I also followed the "Healthy Sleep Habit, Happy Child" book by Dr. Weissbluth. It hasn't steered me wrong yet...even with Alexander at nearly 3 years old it gives me lots of great tips.

If you can't tolerate any version of cry it out, waiting any period of time knowing you're going to go in is probably just teaching her to cry until you come back. I think for cry it out to really work, you have to be pretty committed. My kids both have pretty distinct cries when something is wrong of if they're just complaining. And, when we decided to let them cry (provided the other issues were already addressed), we only went in if it was a cry for something wrong and ignored the "protest cries". Jonathan cried one night for a few minutes and then gave up and slept all night. Sometimes he still will give some complaint cries when he goes to bed, but they rarely last more than a minute (literally like 30 seconds after we shut the door).

Good luck! Not getting sleep is hard. And, sometimes, you just have to do whatever you need to to get some sleep in the short term and try again a few weeks or months later. Highly recommend the book though - it's supportive of all methods (crying or no, co-sleeping or no).

[mnmom]

Jen, just to ease your mind- my 23 yr old and 20 yr old daughters really DON'T sleep with me anymore:) The six and three year olds are hit and miss. Honestly, we went through periods of co sleeping with all of them. I didn't feel strongly about it either way, but I did and still do have very strong feelings about me getting enough sleep! I haven't read any studies that co sleepers are less adjusted as adults. Take care. It does get better.

[hols537]

Just re-reading my post and I just wanted to make sure that it was clear that even though I did cry it out, I completely understand why it doesn't work for others and totally do not judge anyone for choosing whatever sleeping arrangement that works for their family!

Hope you start getting some more sleep soon!

[season]

It is developmentally normal for her to start waking at her age - it could be teething, a new found ability to move around and/or a new sense of separation.

Thee is a huge range of how to respond to the night waking: co-sleeping, cry-it-out and many in between options. First though, make sure their is nothing you can do before she goes to bed that will help. Is she getting enough to eat in the evening? Is the bedtime routine relaxing her enough?. Is her room warm enough? Is she teething and in need of pain medicine?

If you don't want to do cry it out and want to find ways to get her to stay in her bed then I recommend The No Cry Sleep Solution book. They give a range of suggestions in the book - it does support co-sleeping but also supports those for whom co-sleeping is not what they want.