Tantrums

[milesymommy]

I know almost every mother of toddlers deals with this... Miles isn't horrible, but sometimes I just don't know what to do. It's one thing when its dinner time and there's a power struggle over getting bread before eating the main meal (he loves bread and would eat only bread if we let him). But this morning, and many mornings, he had a tantrum about going to daycare. Most days I leave enough time to wake him up slowly, tell him stories, and attempt to minimize a potential tantrum. But today, I was running late. I still told him stories, but it was time to get him dressed and I couldn't keep telling stories. He refused to get dressed, and wanted to stay home, and kicked me when I tried to put his pants on. I end up telling him he'll go to school in underwear, pick him off the bed, and tell him to get in the car. He lies down on the floor and starts crying and says that he wants to stay home... But ultimately he gives in and gets dressed. I felt like mean mommy, but I don't know how to deal with his tantrums when I'm already late. I can't take 20 minutes every morning to get him dressed. I hate resorting to being mean. I hate making him cry. I hate starting the day like this. He still had teardrops on his cheeks when I loaded him in the car.
How do others deal with uncooperative toddlers and tantrums without being mean?

[mother bear]

I don't know. I'd like to know another way too...

[jmom08]

I'm still not sure of the best way to deal with tantrums in the moment (have received different advice), but wanted to say that it does get better!

Also, with DS, it seems like when we can figure out the reason for the tantrum/resistance, if we can address it or get him thinking about something else, sometimes it helps. Maybe it might help him to think about the fun things he'll do that day, or the time you'll spend with him that evening or over the weekend? Sometimes DS and I will have "races" to get him to preschool (race to the potty, race to the back door, race to see who can get in the car first). It is sort of an ongoing challenge to keep him entertained, so I may be back here with the same question next week... =)

[stacey0411]

One thing that was suggested to me when we first started the power struggle was to give them two choices..."Do you want Mommy to help you dress or do you want to do it yourself?" Sometimes you have to ask over and over, but eventually they will choose one. It is amazing how it worked for us. When she didn't want to leave a friend's house..."Do you want to walk or do you want me to carry you?" I just kept repeating till she chose one! It got to where I would only have to ask once.

[mnmom]

Giving choices is a great idea. Some days, though, tantrums are just going to happen. Staying firm and matter of fact is all you can do. Jaden and I have a silly made up word that I use when I think he is starting to go over the edge. Sometimes that is enough to break the mood, sometimes not. But, I figure at least he can associate that feeling of losing control with something. He will even use the word on me if I am getting a little frazzled.

[milesymommy]

Thanks for the advice. Sometimes I try the two choices... sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I like the idea of a silly word. I'll have to try it!