baby after loss

[l412angel]

those of you that have lost a child, how did you deal with your newborn at home...meaning sleep? how did you not worry at night. i find it especially hard since carter was in the nicu for rapid breathing and oxygen in the 80s. now that he is home this is my first night. i am a worry wart.

anyone use the angel monitor thing?

when you swaddle are you supposed to keep their arms in? Carter always gets his out!

[tracym]

Congrats on bringing Carter home! I haven't lost a child, but I was terrified when Kate first came home (5 weeks before her due date). I did use the Angelcare monitor and it was worth every cent. I also had trouble keeping her arms in and she kept waking herself up so I used a miracle blanket (dh called it the baby straightjacket). This was 6 years ago so I'm not sure if you can still get them now, but I managed to do the same sort of thing with a big muslin wrap.

Good luck and enjoy

[rebecca2]

First, I'm happy to hear Carter is home!

As for dealing with a preemie/NICU newborn after a loss....well, that one is tricky. I worried constantly! Aden slept in a bassinet next to my bed for several months and I would wake up every hour or two just to make sure he was breathing. This went on until about 3 months and I was completely sleep deprived, when I finally bought an Angel Care monitor. I didn't get one at first because the neonatologist didn't recommend them. She said they aren't proven to prevent SIDS and she thought the false alarms would create more panic. However, I think it is well worth the $ for the piece of mind it gave me. Even though they can't prevent SIDS, I knew if he stopped breathing I would wake up and could try to help him. My only regret with that monitor is that I didn't get it sooner! I was finally able to sleep for 4-6 hours stretches without waking up to check on him. I plan on getting a 2nd one when DS#2 arrives in what I hope will be a few months.

If you go with this monitor, I recommend getting the one with 2 sensor pads. I purchased it from Amazon and it was cheaper than the single sensor ones in my local stores. I haven't had any false alarms--except when DH or I would get him out of the crib and forget to turn off the monitor.

[faitaccompli]

I have not had a loss, but we did have an early birth (34 weeker) and we did use an Angelcare monitor. I think it was the only reason I slept. I KNEW it would not prevent SIDS (in that once the alarm sounds it *might* be too late to do something) but knowing that the alarm had NOT sounded meant that I could rest without checking all the time if she was still breathing. She still slept in a bassinet next to our bed for the first six months or so, until she was too big for it and could roll over.

We JUST stopped using the motion sensor about a month ago - and my daughter is now two! It never went off because she had stopped breathing, but it did go off a few times because she had moved to the side of her crib. The one breathing incident we did have she choked on some mucus, we heard the noise on the monitor (it was in the evening - she was asleep but we were still awake) and found her. The monitor did not prevent that but it did provide some peace of mind.

[kathrynb]

Congratulations on bringing Carter home!

I have not suffered a loss. However, my son Jacob, was born at 34 weeks due to devere PE and was in the NICU for respiratory distress and other issues. So far I have been told two very reassuring things that have really helped me to relax. It used to scare me to death when his monitors would alarm in the NICU. A nurse told me once "look at your baby, not the monitors. As long as he is pink, you have nothing to worry about". That bit of advice has spared me A LOT of stress, though of course it doesnt hold up for night time when you are sleeping. Then after we came home and took Jacob to see his pediatrician for the first time, the pediatrician told us that if the NICU felt that he was ready to come home and didn't send him home with any monitors, we can be assured that he is ready for that.

Jacob has only been home for a little over a week and he is our first. I was nervous enough about having a newborn and having a premie is even more nerve-wracking. I can't imagine your added stress since you know the pain of loosing a child. For me, I become more comfortable, confident, and relaxed with each passing day.

As for sawaddling, you can do it either way. The person who taught our family care class said that tucking their arms is best because they have a a startle reflex where their arms sort of jerk and it wakes them up. She said babies sleep longer with their arms swaddled in. I have found that to be true. Sometimes, though, it seems to cause Jacob stress to have his arms tucked and it seems better to let him have them out. He uses a pacifier and he likes to put his hand over the paci to keep it in his mouth. Basically, if he is using his paci, I let him keep his arms out most of the time. If not, I tuck them in. Jacob tends to get his arms out a lot too, even when I try to tuck them. I want to try the Halo Sleep Sack, but I haven't made it out to the store to pick one up yet. If I ever manage to get one, I'll let you know how it works .