seeking general "how to" advice

So, the baby's born, what comes next? Discuss your postpartum and parenting concerns here.
meljoi
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Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2004 07:50 am

Re : seeking general "how to" advice

Postby meljoi » Sat Jan 29, 2005 07:27 am

Catherine-
I feel for you! Peyton is not "high needs", but he is "ahead of the curve" as far as his Dr. is concerned. He is learning at the age of a 5yr old and he just turned 4 in Decmeber. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaing about this at all, however he needs constant stimulation-his quest for knowledge is exhausting...then throw a two and a half month old Lucy into the mix! ARGH! Laundry gets done when it gets done......DH no longer walks into a hot meal after work, but instead helps out with dinner. If it's a good night, something might be started when he walks in the door. House cleaning......well, the dust bunnies fend for themselves! DH will help out with that on the weekends. And don't gross out, I haven't showered in quite a few days! Lucy usually sits in the bouncy while I am showering and P plays on his computer-that's if I find the time to shower! My photography is on the back-burner which upsets me greatly.....however, you only get a chance to raise these critters once, so my photos will have to wait. I find myself setting one small goal a day for myself (which makes me feel pathetic)-yesterday it was grocery shopping, with two-YES! it does take all day.....from start to finish.....getting everyone dressed and cleaned up....getting there, getting home....groceries wind up sitting in the car for almost an hour after shopping because Lucy is STARVING (or so the neighbors might think...I know otherwise!) DH now realizes the work involved in being a sahm after he had his accident. Him being home for 3 months REALLY helped my point of view out! He no longer says that I have a time management issue......I wish I had time to manage is more the issue!!!
Big hugs girl.....hang in there....you are in VERY good company!!!!

Melissa Joi 32
DH Jeremy 43
mama to Peyton John 12/04/00 (severe pre-e @ 38wks)
Lucy Isabelle born 11/16/04-normal, healthy pregnancy!
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/l/lucyisabelle/

jenandtheboys
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Re : seeking general "how to" advice

Postby jenandtheboys » Fri Jan 28, 2005 07:26 pm

Don't really have much to add, just echoing what others (including my sis Meg) have said. I have a 3 1/2 year old DS who is most certainly high-needs and always has been. I remember those days of putting him in a booster seat on the floor right outside the shower, sprinkling the tray with Cheerios, then jumping in long enough to at least wash my hair![8D] Like everyone has said, we have piles of dirty laundry that are taller than I am, although I manage to keep the kids' stuff washed, I just don't have anything clean for myself or DH. He does help though, and most of it gets done on weekends, along with dishes, etc. Now my 10 month old is crawling one way, 3 year old running the other way, and it keeps me on my toes. I'm trusting in what some of the "experienced" around here are saying.....it does get better eventually. Someday we will have clean houses again, hobbies, etc. No time for that right now, between caring for the boys and my part-time teaching job a couple of hours each day. Best of luck, and remember we're all in the same boat!


Jennifer, proud mom of:
Andrew Logan, 8/10/2001, 29 weeks, 2 lbs. 15 oz. (PE)
Ethan Hunter, 3/8/2004, 27 weeks, 1 lb. 9 oz. (PE and IUGR)

akemt
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Re : seeking general "how to" advice

Postby akemt » Thu Jan 27, 2005 10:16 am

Hey Sara, Time to change that signature, don't you think! Congratulations again and thanks.

Catherine (23), Moderator
DH Britton (28)
Emma Margaret (03/02/03) 37 wks PIH & Oligo
Lara Julianne (07/31/04) 38 wks Borderline PIH

sarab
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Posts: 2950
Joined: Thu May 08, 2003 04:50 pm
Location: Utah

Re : seeking general "how to" advice

Postby sarab » Wed Jan 26, 2005 08:08 pm

Oh Catherine, it sounds like you are doing a great job! I must admit that I have it easy (and I KNOW it!) because Maggie is a pretty mellow, easy-going gal. Maybe I'll post in again in a few weeks because who knows what'll happen when Logan gets home...

I just wanted to say that I think you're all doing a wonderful job and keep your chins up! I know that's not really helpful advice, but just know that I really admire you all!

Sara, 24
Local Coordinator, Utah
Moderator, "After Your Baby is Born"

DH, Scott, 26
Maggie Lylas, 6/9/03 29 weeks, severe superimposed pe
Logan Scott, due 1st week March 2005

http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/m/maggielylas/

deerhart
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Re : seeking general "how to" advice

Postby deerhart » Sat Jan 22, 2005 10:38 am

Catherine
Alex is like that in many large groups, for him its a mixture of his language delay and being nervous. Plus, he can easily feed off the energy of a crowd and get himself worked up and over stimulated, which makes it even harder for him to operate and pay attention (not that he's not able to focus, but rather he's so curious to see what everone is dong and take everything in as well that it makes it harder).

There is a board over at ivillage.com on parentsplace I do beleive that is devoted to highneeds/spirited kids, there may also be one at parentsoup as well.

I get a bit lucky as my parents have 20+ years experience dealing with a spirited kid they have osme things down pat and can pass the info on to me =)
Erin

Moderator - Parents of Preemies
Missouri State Coordinator
Mommy to Alex (4)and Mason (1 1/2)
Law Student - 1 year done, 2 to go

lisamk
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Posts: 244
Joined: Mon Mar 29, 2004 02:45 pm

Re : seeking general "how to" advice

Postby lisamk » Fri Jan 21, 2005 02:21 pm

Catherine, we're living the same life. :) To shower I have to put Anna in the bathtub with toys, put Ava in her bouncy seat and hop in the shower. Before Ava, and when Anna was younger, I had to put towels on the floor so I could keep the shower door cracked open. Thank goodness we have a shower separate from the tub! If we didn't I'd probably drag her high chair in the bathroom, or close by, and give her playdoh or something easy to pick up.

I load/unload the dishwasher while she's eating breakfast.

I have had to lower my standards for laundry: Everyone in the house has their own 'clean clothes' laundry basket and I just sort the clothes into them. It took a lot of work for me to let go of that Laundry Must Be Put Away guilt, but I'm getting over it.

Declutter is hard. Cooking is easier if I let her pull up a chair and "help" (help = taste test all of the ingrediants).

It's hard having such a high needs child :( and it's even harder to explain to people why it's so hard, but I understand completely.

Once someone has spent about... 24 hours around her, they get it. Most people tell me they'd start drinking heavily. LOL

Lisa
~ Sebastiana - Jan 2002
~ Ava - Sept 2004

paljane8
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Re : seeking general "how to" advice

Postby paljane8 » Fri Jan 21, 2005 11:43 am

Part of that is just age and part of it is she identifies her comfort level at home with you and with her sister.

Nancy Eastwood
Moderator

akemt
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Joined: Sun Feb 09, 2003 07:35 pm

Re : seeking general "how to" advice

Postby akemt » Fri Jan 21, 2005 10:42 am

I don't think Emma has that...she always seems to know we are talking to her, but just won't obey, etc. Now, DH on the other hand...LOL

And I wouldn't know what to think about the "consistancy." She sometimes becomes withdrawn when around other children, talking less and going into more of a "study" mode, so I would say no. I actually have worried about that a bit. She is too young for school, but when she goes to nursery at church, the teachers have said that she doesn't talk much (never stops at home!) but that atleast what she does say is very understandable. Though, she does interact with the other children. Then at play group she is pretty independant. I'm thinking she just can't play with large groups, but needs more one-on-one type interaction.

Sorry, that is off-topic!

Catherine (23), Moderator
DH Britton (28)
Emma Margaret (03/02/03) 37 wks PIH & Oligo
Lara Julianne (07/31/04) 38 wks Borderline PIH

deerhart
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Posts: 3282
Joined: Thu Jan 30, 2003 08:54 am

Re : seeking general "how to" advice

Postby deerhart » Fri Jan 21, 2005 10:30 am

Catherine

Its called hyeper focusing, which basically means that the child/adult is able to focus on certain items for long lengths of time but cannot do this with most things (for example I can sit down to read a book and become so focused on it that nothing will interupt me.. not even someone talking to me at all, in fact I will never actually know they spoke to me). I didn't really get how they connect it to things like ADD and Autism, but they do.

As for ADD being diagnosed, the pyschatrist we saw told us that ADD/ADHD occurs in 5-7% of the population yet 15-20% of children are being prescribed medication for ADD/ADHD. This means that roughly half of the children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD really don't have it, but rather probably have behavorial issues caused by other things like intelligence, learning disabilities, and personality.

Another thing to look for is consistant behavior in all settings. An ADD/ADHD child should signs of the condition in all settings, thus if they are only acting up at school and not at home that can be a sign the problem may be something else.

Jennifer well at 3 things start to change some becuase kids are more willing to entertain and play by themselves (and order you AWAY hehe). Also the challenges start to change some, but the maturity helps them to be able to control some of the energy plus its easier to channel the energy into quieter activities(plus a lot less tantrums!) I am hoping that when Mason hits 3 he starts to lose some of the I must touch everything within my reach and try to destroy it phase and the I must try to get into absoultely everything I can pahse and we can put those behind us finally.

Erin

Moderator - Parents of Preemies
Missouri State Coordinator
Mommy to Alex (4)and Mason (1 1/2)
Law Student - 1 year done, 2 to go

akemt
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Posts: 4961
Joined: Sun Feb 09, 2003 07:35 pm

Re : seeking general "how to" advice

Postby akemt » Fri Jan 21, 2005 10:23 am

Jennifer, Babycenter has a support group! LOL Obviously not the sit around in a circle kind, but an internet one. It is SO nice to know you aren't alone even though all your friends have no idea what you are talking about. I'll email you the link...and anyone else, just let me know!

Catherine (23), Moderator
DH Britton (28)
Emma Margaret (03/02/03) 37 wks PIH & Oligo
Lara Julianne (07/31/04) 38 wks Borderline PIH


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