Count me in to the insane asylum too then. I just had my 2nd in June, and even though the pregnancy went pretty well (just low-ish fluid the last month), a big part of me is never wanting to go through that stress again. But then there's the other part... the part that wonders if this is the last time I'll experience a babies' first laugh, or first smile, or last time I'll nurse a baby... and that makes me sad. It has been really cool to see Daniel jump into the big brother role. He adores his sister. He pushes everyone aside to greet her first thing every morning. He holds her hand in the car and cheers her up. It's precious, and I won't get to see that with Natalie as she's the end of the line... maybe?
I count myself really blessed to have 2 living children. 7 years, 5 pregnancies, fertility threatened with one miscarriage, and 2 lives threatened with Daniel's birth. It's enough to say, yeah, I'm done. I thought my OB would do a dance when I talked about sterilization at my post-op. But instead I heard, "No no no no no."
He pretty much begged me not to do anything permanent right now. I guess he's met enough women like us who have second thoughts later. And he's the incurable optimist who likes to win. He thinks we figured things out last time (treat the luteal phase and manage pregnancy with blood thinners). But I know it's no sure bet.
I used to be downright cynical about people who wanted that perfect birth "experience". Like whatever, if you want an experience, go to a concert. My whole goal in it was to come out alive with a live baby. There's a wide gap there. I'll admit now that I've softened a whole lot on that front. The birth of your child is one of the most amazing moments of your life. I can say that now that I've been awake to experience it (planned awake C section vs. emergent one under general). I would be friggin awesome to push that baby out at home with no drugs and everything be completely normal. I'm sincerely overjoyed for those who get to have that. I'll live vicariously through them.
But for me and for now, I'm enjoying all the new fun stuff my 3 year old is doing. I try to focus on that. I love taking care of this new baby, but I do look forward to the freedom in having children a little older. Maybe that's my coping mechanism.