Coming to Terms with Being Done

Are you considering having another child after preeclampsia? Trying again after preeclampsia can be an emotional challenge. You can find support with others who share your concerns here.

Coming to Terms with Being Done

Postby MomTimesThree » Thu Aug 23, 2012 08:36 pm

It seems we've spent the last 5 years either trying to get pregnant or being pregnant. Not doing either... that's something new, and I'm really not quite sure how to transition into this new phase... and find peace with it.

I went into our 3rd pregnancy feeling very sure that we were done, and also 110% sure that it was going to be an easy pregnancy, that the troubles with the previous two were totally a fluke. Now that it's over I feel very sad? disappointed? unsure? that we're done and never got the chance at normal, and doubly so that it's recommended that we not get pregnant again anyway. Intellectually I know we need to close up shop, this last pregnancy was much more difficult, and the recovery was not the magic give birth poof everything is normal again as it was after our 2nd. Emotionally though... well, that's a different story.

So I'm wondering from all the awesome mommas here... how do you... did you come to terms with being done and moving forward?
2008-Our Baby Girl, PTL born too early at 30w6d, Fought so hard... Forever Loved & Missed
2010- Lil' Bro, Pre-E at 29 weeks... Induced at 36w6d, Born 37w
2012- Lil' Sis, Super-imposed pre-e at 25 weeks, PTL & GD at 35 weeks, Evicted 36w
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Re: Coming to Terms with Being Done

Postby laughinggirl127 » Sat Oct 06, 2012 03:16 am

Ok so I thought that maybe I was the only one. My husband thinks that I am crazy. We had our third child in july. It was not a great pregnancy, never did develop pree but had high blood pressure, horrible heartburn and sciatic nerve pain the whole time. I had my tubes tied so no more kids for us. Financially and health wise it was the best decision but it seems to be sitting uneasy with me for some reason. I guess the part where I felt that I had to get my tubes tied and I didn't really get to make the decision not to have anymore. Not sure that my body could take another pregnancy at this point. I am not sure how to move forward or come to terms with it. Everyone I seem to mention it to looks at me like I have lost my mind. If you find any good tips could you pass them on this way?
DS born 2003- 39 weeks preeclampsia, 6LBS 7oz
DD born 2009-32 weeks preeclampsia, 3LBS 1oz
DD born 2012-38 weeks, PIH, IUGR 5lbs 4oz- no pree
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Re: Coming to Terms with Being Done

Postby danielsmom » Mon Oct 08, 2012 01:49 pm

Count me in to the insane asylum too then. I just had my 2nd in June, and even though the pregnancy went pretty well (just low-ish fluid the last month), a big part of me is never wanting to go through that stress again. But then there's the other part... the part that wonders if this is the last time I'll experience a babies' first laugh, or first smile, or last time I'll nurse a baby... and that makes me sad. It has been really cool to see Daniel jump into the big brother role. He adores his sister. He pushes everyone aside to greet her first thing every morning. He holds her hand in the car and cheers her up. It's precious, and I won't get to see that with Natalie as she's the end of the line... maybe?

I count myself really blessed to have 2 living children. 7 years, 5 pregnancies, fertility threatened with one miscarriage, and 2 lives threatened with Daniel's birth. It's enough to say, yeah, I'm done. I thought my OB would do a dance when I talked about sterilization at my post-op. But instead I heard, "No no no no no." :o He pretty much begged me not to do anything permanent right now. I guess he's met enough women like us who have second thoughts later. And he's the incurable optimist who likes to win. He thinks we figured things out last time (treat the luteal phase and manage pregnancy with blood thinners). But I know it's no sure bet.

I used to be downright cynical about people who wanted that perfect birth "experience". Like whatever, if you want an experience, go to a concert. My whole goal in it was to come out alive with a live baby. There's a wide gap there. I'll admit now that I've softened a whole lot on that front. The birth of your child is one of the most amazing moments of your life. I can say that now that I've been awake to experience it (planned awake C section vs. emergent one under general). I would be friggin awesome to push that baby out at home with no drugs and everything be completely normal. I'm sincerely overjoyed for those who get to have that. I'll live vicariously through them. :D

But for me and for now, I'm enjoying all the new fun stuff my 3 year old is doing. I try to focus on that. I love taking care of this new baby, but I do look forward to the freedom in having children a little older. Maybe that's my coping mechanism.
Miscarriage Feb 05 & Dec 07
Daniel born Feb 09 at 27w5d, 1 lb 1 oz/12 inches (severe IUGR) due to Severe Pre-E & HELLP. Now tall for age and no complications.
Diagnosed with MTHFR
Cornual Ectopic miscarriage Mar 11
Natalie born 6-5-12 at full term, 7 lb 11 oz & 21.5 inches, progesterone 2-8 weeks (for suspected luteal phase defect), lovenox 6-29 weeks, lda 0-36 weeks, folic.
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Re: Coming to Terms with Being Done

Postby MomTimesThree » Sun Oct 14, 2012 01:44 am

Thank you ladies. While I certainly wish I was alone dealing with these emotions, misery certainly does love company and it's comforting to know there are others that struggle with mixed feelings.

I'm still vacillating between being at peace with our two here and missing and wanting another chance at normal. It's really caught me off guard since we went into our 3rd pregnancy sure it was the last.
2008-Our Baby Girl, PTL born too early at 30w6d, Fought so hard... Forever Loved & Missed
2010- Lil' Bro, Pre-E at 29 weeks... Induced at 36w6d, Born 37w
2012- Lil' Sis, Super-imposed pre-e at 25 weeks, PTL & GD at 35 weeks, Evicted 36w
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