How do you get over the fear?

[lesliec]

Hi Everyone,

We'll be TTC #3 in a few months and I'm scared to death! I mean I have a big healthy baby now, but it was a tough road getting there. Mostly for me. I was in the hospital 3 times due to my severe hbp and that was while I was on 800mg of labatelol! I was on bedrest from 20 weeks and I saw the doctor at least once a week, sometimes twice. I was a mess!

By bp is normal, but I'm taking medication to keep it that way. I have no idea if all this will happen again, but I'm really nervous it will. How on earth will I be able to take care of a toddler while on bedrest?

I guess I'm just nervous and I needed to vent! :)

Any thoughts?

**Leslie**
24 weeks pg! [:D] It's a BOY!
Married to Joe, 3-9-03
Mom to Tony, 2-2-92
On bedrest since 20 weeks for PIH! [:(]

[angelkat]

Hi Leslie,

There really is no answer to your question. Fear is something we all live with while preg since we have been thru the horrors of PE.

I would say the best thing is to have a precons consult with your peri to see what type of care plan will be needed...

Good Luck to you!!!
And as always, we are always around to help with the fears!!

Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(13)PE 37 wks
Ky (11)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey Looking at Aug
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V

[norlisa k]

I second that--you never really get over the fear. A preconception consult with the perinatologist will help, and having a totally awesome doctor will help. I think that it helps bigtime actually, to help keep those fears at bay when you have a great doc and nurse who you know looks out for you and knows your history and who is familiar with preeclampsia. But, the fear is always there. And I second also--we are always here to help with the fears!

Hugs,
Norlisa

Norlisa Keffer(35), Washington State Coordinator / Moderator, Mothers of Multiples / Co-Moderator, Trying to Conceive
DH, Gordon (37)
Joseph/Josephine Our Angel in Heaven (9/16/02)
Mary Frances and Samuel (a.k.a. Frankie and Sammy) 38 2/7 weeks, 5/26/03, no preeclampsia during pregnancy, mom severe high blood pressure problems post-partum

[megansmom]

I just want to reiterate what the others had to say. I don't think you ever get over the fear, you just learn to deal with it. It is now a part of your life. It really helped me to go to a new doctor and talk it over with him. It really helped to find a doc I trust and like. Also like the others said, we are always here. It helps to talk to those who have been there, and to hear the stories of those that went on to have successful pregnancies. Best of luck to you! Keep in touch!

~Amanda
Mama to Megan, severe PE with mild HELLP at 34 wks

[julie f]

Leslie,

I can't add anything new to what the others have already said but, just wanted to wish you luck. If I knew a way to get past the fear, yall would be the first to know...

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 9, 2005!!!!

Southern California Coordinator

[ann marie]

Leslie,

Sounds like we had pretty similar pregnancy experiences. It made me so angry when before Luke was born and even after people would say. In your next pregnancy...., Next time this won't happen...., Don't you just want a houseful of babies he's so cute... I wanted to scream I don't know if there will be a next time. For so long we didn't know if Luke was going to be born healthy. My answer to family and friends is that Luke is a miracle baby (as all pe babies are) and that we are going to treasure him and not think about having another.

In answer to your question I don't think you can ever forget the stress of a pe pregnancy nor should you. It is a pivotol life experience. I think what having that experience can do is help you to tresure your child and can help you to be pro-active in future pregnancies.

Saying all of that dh and I talked about having more children this past weekend. (Early I know...can't hardly believe we talked about it out loud). I think maybe in a year we'll try again. I told him if this pregancy is complicated, this is it. I can do bedrest/worry/stress, etc. one more time...don't ask me how. (We too would have a toddler at that time). One thing pe and bedrest taught me is to take it one day at a time and some how things work out one way or another.

So what all this rambling is trying to say is that I know how you feel. This is a great place to share. Feel free to vent anytime. And good luck ttc[:I]

Ann Marie (29)
DH: Matt (32)
PIH/PE/Low Amniotic Fluid
Luke 3/17/04--37 weeks after 15 weeks of bedrest

[susan belisle]

Hello-

This is my first post. I am looking into ttc and fear is a big factor in our decison process. I lost my first baby at 20 wks. The offical diaginois was "It was a fluke". Not the answer we needed. In fact that happened 3 yrs ago today [:(]. Two months later we were pg with my dd. I was terrified that we would have another fluke and told NOBODY that I was pg until after we cleared 20 weeks. At 28/29 weeks my bp was 160/90 and Carly was born a week later. She weighed 3 lbs 6 ounces and doing great today. But I still have high bp. Pg induced hyper-tention. [V] So I worry that I could have a baby with a sever birth defect or that I could get pre-e again earlier and have complication with an early birth. There are a million reason for me not to go ahead and ttc again. But underneath all of my fear there is a driving ray of hope that says just do it.[^] I pray continusly asking for a sign. Something to tell me not to want another baby. It hasn't come. I have had some signs but nothing to make me lose my ray of hope. So maybe we just except and respect that fear is a normal resonable feeling and trust that little voice that says...Then again maybe everything will work out just fine.

Susan
Interuption 06/23/01 @20 wks
Carly 04/24/02 born 10 wks early
ttc again with pg induced hypertention

[lesliec]

Thanks you all so very much for all your replies. I think the main thing for me is knowing that not only am I not alone in having a rough pregnancy, but also that I';m not some freak for being scared to do it all again.

I do know I want another child. I wish I could take a lot more time to get myself in shape both physically and mentally, but unfortunatly, at my age, (40) I really don't have tons of time!

But like I said, it's nice to know I'm not alone in my feelings! :)

Susan, I'm sorry for your loss.. I had 2 m/c's and I heard that "it's a fluke" thing too. It's awful!! :(

**Leslie**
Married to Joe, 3-9-03
Mom to Tony, 2-2-92 (36wks)
Mom to Richie, 8-21-03 (35wks)
On bedrest from 20 weeks with PIH
www.babiesonline/babies/r/richardstanley

[norlisa k]

This one goes out to Susan - I am so sorry for the loss of your child three years ago today. And I'm also sorry about the answer that you got at that time.

The fears will always be there. I hope that you do find the best medical care possible. Someone who'll give you straight answers, really watch out for you, and who is very knowledgeable about the signs of PIH and preeclampsia. Those doctors exist; I really hope that you find one who will keep your fears at bay and help you hold onto that hope. For what it's worth, I also have chronic hypertension, and my doctor still gives my husband and I hope that we can do this again.

And as many of us have said, if you do ttc again, you'll have a lot of support here [:I]

Many hugs to you,
Norlisa

Norlisa Keffer(35), Washington State Coordinator / Moderator, Mothers of Multiples / Co-Moderator, Trying to Conceive
DH, Gordon (37)
Joseph/Josephine Our Angel in Heaven (9/16/02)
Mary Frances and Samuel (a.k.a. Frankie and Sammy) 38 2/7 weeks, 5/26/03, no preeclampsia during pregnancy, mom severe high blood pressure problems post-partum