I am so sorry for your loss! And then to find the courage to do it all again is hard enough. To hear, even if well intended, to try to go a different route rather than trying on your own, is not helping matters either. It seems that people don't hear you or don't even take you seriously. I have heard the same from some of my friends also. Depending on my mood I answer in different ways. I either ignore it, or just say "hm, yes", or I tell them that this is not the way to go for us right now. Since it has bothered me so much to hear these things over and over again, me and my husband have come up with a plan. We have decided to try as long as we can. We do everything possible to bring home our own baby, until we both feel, we can't or don't want to do this anymore. When we feel that we are done with trying on our own, we'll decide what to do next. Until then, we are working on our own. I stopped talking about it with most of my friends and family.
Try not get discouraged, your friends probably mean well and are emotionally invested. They might be scared or feel helpless too. For them it might seem the easiest to provide you with a simple solution, and hope that this will just stop the pain.
I found it helpful by seeing a therapist (talking through it all) and finding a good MFM whom I trust.
Sending you hugs.
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011Henry
(1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeksMatilda
(Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE
Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/