Having Second Thoughts

[fineolin]

Hi all,

Last night, DH and I had a serious talk about TTC. He thinks we should wait a little longer before TTC. He is not sure if this is worth my life. Although I am afraid of dying, I cannot let that fear dictate my life. He will do whatever I want because he loves me and will go along with what I want. However, i want him to be completely on board. I want only positivity, and any negativity gives me second thoughts. I am turning 39 in April 2011, and I have an underlying disease. If I wait so many things can change. My disease can become active and at that point I would have to wait at least 6 months to try again. I love my DH, however, I just do not think some men understand that we all cannot just sit and wait. Is anyone else having second thoughts? How are you overcoming those thoughts?

[riehlism]

I think what helped my husband and I decide to move forward with another pregnancy depended a lot on our trust in my health care providers. We definitely educated ourselves, but we are also fortunate enough to be working with many doctors who are attentive and excellent in their field.

I almost died, which was why my son had to be delivered. What comforts me is that while I may get sick again, I have providers who won't let me get that sick. If my next pregnancy is not a good outcome, I am confident that I will be safe and we can try again.

Having underlying conditions and increased maternal age is a definite concern. But I do agree that living in fear and what ifs, frankly, sucks. I have always wanted to have a family. Armed with knowledge and an excellent medical team, I would do it. The important thing is to not just get pregnant without a plan.

I went to pre-conceptual counseling with my MFM and discussed our options for TTC, what to my pregnancy plan would be.

And I can definitely understand your husband's concern. My husband was very traumatized by what happened. My husband dragged his feet about it too until he realized getting as sick, was probably not going to happen because of how closely they will be watching me.

Good luck!

[fineolin]

I do feel better knowing that I am going to be watched closely by my doctors. I was so sure
I was going to have a successful pregnancy the first time, that I am so apprehensive this time. I have decided to leave it all up to God. I can only control so much. Although I am worried and afraid, the one thing I am sure of, is that I do not want to be 42 wondering why I did not try again when I was 38. I don't want to regret, and that's one thing I know I will feel if I do not try again.

[fineolin]

I do feel better knowing that I am going to be watched closely by my doctors. I was so sure
I was going to have a successful pregnancy the first time, that I am so apprehensive this time. I have decided to leave it all up to God. I can only control so much. Although I am worried and afraid, the one thing I am sure of, is that I do not want to be 42 wondering why I did not try again when I was 38. I don't want to regret, and that's one thing I know I will feel if I do not try again.

[rosalinda]

Trying again after a loss is an EXTREMELY hard decision to make. The thought of dying is always in the back of our mind.
That said, having a wonderful specialist who will listen to you is a must. You are also now aware and know what signs & symptoms to look for, so
that when things start looking or feeling funny you can get checked out right away.

[holly3372@msn.com]

I just turned 39 this month. I know what you are feeling. Our only son died this past August he was 26 weeks and lived for 4 months in the nicu. I am so scared but conflicted with trying again. My husband is really scared too,he will rarely come near me these days in fear of getting me pregnant(he is so sfariad to lose me and or another baby).....hmmmm what to do. Never thought these things would be an issue in my life. Then I think of all the women that did go on to have another baby and I think,yeah ok I'll give it one more chance,one more.

[lornarose]

Fineolin
I am sending you lots of positive thoughts. I am trying to make a decision in ttc also. I am hoping that my heart will finally give me the answer and I know that it is ultimately down to me. Does your underlying condition make you more receptive to treatment, if so, that could be a positive. While I am also terrified of dying, I suppose the chances are less second time around as I'm sure you're watched more carefully. do not let age concern you. Loads of women have babies over 35. My dad was born when my grandmother was 41 and my mother to a my then 38 year old grandmother. a coworker of mine had boys at 37 and 40. I know there are more risks but being a plus 35 mom is the new norm. I wish you so much love and luck, I hope you come to the right decision for you and you find peace. loads of love, lorn

[fineolin]

Thank you everyone for the positive words. Although I am afraid of dying, I am more afraid of not living. I am so grateful that the possibility even exists that i can try again. I am armed with knowledge of this disease, and my doctors will watch me closely. I do not know if I will ever be ready, however, I have to give myself a chance. I planned so much the first time that now I just want to let things happen as they are supposed to happen. I am so tired of trying to control everything. I just want to relax, and surround myself with positivity. As someone once said: the biggest risk a person takes, is not taking a risk at all. I firmly believe having a baby is a risk worth taking. I wish all of use luck and success on this new journey.