What to do...?

[susan belisle]

I have been rolling around these thoughts and ideas in my head for weeks now and though I would come to you ladies to hear your two cents.

What to do about how others react to hearing about us (mostly me) wanting to have another baby. Like most of you I am very high risk. I lost my first at 20 weeks and Carly was born at 30 weeks. So I usually joke and say I keep beating my record by 10 weeks so I am bound to make it to 40 next time. But everyone around me is scared to death about the though of me having another pg/baby. When I talk to folks about the idea of wanting another baby everyone looks at me like I am crazy. "Are you sure you want to go though all that again?" They ask. "Well you almost died last time!" They say. "I wouldn't do it if I were you. It's to risky." I hear over and over. And they are right to some degree. But dispite everything I still want to at least try to have another baby. And when I do discuse the issue with folks I try to remind them that I am not going about this stupidly. I have meet with my Family Dr. two teams of Cardologist and I have a team of 8 high risk doctors at my side and I even meet with Carly's NICU Dr and nursing team to talk to them about going through this again. And last but not least I have found all of you to help us work though this decision. I am not blind to the risk and I am scared about the worst possible outcome. But I am not scared enough to give up hope for a happy healthy baby. How have you approched this wall??

Also does this board have spell check. I am a terriable speller.

And T (AngelKat) What is HNT stand for?

Susan
Interuption 06/23/01 @20 wks
Carly 04/24/02 30 wks 3lbs 6 oz
ttc again with pg induced hypertention

[wcarder]

I know exactly how you feel, and my husband is the most afraid of them all, which makes it very hard. People who love you are going to worry, and that is understandable. I don't yet know how to cope with the issue of friends and families fears, or my own fears for that matter, but you are certainly not alone. For me, I have found a lot of encouragement here. I too had my little girl at 30 weeks. But, when I hear stories of people who suffered so much more than I did and they have enough faith to try again, because they know that their family is not complete, I am less afraid. Other people may not understand your desire to have another baby, but we all do. I certainly do. Just stay strong, and follow your heart.
Wendy
DH- Ryan
mommy to Kenzie Celeste, 30 weeks GA - severe PE

[wcarder]

By the way, I don't know about the spell check...I think we will forgive you a few spelling errors...(:

[norlisa k]

Hi Susan - Sorry to hear that people don't understand you wanting to have another. You have a great desire to be a mom, which is way cool [8D] . From the sounds of it, you have a great medical team backing you up, and you're not going into this pregnancy blindly. The fear of what happened to you last time probably will never go away, I know that mine hasn't. It'll always be in the back of your head, but just remember that you have all of us here as a support system [:)] , you have great medical care (bigtime huge plus), and you're educated you "know the symptoms, trust yourself." All of us here have strong desires to be moms, so you're not alone. You go, girl, overcoming your fears! You're not alone, girlfriend!

Hugs,
Norlisa

Norlisa Keffer(35), Washington State Coordinator / Moderator, Mothers of Multiples / Co-Moderator, Trying to Conceive
(essential hypertension diagnosed before pregnancy, post-partum preeclampsia)
DH, Gordon (37)
Joseph/Josephine Our Angel in Heaven (9/16/02)
Mary Frances and Samuel (a.k.a. Frankie and Sammy) 38 2/7 weeks, 5/26/03

[tanya]

Hi Susan!! It is so hard to discuss having another baby with other people who have not had any complications in their pregnancies. When I was pg with my DS I was on bedrest for 4 weeks at home and then for 10 days in the hospital before delivering. The only person who I could totally confide in was a cousin of my husband's who had Severe PE with her first child and delivered at 25 weeks. To this day that 25 weeker is a happy and healthy 7 year old. When my DH and I were discussing ttc again it gave us great hope to know that this cousin went on to have a completely healthy 8lb 39 weeker with absolutely no signs of PE. Sure alot of people who love me thought we were completely CRAZY for even considering having another little babe,but I am also going into this pregnancy with a great OB and a much better knowledge of PE and its symptoms. My advice to you would be to make the best decision for you and your family and don't put any effort into what anyone else thinks. My DH and I had to do the same. I wish you the best of luck on your decision!! [:)]

Take Care,
Tanya
Jason(DH)
Leah born 2/4/99 at 34 weeks ...PIH
Miscarriage 10 weeks
Grant born 3/29/01 at 31 weeks... Severe PE
Miracle #3 EDD 01/31/05

[arj]

Susan,
The decision to have another baby, whether you had an uncomplicated or complicated pregnancy is one that is between you and your husband. It sounds like you have done extensive research and found some really capable doctors that you are comfortable with. That "maternal urge" to have another baby is just so undeniably strong. I can imagine your frustration and annoyance at peoples' seemingly insensitive and uninformed comments when you try to discuss another pregnancy with them.
Perhaps you might limit your discussion to friends and family who will be supportive, understanding and not treat you like a crazy lady who's jumping into it on a whim. I think that it would make it easier on you. I know that they have the best intentions and they're just looking out for you, but quite frankly, it's none of their business and it's not their decision. That probably sounds harsh, but I'm just not a fan of unsolicited advice and comments. It's your decision and people should respect it and realize that you've consulted with several physicians to find the best medical care possible.

Allison (28)
DS-Evan, 7/19/2003. PE at 40 weeks

[jenndola]

I've often told people "It's just something I feel like I have to do." And when they say they wouldn't do it if they were me, I just smile and say, "You're not me. But if you're ever in this position, I'll respect your decisions regarding your uterus." I can relate to you, because my parents are terrified for me to TTC again--in my HELLP pregnancy (2nd pg), at one point they flew my brother in from Minnesota to Utah so that he could be here to say goodbye. I do understand their worry, so I make sure that they know I have the best medical care possible--that I'm well-informed, and very well-monitored by the doctors involved. And no, that doesn't relieve their fears, but they're parents, and I don't think anything will do that. The most important thing is that you're at peace with your decision.

If you think about it, we probably all are a little crazy to chance this again. But what's wrong with that? *grin*

Jenn
Angel Maggie stillborn due to HELLP Syndrome & PIH at 19.5 wks
Missed miscarriage/D&C 14 weeks
Miscarriage 6 weeks
Antiphospholipid Syndrome (APS)
I'm putting my perinatologist's kids through college!