Have Just been dealt a blow

[lornarose]

Well have just realised how little control I have over anything. I receieved results of pap smear, atypical cells of uncertain significance and have been referred to colposcopy. I am afraid, worried, upset and most of all feel tortured at the mere thought of anything that could take me away from my daughter. I had just started to get over the trauma of her birth and was feeling positive and happy. Looking forward to ttc and trying to stay healthy. All the old feelings of fear that gripped me when my bp was uncontrolled, the long hospital stay and baby in distress have come back. I was crying like a child in the kitchen. I hadn't cried since my DD came home as I was so happy. I thought my PE and birth experience was enough torment for one year. IT looks like ttc is now on the back foot. I just hope for good outcome with this setback. I am just so terrified of hospitals and medical procedures now. How i ache for a home birth and loads of children to trip over

[holly3372@msn.com]

Hello. I am so sorry you must be so scared . I want you to know you are not alone I truly understand. This april 28th would have been our son Benjamin's 1st birthday. We lost him this past August,he was born at 26 weeks severe pre-e and iugr. He lived for 4 months in the nicu. It has been a hard time and he was our only child. We are planning on doing the march of dimes walk in his memory the 30th. I felt in my heart that after his what would have been 1st bithday I would be ready to try again. I am 39 years old. I have gotten back 2 abnormal mammograms and 2 abnormal ultrasounds. I go for my MRI in May ,the very month we had planned to start trying again. I know that the nicu and birth trauma we have all experienced is so hard to get by and the idea of trying again is overwhelming. Like you I have the desire to try,like you I am scared for my health. In the last year we have met so many women that went through what we have with pregnancy,birth,nicu's. Many have told me that they had health issues after as well,but went on to heal and have more children. I don't know what the future holds or what our test results will be.I know in my heart whatever it is I will get through it and be ok,so will you. If our tiny babies went through what they did then we will find the strength as well. I have also been told time and time again that abnormal paps and mammograms are very common and have to be looked into but turn out to be cysts etc. Hang in there,we will be ok and I will be thinking of you and sending you strength and love. xo

[lornarose]

Thankyou so much for your supportive reply, Holly. I am sending you cyber hugs and hope that you get the all clear too. You have suffered a lot more than me, and I am so appreciative of your warm words. The human spirit and kindness of people sometimes amazes me.xx

[trish9]

Hang in there Lorna! There are lots of reasons why you may have this PAP result. I had the same result about 8 years ago. They did not send me for colposcopy but did repeat additional PAP tests at short intervals and also did HPV testing. All was negative and it has never turned up again. Hope you get all clear results. I think after PE we should all get a "hall pass" for medical issues for at least a couple of years!

[kerisue]

Lorna I hope it turns out to be nothing!! Even if it does, the delay is still disappointing.