i have totally been there, well i guess I kind of still am.
my daughter is 6 now, and my anxiety is better, but still there. the first year after I had her was crippling. I was terrified of everything, from having some massive allergic reaction when eating out (which I didn't really have food allergies, so not sure why I was worried), that I would pass out while on a walk, and my daughter would be left alone in a stroller in the middle of the Chicago, that i would have a car accident when away from her and leave her motherless. i thought every ache and pain was the sign something terrible was wrong with me. i was a wreck. i already had a fear of flying, but it was much worse...and being married to an englishman doesn't help avoiding to fly.
and it all came to a peak at her first birthday...maybe it was because it was the anniversary of when my body went so out of control? after that, i started going to a therapist, who did help, but she wasn't a specialist in pregnancy issues. though i definitely did and still do suffer from PTSD.
i hate that it does that to us, it seems so unfair. i am so envious of my friends can effortlessly have babies, and not worry. i know if i didn't have that fear i would have more than one right now, but i am just terrified to do it again. and so thankful my daughter and i came out of it as we did.
you are definitely not alone.
Daughter born March 2005 at 38 weeks at only 4 1/2 lbs. by emergency c-section. Severe PE, HELLP & IUGR.
36 weeks of carefree PG, then it all went downhill and had an excruciating 2 weeks of pain and brushing off by Dr's until being properly diagnosed and delivered at 38 weeks. Since then have been diagnosed with celiac (2009) and Hashimoto's (2011).
Terrified to TTC, but really want to TTC.