PE and Fear

[lornarose]

I don't know where to post. I just wanted to tap this out, all the thoughts that are swimming around in my head. I thought for a long time, I was okay but I'm not. I'm one of the lucky ones, my baby lived. However, lately I have been gripped by such an all consuming fear. I'm so morbid, I'm afraid of everything. I flatlined for a few moments in the OR last october, I'm starting to relive this. I was so scared, I can't talk to anyone about this. I was in the car with my sister last week, I was terrified we were going to crash. I have nightmares about plane crashes and being chased by bulls. I was such a strong and gutsy woman before PE. I don't want to hand this anxious legacy to my DD. How have others dealt with these feelings of anxiety. Did anyone try CBT? My quality of life has started to diminish in the past week. I'm sorry for posting here and hope not to upset of offend anyone. I don't know anyone who has had PE. I dont know who to talk to.

[sam10]

Since I've had PE, I am not the same person anymore in many ways. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I would have panic attacks and fear of so many things. The most significant is fear of flying, which I had not had before PE at all. It reduces my mobility, as I have to convince and trick myself to get on a plane and remain (visible) calm.
My therapist reminds me though, usually when anxiety kicks back in, that I should try to think about my overall anxiety level over the past year and should not draw conclusions from a bad week or two.
Are you seeing a therapist and/or have considered to go see one? Hope you'll feel better soon and please know that you are not alone with these kind of thoughts.

[bordergurl72]

i have totally been there, well i guess I kind of still am.

my daughter is 6 now, and my anxiety is better, but still there. the first year after I had her was crippling. I was terrified of everything, from having some massive allergic reaction when eating out (which I didn't really have food allergies, so not sure why I was worried), that I would pass out while on a walk, and my daughter would be left alone in a stroller in the middle of the Chicago, that i would have a car accident when away from her and leave her motherless. i thought every ache and pain was the sign something terrible was wrong with me. i was a wreck. i already had a fear of flying, but it was much worse...and being married to an englishman doesn't help avoiding to fly.

and it all came to a peak at her first birthday...maybe it was because it was the anniversary of when my body went so out of control? after that, i started going to a therapist, who did help, but she wasn't a specialist in pregnancy issues. though i definitely did and still do suffer from PTSD.

i hate that it does that to us, it seems so unfair. i am so envious of my friends can effortlessly have babies, and not worry. i know if i didn't have that fear i would have more than one right now, but i am just terrified to do it again. and so thankful my daughter and i came out of it as we did.

you are definitely not alone.

[jean]

I can relate as well. I used to feel somewhat invincible. Now I feel helpless and like anything could go wrong at any time.

[flori]

After experiencing HELLP and the pain that comes with it, I became convinced that every twinge in my belly was my liver. I started feeling pains in my legs and was convinced I had DVT. My bp was elevated after delivery and I was convinced it was postpartum pre-e. I bled heavily a few weeks after the surgery and convinced myself it was an internal infection. My new fear is that my elevated platelet count is going to lead to leukemia.

I don't know if this worrying is normal or if I have turned myself into a hypochondriac, but living like this isn't fun. I'm driving myself (and hubs) crazy.