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PE and Fear

Are you considering having another child after preeclampsia? Trying again after preeclampsia can be an emotional challenge. You can find support with others who share your concerns here.

PE and Fear

Postby lornarose » Sun May 22, 2011 05:05 pm

by lornarose (68 Posts), Sun May 22, 2011 05:05 pm

I don't know where to post. I just wanted to tap this out, all the thoughts that are swimming around in my head. I thought for a long time, I was okay but I'm not. I'm one of the lucky ones, my baby lived. However, lately I have been gripped by such an all consuming fear. I'm so morbid, I'm afraid of everything. I flatlined for a few moments in the OR last october, I'm starting to relive this. I was so scared, I can't talk to anyone about this. I was in the car with my sister last week, I was terrified we were going to crash. I have nightmares about plane crashes and being chased by bulls. I was such a strong and gutsy woman before PE. I don't want to hand this anxious legacy to my DD. How have others dealt with these feelings of anxiety. Did anyone try CBT? My quality of life has started to diminish in the past week. I'm sorry for posting here and hope not to upset of offend anyone. I don't know anyone who has had PE. I dont know who to talk to. :(
Momma to Emma born 34wplus 3 ,October, 2010,due to severe preeclampsia and IUGR.In NICU due to low birth weight and suspected sepsis, home after nearly 4 weeks.
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Re: PE and Fear

Postby sam10 » Sun May 22, 2011 08:30 pm

by sam10 (1438 Posts), Sun May 22, 2011 08:30 pm

Since I've had PE, I am not the same person anymore in many ways. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I would have panic attacks and fear of so many things. The most significant is fear of flying, which I had not had before PE at all. It reduces my mobility, as I have to convince and trick myself to get on a plane and remain (visible) calm.
My therapist reminds me though, usually when anxiety kicks back in, that I should try to think about my overall anxiety level over the past year and should not draw conclusions from a bad week or two.
Are you seeing a therapist and/or have considered to go see one? Hope you'll feel better soon and please know that you are not alone with these kind of thoughts.
~Julija (40)
MC 3/2009 and 3/2011
Henry (1/1/2010-1/7/2010) - forever loved and missed; severe PE with Hellp; partial placental abruption, classical c-section at 25.6 weeks
Matilda (Nov. 2012, born at 35.4 weeks) - severe PE


Our pain has been put into words, placed into empty cradles, to remember that all our babies lived, that they mattered and always will. - Field of Cradles http://www.fieldofcradles.org/
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Re: PE and Fear

Postby bordergurl72 » Mon May 23, 2011 12:55 am

by bordergurl72 (88 Posts), Mon May 23, 2011 12:55 am

i have totally been there, well i guess I kind of still am.

my daughter is 6 now, and my anxiety is better, but still there. the first year after I had her was crippling. I was terrified of everything, from having some massive allergic reaction when eating out (which I didn't really have food allergies, so not sure why I was worried), that I would pass out while on a walk, and my daughter would be left alone in a stroller in the middle of the Chicago, that i would have a car accident when away from her and leave her motherless. i thought every ache and pain was the sign something terrible was wrong with me. i was a wreck. i already had a fear of flying, but it was much worse...and being married to an englishman doesn't help avoiding to fly.

and it all came to a peak at her first birthday...maybe it was because it was the anniversary of when my body went so out of control? after that, i started going to a therapist, who did help, but she wasn't a specialist in pregnancy issues. though i definitely did and still do suffer from PTSD.

i hate that it does that to us, it seems so unfair. i am so envious of my friends can effortlessly have babies, and not worry. i know if i didn't have that fear i would have more than one right now, but i am just terrified to do it again. and so thankful my daughter and i came out of it as we did.

you are definitely not alone.
Anne, 39
DH, 47
Daughter born March 2005 at 38 weeks at only 4 1/2 lbs. by emergency c-section. Severe PE, HELLP & IUGR.
36 weeks of carefree PG, then it all went downhill and had an excruciating 2 weeks of pain and brushing off by Dr's until being properly diagnosed and delivered at 38 weeks. Since then have been diagnosed with celiac (2009) and Hashimoto's (2011).
Terrified to TTC, but really want to TTC.
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Re: PE and Fear

Postby jean » Mon May 23, 2011 05:49 pm

by jean (675 Posts), Mon May 23, 2011 05:49 pm

I can relate as well. I used to feel somewhat invincible. Now I feel helpless and like anything could go wrong at any time. :cry:
Our first son was born and passed in Feb of 2010. Born at 29 weeks due to HELLP and passed due to NEC. We miss him every day. :~(

Our second son was born at 39 weeks gestation in Nov of 2011. No HELLP or pre-e! Took LDA starting at week 12 and went off of it at week 38!

http://findingtherainbowconnection.blogspot.com/
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Re: PE and Fear

Postby flori » Sat May 28, 2011 05:18 am

by flori (225 Posts), Sat May 28, 2011 05:18 am

After experiencing HELLP and the pain that comes with it, I became convinced that every twinge in my belly was my liver. I started feeling pains in my legs and was convinced I had DVT. My bp was elevated after delivery and I was convinced it was postpartum pre-e. I bled heavily a few weeks after the surgery and convinced myself it was an internal infection. My new fear is that my elevated platelet count is going to lead to leukemia.

I don't know if this worrying is normal or if I have turned myself into a hypochondriac, but living like this isn't fun. I'm driving myself (and hubs) crazy.
Flori, 30
Mommy to Gracie- born at 25 weeks 03/15/11, 11 inches, 1.1lbs, and absolutely beautiful. Became my sweet angel the next day.
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