Let me start by saying we are not trying to conceive yet. Some days I want to badly to be pregnant that I try to talk dh into bd'ing without protection and other days I hurt and cry so much that I don't ever want to try again. Needless to say, we are not ready yet.
Here's my dilemma: I relocated from Hawaii to California 5 years ago. After our lease was up last August dh and I moved back in with his parents to save money for a few months before we moved back to Hawaii. We decided to ttc while we were still in Cali and I got pregnant in October. The plan was to have Gracie in California and make the move back to Hawaii late this year.
As you can tell by my signature, our plans have changed. We want to make our final move back to Hawaii sooner than later. However, after reading this forum, I have some hesitations. First, I did some research and there is only one NICU in the state available to civilians (luckily it is on the same island we will be moving to). I've read that they see 850 babies a year. I also wanted to schedule a consult with a peri while we are here visiting family, but I cannot see one without an OB referral. The hospital with the NICU has a large team of pediatric specialists and the peris (which includes the chair of the OBGYN residency program) work alongside of the ******.
I am torn between staying in California so that I may continue to see the same peri who I saw during my pregnancy with Gracie. Part of me feels like the familiarity will be easier and that since he knows my history, he will be better able to treat my specific case. HOWEVER, my husband and I are very unhappy living with his parents. My MIL asked him two days after Gracie died when he was going back to work. We feel like we were not allowed to mourn her death there because she was so unfeeling and cold. It seemed like Gracie didn't matter at all to her.
She was so nosy during the entire pregnancy and when I got put on bedrest she would ask my husband after every appointment if I was going back to work. I also felt like I had to continue doing some housework because when she came home from work, she'd complain about things not being done. Also, a few weeks ago she asked dh if we were still planning to move to Hawaii and when! We drained our savings paying for my hospital stays and it would not be financially feasible for us to live on our own during another pregnancy, especially if I get pulled out of work and put on bedrest as early as I did this pregnancy.
My parents have been much more supportive during this time. We are here in Hawaii now and we just feel so much more at ease and comfortable and able to mourn. My dad has told both dh and me that I shouldn't work during my next pregnancy, which I think would be great. I feel like it would be less stressful here, which I'm sure could help things. I am just so concerned about my doctor situation. I am sure that I could meet with a peri before ttc #2 once my OB found out my history, but what if they are too busy to give me the care I will need/want? I'm also worried about the NICU. What if for some reason, it is full when the baby is born? Then what?
I want to ttc before the "two-year window" and I'm so worried that I won't make it.
There are so many fears I am trying to sort out. I know I should be spending this time recovering from losing Gracie, but I feel like I am on a deadline. Thoughts?
Also, has anyone chosen to work with a different peri/mfm in a subsequent pregnancy following a loss? What were your results? Do you regret your decision? Help!