I wish I had an answer, but I can say that I know many of us have the same exact feeling. Fortunately, I don't have a husband pressuring me, he is fine with one. even if I didn't have pre-e/HELLP he would have been fine with one. It is me who wants another desperately, but my fear about another pg, sadly outweighs my desire at this point. My daughter is now 6, I am 39, and I figure if I don't get the show on the road in the next couple of months, I am done.
Anyway, I hope you can find comfort in a decision either way you go. I don't think either way is easy. I try to tell myself, it is only 9 months of anxiety for a lifetime of happiness with another child...but then I think ...why put myself at unnecessary risk, and risk my daughter loosing her mom. But like you said...every time I go in a car I risk my life...gosh, any time I walk down my steep driveway I do. Sometimes, I can look at 9 months of pg, and I feel like I should be able to handle it, but I am just not ready.
I hate that pre-e/HELLP took this away from us.
Daughter born March 2005 at 38 weeks at only 4 1/2 lbs. by emergency c-section. Severe PE, HELLP & IUGR.
36 weeks of carefree PG, then it all went downhill and had an excruciating 2 weeks of pain and brushing off by Dr's until being properly diagnosed and delivered at 38 weeks. Since then have been diagnosed with celiac (2009) and Hashimoto's (2011).
Terrified to TTC, but really want to TTC.