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talk or explode...

Are you considering having another child after preeclampsia? Trying again after preeclampsia can be an emotional challenge. You can find support with others who share your concerns here.

talk or explode...

Postby michelle » Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:16 am

by michelle (14 Posts), Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:16 am

Hello everyone, I am not new to the website but I am new to this topic. I am the mother of a 10 month old baby boy who is my only successful pregnancy in 3 attempts. I lost my first baby at 12 weeks and my second precious angel at 6 months due to preeclampsia. Travler arrived at 34.5 weeks a bit small but totally healthy. He is a beautiful, funny and smart little boy that makes my life so happy.

I have no place to talk about what is on my heart because my family will not hear my thoughts before they turn on the drama.

I want another baby.

I am 41 years old and my husband in 49. My preeclampsia with was severe with my second child but I did not have it with Travler. I have been reading the stats and articles on having a baby over 35. Bottom line ... I want to have another baby. Am i crazy? Am I totally selfish?

I want some rational and calm thoughts. The thing about the forum that I love is that you can talk to people you do not know but feel welcome. There is a place in my heart for another baby. I want Travler to have a brother or a sister.

I am burdened with this decision and I feel very alone.

Thank you,

Michelle (in Texas)

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Re : talk or explode...

Postby angelkat » Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:27 am

by angelkat (3423 Posts), Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:27 am

Hi Michelle and welcome....

Do I think your crazy.... NOPE not at all!....
My story starts over 14 years ago with the birth of my oldest son. I had PE with him but got to 37 weeks then 2 years later had another boy at 34 weeks due to PE. Two years ago (new husband etc) we had a little girl. PE hit hard and strong and had no choice but to dilv at 25 weeks (she lived for 3 1.2 months) We are currently 32 weeks preg (33 wks tomorrow) and will dilv at 35 weeks as long as the Amino is ok. So I can completely understand your wants and needs for another child. I didn't even think about telling my family until I was 3 to 4 months preg as I didn't want to hear the complaints from them like how crazy I was for going thru it again.

My advise would be seek the advise of a Peri (high risk doctor) first. Have a list of questions, and a game plan from the get go. Sure it's ALOT of work going back and fourth to the doctors twice a week but I know that I am getting the best care for me and my little boy.

Good luck and let us know how you make out and what you decide....

Moderator Grief and Loss
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Drew(13)PE 37 wks
Ky (11)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey Looking at Aug
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Re : talk or explode...

Postby michelle » Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:43 am

by michelle (14 Posts), Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:43 am

thank you for your response. I saw a peri with Travler. We went to Dallas practically once a week until he got here. I talked with Dr Andersen about this shortly after Travler was born. he was more concerned with chrom problems than preeclampsia. Being diligent is not a problem.


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Re : talk or explode...

Postby susan belisle » Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:56 am

by susan belisle (591 Posts), Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:56 am


Are you crazy? I sure hope not. Cause I am right with you. I have a lot of trouble being pg. as well. But like you I am more then willing to go though a little bit of complications to have another baby. My feeling is, "if it can me done..I am gonna do it."

Interuption 06/23/01 @20 wks
Carly 04/24/02 30 wks 3lbs 6 oz
ttc again with pg induced hypertention
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Re : talk or explode...

Postby wcarder » Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:56 am

by wcarder (934 Posts), Tue Jul 20, 2004 12:56 am

Michelle -
I had my daughter at 30 weeks after spending over a month in the hospital with PE. This was almost five years ago and I was only eighteen. I am now married, and my husband is not my daughters biological father. Our family knows how sick I was and how sick my little girl was. They think it is horrible for me to even consider having another baby...I, however, want another one so bad. I want a baby with my husband, I want my Kenzie to have a sibling, I am only 23! I was also JUST diagnosed with an autoimmune disease which is DEVASTATING to my case...Anyway, I just want you to know I completely understand how you feel. You are DEFINATELY not alone...I don't know what the answer is - I'm searching for it myself.
DH - Ryan
DD - kenzie Celeste, 30 weeks GA
Severe PE
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Re : talk or explode...

Postby catherine » Tue Jul 20, 2004 01:03 pm

by catherine (2832 Posts), Tue Jul 20, 2004 01:03 pm

Michelle, that Travler was born so healthy, proves that you can do it. I for one could never call you selfish for wanting another baby. I think that you and your husband more than anyone understand both the rewards, and what is at stake. It is rightly your decision, as a couple.

Family are always tricky, and in some cases, plainly impossible. Sometimes some folks just can't see that it's not exactly about them. Parents can be the hardest, they don't want to see anything bad happen to their children, ill-health, emotional or physical pain, loss. As mothers now, we can relate to it, but it's pretty difficult to take when the rest of the world respects your adulthood and independence. So, I believe that you and your husband can make a choice that is right for your family, you'll just have to accept that you may not be able to bring everyone with you. Fortunately for us, pregnancy can't last longer than 9 months, at which point... all their reasons for angst, fuss and bother will be passed!

You may have some tough questions to ask, not least of yourself. Is the reason that you find them so difficult to deal with because somewhere deep inside you fear that they may be right? There are bigger risks, preeclampsia excluded, with being an older mom. On the other hand, you guys had the best medical support last time out and you sure were able to do what it took to bring Travler into this world as healthy as he is.

I believe that in the end, you will decide, and then whatever that decision proves to be, that you will be happy with it.

Mom to Finn, Lucy (preeclampsia and HELLP) and Chloe.
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Re : talk or explode...

Postby for faith » Tue Jul 20, 2004 02:02 pm

by for faith (1749 Posts), Tue Jul 20, 2004 02:02 pm

I hope that by talking with a peri you can feel more confident and know what the risks are. I would also talk to a genetic counselor if you feel concerns with chrom issues. I am 35 and have gone to the a genetic counselor and discussed things with my OB at great length, later this week is the peri. So far everyone is very positive, I hope the best for you.

I never expected to be in this situation, I had my son at 30 totally planned after 6 yrs of marriage. Then planned the second to be born when my son was 3 1/2. Got pregnant as planned, but had a m/c then my daughter born at 30 weeks......this was never in the plans. I had always planned on 2 children to grow up together and I still want that. Even though it is much harder than I had planned, my dreams were always the same.

I hope with drs. assistance you can feel better about whatever decision you make.

mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(preemie complications))

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 9/02
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Re : talk or explode...

Postby tinalowe » Tue Jul 20, 2004 02:50 pm

by tinalowe (288 Posts), Tue Jul 20, 2004 02:50 pm


I don't think you are crazy. I think your family is worried about you but that is understandable. They do however, have to realize it is your decision and they have no right to try to persuade you one way or the other. I do think you should meet with a peri and then make an informed decision. Follow your heart, not others.

Tina 23
DH Dereck 26

Emma Victoria stillborn 12-28-03

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Re : talk or explode...

Postby norlisa k » Tue Jul 20, 2004 04:50 pm

by norlisa k (745 Posts), Tue Jul 20, 2004 04:50 pm

Michelle - I'm with everyone else--you're not crazy, it's the mom in you that wants to have another. Desiring to be a mom is one of the most wonderful wishes that us women have. Having your family concerned for you is one thing, but I do agree, it is your decision. I'm also on board with you meeting with a perinatologist and having a doctor who will take very good care of you. It'll make all the difference. And last, but not least, we're all here for you.

Much Love and Hugs,

Norlisa Keffer(35), Washington State Coordinator / Moderator, Mothers of Multiples / Co-Moderator, Trying to Conceive
(essential hypertension diagnosed before pregnancy, post-partum preeclampsia)
DH, Gordon (37)
Joseph/Josephine Our Angel in Heaven (9/16/02)
Mary Frances and Samuel (a.k.a. Frankie and Sammy) 38 2/7 weeks, 5/26/03
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Re : talk or explode...

Postby megansmom » Tue Jul 20, 2004 05:16 pm

by megansmom (768 Posts), Tue Jul 20, 2004 05:16 pm

I definitely don't think you are crazy! Like Tina said, follow your heart, not others. You know the risks, so make an informed decision and go with it. Best wishes to you and yours throughout this journey. Don't forget we are always here to help you through it.

Mama to Megan, severe PE with mild HELLP at 34 wks

Thinking about TTC later this year
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