I understand how you feel, because this is pretty much how I feel as well. I had my daughter at 34 weeks due to chronic hypertension (undiagnosed) superimposed with pre-eclampsia. She was an IUGR baby as well. For my daughter things turned out well regardless, despite her early arrival she was born healthy and has caught up weight wise, and developmentally she is right on target. For me though I have been through the emotional wringer suffering with PND and PTSD. I've seen a counsellor which helped immensely but I am still not at the stage of feeling like I could have another child and for me I dont know if I ever will be.
My daughter is 2 now, my husband is super keen for another child and while I would also love to have another child I am not sure whether I will/can. The dr's have given me based on my background a 66% chance of developing pre-eclampsia again with a 10% chance of having an even more premmie baby or even more severe pre-eclampsia than I had this time around. This birth took a massive toll on my marriage, my relationship with my daughter (due to the PND), my friendships and my mental health. I'm coming out of the other side of that now but constantly wonder if I am prepared to risk going through it all again or whether to just accept the fact that it may be better to be grateful for the one healthy child I do have and be done with having children. I have been coming around to having another until recently my daughter ended up in hospital (she is fine, and not related to the PE) but it left me having a weeks worth of panic attacks which has bought me back to the feeling that I am definately not ready to have another and to be honest I am not sure if I ever will.
I know this wont help you to make your decision but just wanted to share that you are not alone in these feelings. I hope you can find peace with whatever decide xxx