Ultrasound Appt

[timelessbeauty]

Dear Friends in Indiana,

As some of you know, I'm pregnant with my 7th pregnancy and hopefully my 3rd living child. I go for my appointment with the specialist tomorrow to check on the health of the baby and possible recheck gender. There was the hint of a boy last month. Seeing we lost our son, Benjamin, two years ago when he was just 6 months gestational age, it would be a blessing to have another chance at a boy. Wish me luck? Heparin shots are not fun as I am very needle phobic and my poor husband has to deliver each shot for me. Thank God he's in the medical field or this would be really tough. I read the story about Patrick and Donna Dignan and think how close I came to being snuffed out with pregnancy #5. It's serious business when your OB tells you that you are lucky not to have ended up on a donor list considering how sick you got.
I feel for each woman that has lost a baby due to Pre-eclampsia. I feel for the fathers out there that watch helplessly as their wife endures such a mysterious condition. I have suffered with Pre-e twice and am predisposed for no known reason to getting it. I've been tested for underlying disorders and none exist of which any physician is aware. I don't take my life for granted when I read of another woman who has succumb to the effects of Pre-e and lost her life. God Bless the little children that make it through this and live to enrich our lives.
I'll keep you posted as to how this pregnancy evolves. Hugs to all the Pre-e members out there! Goodnight for now.

Sue

[timelessbeauty]

It's me again!

I went for my appointment today and all was more than well. I couldn't believe I didn't even have a trace of protein today. BP was 110/60 on the medication which is one of my lowest readings in awhile. I still haven't gained any weight but the baby is growing leaps and bounds. Ultrasound measured exactly to the due date of May 17th and .... <drum roll> ..... IT"S A BOY! They confirmed the "broccoli stalk" we saw last time and it's a BOY for sure. Two Ultrasounds can't be wrong, can they when they are done at the specialist's office? I'm still excited and nervous over this pregnancy as I am sure any of us who have gotten pregnant after losing a little one have been. I just thought I would share my news with you. For as sick as I have been with pre-eclampsia in the past and near death's door, I'm not taking this run of good luck for granted as I am not even past 20 weeks yet. And that's usually when the Pre-e fun begins. Crossing my fingers, praying hard and hoping for the best while realistically knowing my chances. I delivered my second daughter early at 36.5 weeks due to low amnio fluid. No real signs of pre-e at that time and that was after I lost Ben. Boys are always harder to "hold on to" when you are a pre-e candidate, wish me luck?

Thanks for letting me share.

Sue

[timelessbeauty]

Hi, just felt like sharing some more if you don't mind.

Felt the baby roll over this morning. It was a slight feeling but I knew what "HE" was doing. For anyone that has had to do fetal kick counts in the past and knows the anxiety of waiting for the next movement, it's the feeling I have right now even though I know I am just beginning to feel him get active. I'm sure he's been active before now but it's the feeling that is believing.

I was hit with a mix of feelings yesterday. Overjoyed for my husband to get a "son". Extremely happy to have a "Boy" this time around so that I may have the joyous experience of raising both genders. Thinking this is great for my oldest daughter who is 10. She has bonded with her 1 yr old sister so well, I would hate to see that upset but a pairing of two young sisters leaving the "odd man out" or oldest sibbling out. I know that would hinge a lot on how I deal with the family dynamics, also. But I figure, the two younger ones will have their own bond but the oldest will not lose the bond with her sister because the bond with a brother is a bit different for both of them. It's a reverse of my family where there are two boys and then me. My husband will have to help as his family is 4 girls and then him.

I felt a tinge of guilt again even though I know there was nothing I could have done to prevent my first son's death in utero from severe Pre-e at 6 months gestation. I guess that is why I am so excited to have a boy, not to erase guilt that is not mine to feel anyway or to "replace" what we have lost, but to add the "boy" gender to our family which makes it seem well rounded.

But there in lies more guilt because I cherish my daughters and would do fine if that is all I were to ever have in my life. If this were a girl, I would be more than happy to go shopping for cute frilly pink outfits again and feel comfortable with my experience of already having two girls that I know what to do. It's just a selfish want for a boy as well as my girls. I love children so much. This is my 7th pregnancy and my 4th child/3rd living. I've had the severe pre-e twice and twice it tried to take my life. I know my family thinks I could be selfish in my quest for children but I know my odds and I know my health. I've worked hard to try and try again for a healthy baby. I've paid my dues is kind of how I feel. I'm not trying to leave my girls without a mother, and I am being very careful about my health. I take my blood pressure, watch what I eat, walk to keep my circulation going but rest when I need it. I watch for swelling, get paranoid at anything irregular and call my doctor when I need to. :-)

With all that I have gone through, I still consider myself so lucky to be a mom. And when I am done with having my own, my husband and I have talked about adopting. We have so much love to share and I have two adopted nephews who are just precious as well as precocious.

My daughter, who lost her father due to a heart attack when she was just about to turn 2 yrs old, has had a brother and sister on her wish list for years. She took it the hardest when we lost our little boy two years ago. She's even more excited now because she "gets one of each" now. She loves her "new daddy" as she calls him and life is great. Financially we will make the money up in the end. You cannot put a price on love.

Sue

[timelessbeauty]

Just woke up and noticed this posting is being read but no one is replying. I'm not trying to dominate the topics of conversation, just get one started. :-)

I need a shower this morning. I'm up and so are the girls. Little one is content to play on the floor while the oldest is getting breakfast before going to school. It's about 49 degrees out this morning and many parts of the state are suffering with fog.

Ahh yes, last minute scurry for finding homework misplaced in the living room before we go off to school. My husband and I spent until 1 am helping our daughter finish a project for school. She was painting styrofoam balls to look like various planets. We sent her to bed at 10pm after finding out this project was due the next morning. I debated the let her deal with the consequences of her actions on forgetting to the last moment or helping her because I know how that feels to forget and be overwhelmed. She's still learning all about priorities and managing her time. I cannot expect her to be an adult overnight, so I helped.

And I cherish these events because both my daughter and I survived Pre-eclampsia over 10 yrs ago. I found out at 32.5 wks that I was pre-eclamptic and was thrown in the hospital with pressures over 177/110. I spent 4 days in the hospital to be released to a home care nurse. I was scared but felt pretty much ok, just swollen. I lasted 4 weeks and was induced on a Monday morning. I remember crying that morning because I was scared for me and the baby. I had a feeling it was a girl but never knew the gender until she was born. During labor, my heart rate and hers dropped with each contraction and they lost her heart beat 3 times. She was born that night healthy and tired. Apgar scores of 7 and 9 for being born almost a month early and almost 6.5 lbs. I remembering going to my room afterwards and gulping down orange juice and chocolate milk by the glassful! I was a thirsty woman!

Well, the bus will soon be here and I've babbled long enough on my rememberances.
Instead of talking to you soon, I hope to talk with you.

Sue

[timelessbeauty]

Went to bed crying last night and woke up tired. Hmmm, imagine that. I feel pretty normal most of the time but I do have the occasional bout of hormone that surges and gives me a crying jag for a few minutes. I can tell it's hormones because the pimples around my nose are showing up again. UGH! I guess I am lucky because I do not suffer notably from any type of post partum depression after the babies are born. Granted I was sad when I lost my son but who wouldn't be. I tried not to dwell on it and go on with thoughts of someday having another, which eventually is what I did. It's Saturday and husband is home, one little one is playing with daddy's shoelaces and the other was sent upstairs to get dressed for the day but was caught playing in her room still in her pjs. Ahh yes, a typical weekend. I think Pancakes are in order for breakfast. I have housecleaning to do which is not my total priority due to hubby being home, it's family weekend time. Housecleaning can wait until some are asleep and others preoccupied with something other than family time. I need to break out my sewing machine though and make those scrubs for my husband seeing his other scrubs are starting to wear thin. Well, I will sign off here and hope to hear from some of you reading my blatherings. :-)

Have a wonderful Saturday and talk to you soon.

Sue

[timelessbeauty]

OK, so I went to pick up my paycheck from the department store today and I was asked if I would like to work tonight. Game plan change. Husband says ok seeing it's his weekend off and we've been cancelled out of some prime overtime for his job. So tonight, skip the sewing, went out to lunch at China Buffet and will proceed to dress for work. I warn you .. buffets SOUND like a great idea when you are pregnant, but unless you plan to stay for a length of time, your eyes quickly become larger than your ever shrinking stomach that someone else is using as a springboard. Oh did I stuff myself today! It was a good lunch because we all laughed while talking and eating. Well, here's to paying off a few more bills, paying down the credit card with the medical bills on it, and hoping to have some left over to have for a rainy day. :-)
Hi Ho Hi Ho It's Off To Work I Go.

Sue

[denise]

Congrats on that little boy!!! Hope you are able to have an uneventful remainder of your pg, Sue. Love your updates!

-------
Denise (28) Co-coordinator for WI
Jason (32)
Ariana (18 months)-born 5/3/03 at 35 weeks due to HELLP
Currently TTC #2
http://hometown.aol.com/scrapperlang/Home.htm

[timelessbeauty]

Thank you Denise! Good Morning. You have no idea how happy I was to see someone besides myself posting to this spot.

OOoh I am so tired. I worked until 12:30am last night at the department store and until 1:00am on Saturday night. I work again tonight but don't have to go in until 8:00pm. Christmas rush season, gotta love it. I spent most of the night folding sweaters and trying to put the store back together to somewhat of what it used to look like. Futile but it's a job and helps pay the bills.

My family and I went shopping at the department store yesterday as they have a lot of good deals this week and it's also coming up on Employee shopping days. It would be silly of me not to take advantage of the higher percents off during this time and not stock up on BOY clothing. hehehe

Well, it's take care of the littest one today, send hubby off to work and kidlet #1 off to school. Take a nap during the day to recover my lost sleep and then when all get home, make dinner, take a shower and work again tonight.

So far feeling great except my feet hurt from working two nights in a row but I can handle that. The exercise is doing me good I do believe. And it's not like I am stressed out about deadlines or projects with retail. Just SELL SELL SELL BUY BUY BUY .. lol

Too all the PF crew, Have a wonderful Monday. I personally think I am allergic to Mondays but I'll deal with that, too. Hehehe

Sue

[angelkat]

SUE,

Where was I for all of this posting!!!.... A BOY!!!! Congrats to you!... I'm so happy that you will have a little boy to hold and love (I'm sure a little girl would have been nice to but I know how special a little boy is to you)

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!.. .

PS... I'll be waving when were flying by your neck of the woods next week....


Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(14)PE 37 wks
Ky (12)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey - 34wks Born 7/29/04
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V

[timelessbeauty]

Thank you for the posts! I've been working the past three nights and tonight I can spend with the family. YEAH! They have put a lot of items on clearance at my store and with my discount days coming up, I can get a lot for the new baby! I've also been trying to shop for things for other members of the family. I'm getting a new nephew for Christmas. My brother and his wife are adopting a little boy who is the same age as my youngest daughter. It's so exciting. Well, I have a biter on my hands currently and my nipple and shoulder have fallen victim and I'm no longer breast feeding! Go figure! LOL .. I give a slight flick of the finger to the teeth when she doesn this to discourage the behavior. Let's hope something works.

Ironically I was tired yesterday and took two naps during the day to prepare for working last night but after only 4 hours sleep last night, I'm doing pretty good. Hmmmm. HE HE :-)

It's so funny, we can't wait for them to grow up and do this and that, and yet once they are mobile, I wish she was content to sleep in my arms like she used to do. Sigh. Well, we have playtime to attend to for now. Naptime will come in an hour or two. I may return then.

Sue