jealous of normal delivery

Have you suffered from HELLP syndrome or had a pregnancy complicated by an underlying disorder? Discuss your concerns here
camillefritz
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby camillefritz » Mon Nov 29, 637677 1:15 am

Yeah, it is ironic, I didn't smoke, never around smoke- tried to eat healthy- and Autumn was born preemie (due to my PE and HELLP) and now has asthma, and maybe allergies. I think being preemie, 32 weeks, just didn't give her lungs enough time, plus she was intubated, which I hear is a factor in that sort of thing. She also had floppy airway for about a year (tracheobronchomalacia)- she has had more nebulizer and inhaler treatments than I'd like to remember. I just hope by the time she turns 3 she starts to grow out of it.

khailibowen
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby khailibowen » Thu May 30, 637675 3:41 pm

quote:Originally posted by MDwannabe

That is so horrible that your cousins smoked while pregnant like that. They have no idea how lucky they are that their babies are healthy, considering their actions. It is hard not to be angry, seeing people be so flippant about it and coming out with healthy babies, while we kill ourselves doing everything in our power to have a normal pregnancy and healthy baby. I am glad for the babies though, they should not have to suffer for the actions their mothers took while they were still in the womb.


It is frustrating to see these "healhty babies" at birth, however, I would bet that as time goes on more and more problems will be found. So much research is showing that when mom (and/or dad) smokes while mom is pregnant the effects may not be seen for some time. Such as these babies tend to be sicker the first year. They tend to have higher rates of asthma and allergies. There is a 4 times higher rate of SIDS and a 2 times higher rate of stroke before age 2 for these children. As they age into school aged , the rates of asthma, allergies, respiratory illness including pneumonia and bronchitis are increased. So while it "looks" like they had healhty babies and this may lead them to do the same thing again, the parent most likely overlooks the many problems that are occuring later. Of course, the major confounding variable here is that if the parent is smoking while pregnant the parent is probably still smoking after the baby is born and around the baby, so of course many of these effects can occur because of the continued smoking.

So unfortunately these so called healhty newborns are not likely to stay healhty for long.

mdwannabe
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby mdwannabe » Thu May 30, 637675 1:00 am

That is so horrible that your cousins smoked while pregnant like that. They have no idea how lucky they are that their babies are healthy, considering their actions. It is hard not to be angry, seeing people be so flippant about it and coming out with healthy babies, while we kill ourselves doing everything in our power to have a normal pregnancy and healthy baby. I am glad for the babies though, they should not have to suffer for the actions their mothers took while they were still in the womb.

khailibowen
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby khailibowen » Sun May 19, 637675 2:17 pm

quote:Originally posted by lucy21


Just wanted to have another little ***** though... about how annoyed I get when I hear people who are pregnant and get to 32-34 weeks and say things like "I'm so sick of this, I'd be happy to have the baby now, it will survive and I don't care about it being prem, just want it out"

I know someone who kept saying that starting about 32 weeks or so. I finally said "do you want to see pictures of my 35 weeker? Do you want to see all the tubes and wires all around him and spend day and night in the nicu wondering when you will get home?" She was like "uhh, well if you put it that way, but that probably won't happen to me" GUH!!!! My ds was HUGE given his delivery date and this disease and he spent a week in the nicu and yet, noooo it won't happen to her....

indylady625
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby indylady625 » Sun May 19, 637675 11:46 am

How would you feel about having 2 cousins who smoked with all 5 of their babies and delivered all at full term healthy. I have never smoked, done drugs or anything like my trashy cousins and they still deliver healthy babies. I resent that I dont know anyone in my circle of life that has delivered a preemie like me. I am pregnant with number 2. I only have dreams of a healthy fat baby and bringing that baby home with me. I wont accept anything less. I hate people who take a healthy baby for granted. It is the last pure miracle of life.

mdwannabe
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby mdwannabe » Sun May 19, 637675 3:35 am

I am in the same boat Katie. I was extremely blessed, I had a vaginal delivery with all three of my kids, and only one was in the NICU, for only a few days. I did not lose a child, which I am unbelievable grateful for. I was lucky enough to not have PE with my second, but was still on bedrest b/c I started contracting at 31 weeks. So, I have not had a comlication free pregnancy with any of my kids. I feel like I lost something. I wish for a delivery free of being hooked up to so many machines, one free of drugged induction. I wanted so badly to have a drug free delivery with my third, but due to the induction and the severe abdominal pain I had, I couldn't tolerate not having pain medication.

I usually feel OK about it all, considering how lucky I am, but then someone around me gets pregnant, and they make it look like nothing. It makes me feel like my body is in no way maternal. I wonder why my body doesn't nurture my babies, instead of attacking them. But, I feel very lucky at the same time, it could have been so much worse, and I am thankful every day that it wasn't. Although I wish no one ever had to deal with these disorders, I am glad that I am not alone in the way I feel.

camillefritz
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby camillefritz » Thu Apr 25, 637675 1:54 pm

I am so glad to hear other people feel this way, and after so long. I had PE with HELLP 2 and 1/2 years ago, along with 2 deaths in my family that week- it was an awful birth experience. I didn't get to hold Autumn for a week, or even see her for 3 days. She was in the NICU for a month. So when I was out on a girls night this week and people were complaining about their "normal" deliveries, I was burning up inside, to my surprise, after all this time. I thought I was over it, but I guess you never forget. I am pregnant again, and this probably doesn't help my emotional state. Reading a lot of the postings is making me have to hold back tears at work- but is it so reassuring to hear other people reiterate my feelings. Thank you!

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catherine
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby catherine » Tue Dec 18, 637674 7:10 pm

This may sound crazy but.....

Fight to "own" the experience! I'm just coming up to the 5th anniversary of Lucy's birth and my husband and I were "reminiscing" about it this weekend. I put that in quotes because I have absolutely no recollection of the 48 hours subsequent to my arrival at the hospital. My DH was out of town at a conference so he missed her delivery also. It has taken all this time to finally find a way to coax information from him to fill in the details and I doubt that I'm done yet. In the time immediately afterwards he couldn't or wouldn't talk to me about it. I'd eavesdrop on him talking to his closest friends to find out about details! It has taken such a long time for us to really be honest about our feelings and concerns all associated with those days. I've always felt tremendous guilt that I didn't go see my baby girl when she was in the NICU, but now, after talking to DH it has eased,(time, better understanding of the medicines and medications, and talking to people), and now I'm no longer so jealous that he was the one to see her, hold her, change diapers etc. For him, and now also for me, it's very precious to know that her dad was able to contribute in that special way, because there's nobody else in the world that I would trust and because, when there was little DH could do for me (or so he felt) he was able to feel like he was doing something positive.

There's a lot to be said for finding ways to work through your feelings. Support group, counsellor, close family and friends, the forums.. use what you can. We can't go back for a "do-over" but we can find ways to come to terms with the experience, and find ways to neutralize the negatives. I'm far from considering Lucy's delivery "perfect", but I can't imagine ever again experiencing the same intense happiness I felt as we left the hospital 5 years ago.

khailibowen
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby khailibowen » Sat Dec 08, 637674 4:52 pm

I can so relate to this. I was able to deliver vaginally, however, I was so drugged out on mag that I don't remember much. I remember refusing a c/s repeatedly, the doctor finally saying "open your eyes and see your baby" I remember ds being placed on my abdomin, the cord being cut and then him being rushed out with about a dozen people following. My dh looked at me, looked at him, looked back and me and I said "go be with him". I didn't get to see ds again for 24 hours except on the screen of our digital camara. It is very hard to hear the "perfect" birth stories of others, however, I know that that ds is now "perfect" so that is all that matters to me.

katie_uk
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby katie_uk » Tue Oct 23, 637674 1:15 pm

Compared to a lot of women here, I did have a normal delivery. I was induced at 38 weeks due to HELLP. I didn't have a C-section because my HELLP was was getting worse but only slowly and I didn't have bad PE, so the doctors had enough time to induce/deliver normally before I became too ill. Saying that, because of the type of induction and the need for a swift delivery I was drugged up to the hilt. I wasn't able to hold my son after delivery and I can sympathise being jealous of DH. I talk to my friends about their labours and they talk as if they remember it like yesterday. I was in hospital for a week and I can barely remember any of it. The bit's I do remember are fuzzy. I can't remember which ward I was in and when (I was moved about 3 times during the week). I can't even really remember what the doctors said or what they did. All I can remember is that they were always stabbing me with needles. It took me a long while to get better and I can barely remember what happened in the first three months of my DS life.

It's sad to think I missed out on this wonderful part of his life. Normal delieveries with this wretched condition are few, and I know I am lucky. However, I still feel robbed. I feel selfish for saying that, especially reading what other women have gone through, but I will always wish it hadn't happened.

Katie
Dylan Morgan 01/19/05 (induced at 38 weeks due to HELLP)


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