jealous of normal delivery

Have you suffered from HELLP syndrome or had a pregnancy complicated by an underlying disorder? Discuss your concerns here
browncow
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby browncow » Thu Dec 03, 637671 6:20 pm

I worked at an addictions treatment center during my pregnancy and was surrounded by pregnant staff and consumers. I found myself jealous of consumers-addicts recovering from extensive alcohol and drug abuse-having healthy babies when I don't drink, smoke, or take drugs and had 6 and 1/2 month preemie weighing less than two pounds!

I was disturbed to feel that way but in speaking with my supervisor (a LCSW/Mental Health Counselor), discovered that my thoughts were normal rather than irrational. I didn't wish harm on the babies born to addicted mothers-quite the opposite, I was happy that they made it out alive and healthy-I just had to reconcile that things happen for reasons not always known to us.


jamilyn
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby jamilyn » Thu Nov 12, 637671 12:08 am

Its nice to hear we arent alone here. Im very happy that I now have a healthy son but i just dream about having a pregnancy that isnt as draining and where im not as sick and to be able to bring the baby home with me at the same time from the hospital.

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rosemary
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby rosemary » Mon Nov 09, 637671 11:43 am

When I was pregnant with my first, I was horribly sick all the time. All I longed for was to be a glowing pregnant woman at that time. I thought that horrible morning, noon and night sickness was the worst that it could get. How wrong I was. Two miscarriages followed and then a fourth pregnancy that ended with severe PE/HELLP and losing my son, and nearly my life. Reality can be very humbling and brutally cruel. I suppose all I should have ever wished for was to come home with a baby from the hospital. Life sure isn't fair, and I am sorry that so many of us have learned that the hard way.

emersons mom
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby emersons mom » Sun Oct 18, 637671 2:53 pm

lucy21,
Looking back I was so dazed when my son was in the nicu.....never knew of such a place...full of torment and love and loud freaking scary beeps.....the first few weeks i was timid and scared and in awe...when i could finally hold my son....my timidity went away and i knew he was mine......i also lost it in the nicu after about 7 weeks....the one day i was mean and crying and not trying to hide my emotions it was like the nurses in that final room were babysitters collecting a paycheck...they got me so mad.....they had changed my sons feedings without talking to us or the doctor...they decided to put him back on gavage part of the time.....i was at my wits end.....the doctors of course put him back on the bottle and sent him home the next week.....they actually said our son did better for us than the nurses.....i regret not being mad and mean earlier on...maybe he could have come home sooner........sorry i went way off subject....just so nice to hear i am not the only non-politically correct mindful parent in the nicu world!!!

lucy21
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby lucy21 » Sun Oct 18, 637671 5:52 am

I can totally relate to this.... I have had 3 c-sections and have friends and a sister-in-law who have made comments to me such as "Do you feel cheated not delivering like a real mum is meant too"..... AARRGGHHHH. I used to be heart broken about it, but now I respond to these type of comments with "They could have cut both my arms off to get my babies out safely, I couldn't care less how they got here". Although this is not entirely how I feel, it makes me feel better to say that.
I remember I kept saying that we were so lucky that our last baby made it to 30 weeks after I was hospitalised from 23 weeks and we very nearly had him that first day.... BUT then one day I just totally broke down in the NICU and yelled at everyone saying that It wasn't fair and we weren't lucky and that the lucky people were upstairs with their healthy full-term babies breastfeeding and looking forward to going home.... NOt sitting here hoping and praying and wondering when I will hold my baby for the first time and if he will survive the menogitis that is making him so sick.
This disease is NOT FAIR and it is ok to say that out loud

missgamecock
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby missgamecock » Sun Oct 18, 637671 12:52 am

quote:Originally posted by Jamilyn

I start crying at the idea of not having to go to the OB and Peri 2 - 3 times a week and getting called at least once a day from my OB's nurse to check on my BP and make sure I'm not out running around.

ME TOO. My ob had his nurses calling me at home to make sure I stayed in bed and for bp readings. It was hard at the end having an appt with the peri and the ob each week.

jamilyn
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby jamilyn » Thu Oct 08, 637671 6:37 am

Its great to hear we arent alone on things like this. I have family members and friends who have perfect pregnancies. I start crying at the idea of not having to go to the OB and Peri 2 - 3 times a week and getting called at least once a day from my OB's nurse to check on my BP and make sure I'm not out running around. The thought of having a pregnancy where you dont worry about how early your child will be delivered and when will the surprise of when it strikes happen. Also being able to get really excited when you see the positive on the pregnancy stick. I think I cried for 3 days and went into my OB scared out of my mind. I couldnt even tell my family, I was afraid of something happening really early into it.
Sorry that was a little bit of a vent. My aunt just had a perfectly happy baby last week weighing 8 pounds (something I pray for and very happy that she doesnt have to experience what I had to). I went to see him and give him a sponge bath and asked why we didnt just put him in the Bath I totally forgot about the belly button and the umbilical cord. My sons had fallen off way before he came home. LoL.
But its also the experience I had that brought my family and friends closer to me and straightened our friendships.
Thanks to all of you here for the support.!!!!

emersons mom
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby emersons mom » Thu Oct 08, 637671 4:22 am

Averyann's mom,

well....i am crying now just knowing i am not alone in this wave of grief from nowhere......as a funny sidenote we still have not bought a crib.....he is in the bassinnette and seems like he will be for a year....but i bought the crib bumper and sheets....it is like my pre conceived ideas got tossed away cause i was so naive and actually never thought i would have a micro preemie....he is still in preemie-newborn clothes.....just been such a hard week for me all emotional over silly little nothing ideas i had about what bringin home a baby would be like......I am trying to get back in the positive camp...had my haircut today....have no clue when it was cut last....i think when my son was in the nicu.......back about june 10th i bet.........i requested my records and surgery notes today from my peri........so i can have a baseline for my new gyn......plus i have a screaming monster for a son the last week....nothing seems to soothe him....sleep comes in 40 minute bursts.....thanks all!!!! i need the feeling that i am not alone.

missgamecock
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby missgamecock » Wed Oct 07, 637671 2:43 am

I'm in total agreement with how everyone feels here. Others have expressed it perfectly the loss and grief. One thing that I will remember from Kirsten's birth was that people at the base that we were stationed at heard through the grapevine that a mom was in the hospital and having her baby a month early. Imagine my surprise when several women that I did not even know, showed up at the hospital (which was an hour away from the base) with a bag full of newborn clothes and newborn diapers. Their babies were 9+lbs when born and couldn't wear them. But they knew my early baby could. The radio station announced the baby (my roomie for one day was the wife of a dj) and asked for prayers that everything would be ok. One of my friends came up with a plate FULL of cookies. we dived into them because the hospital food stunk. I shared with all of the people who had had babies on the floor from the base.

With Sara, when I was so sick afterwards from the delivery. I'll never forget the kindness of the l&d nurses. Sara was readmitted and they knew I was sick. They put her in a pp room. Put me in the pp room with her in bed. Told me to act just like a patient and even brought me lunch. One of the nurses and the midwife from my dr's ofice even held my hand because I was so upset and in tears. Then gave me a bunch of formula because they felt so bad. They had taken Sara the first night to be monitored cause she was early. Took her from me the second night because I was sick. So I had only had a little bit of time with her between discharge and her being readmitted. I was very upset. When I was readmitted for an emergency d&c. I was admitted back to the L&D floor because it was after hours. Those same nurses were great. Took really good care of me. Walked me through every part of the process. I was terrified because I had never had surgery before, but they really played it down. I was fine.

Ok that was my story on the positive. It will take time. Sometimes it will come and stab you in the heart. I had that experience last night at the grocery store when I saw a HUGE pregnant woman. She must have been very close to her due date. I thought, I never got to do that. It does get better. One day at a time.

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catherine
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Re : jealous of normal delivery

Postby catherine » Wed Oct 07, 637671 12:05 am

These are the things that haunt us.

However, it can be really helpful to try and find ways to reflect on the positives associated with the event.

I'm still very amazed and touched at how willing near strangers were to help us. My next-door neighbor held my hand during my C-section, US air employees moved heaven and earth to get my DH onto the appropriate planes so he could come home, my techs shopped, babysat, slowly brushed the tangles out of my hair, brought me audiobooks from the library etc. The list goes on, and on, and on. I've never been the recipient of such an outpouring of consideration and it has totally changed my perspective on life.

I'm very thankful and grateful for the extreme competence of all of the MDs and nursing staff who took care of me. They were amazing. I work where I was ill and I still see some of them around. I was really excited to see that the dialysis nurse that I met just became the father of triplets last month.... boy did he ever deserve that! Seeing excellent medicine competently practised is very impressive.

Having a baby under those circumstances reconnected me to the important things in life. My existence has/had been relatively charmed up until that moment, and now I know that nothing should be taken for granted, and that I was extremely fortunate not to have to pay for that lesson with my child's life.

You've given up a huge amount of expectations, but at the same time, you've been given enormous gifts. Over time, you'll come to feel more in balance with things, it'll still hurt, but more like stubbing your toe than a knife in your heart.


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