Well, I just barely started posting, and all of you get to hear a rave from me already. Really, you'll love me. Everybody does. And if I keep telling myself that, it'll be true. [:D]
I saw a new OB a week ago, and she said as soon as I have a normal cycle--I'm just coming off my first and last Depo Provera shot--I'm okay to start heparin and try the whole pregnancy thing again.
So. That was Wednesday, and then I started spotting and breaking out Thursday, so I was hopeful maybe I might be starting, but my gosh--has anyone else had a depo shot? It's ridiculous!
Anyway...peri called today and said he doesn't want me to try for another couple of months. He has good reasons, but you know how you get something all set in your mind that you want to do, and then somebody tells you, "no"? That's how I'm feeling right now. I haven't been pregnant for 2 1/2 years now, and I feel so increadibly ready, and now BOOM--he just put the brakes on. I absolutely trust his opinion (he specializes in my autoimmune disorder as it relates to pregnancy--can't beat that), so I'm really stuck, but I'm just so bummed. And even though he said a few months, with what he was describing (new research in APS), I have a feeling it'll drag out longer than he says.
I know, I'm completely lame. It's not like he's said I can't ever get pregnant again. But I'm feeling impatient, and I'm feeling the whole "biological time clock" thing going (you're all going to laugh at me because I'm only 27), but my peri would love for me to be done with my pregnancies as close to 30 as possible.
And two of my coworkers are pregnant and I'm so tired of working in a pharmacy where women come in with Medicaid cards for their 5 children by 4 different fathers and it's 2:00 in the morning and now I'm crying.
Did I mention I'm never going to get another Depo shot?
This is way too long. I'm going to shut up now. I need sleep, and I need to stop working 60 hours a week. And dammit, I need a baby.
I tried to explain it to my husband, but he tried to fix my problems. Men are silly sometimes. And a girl at work actually said to me, "Well, you're not the only one with that problem." I love her dearly, but she's 19 years old, and I wanted to say, "Really? How many dead babies do you have?" Fortunately, I opted to just stop talking to her altogether.
Okay. Thanks for listening.
m/c 14 weeks
HELLP & PIH 19 weeks
m/c 6 weeks