Stressed out

[brismom]

Wow.... As I contemplate another pregnancy, do research on PE/HELLP, I find myself getting very stressed.

[ozierja]

That is completely normal. It is a really difficult decision. I am not sure that I will ever really come to terms with what happened; I think a lot of people carry a lot of baggage from their experiences but I think you do finally learn to cope. FWIW...
It probably seems really fresh right now since you are thinking about TTC but it is absolutely normal. The best thing you can do is what you are doing...educate yourself and be your own advocate.

[brismom]

The scary part is I thought I was o.k. after my therapy last year but I feel like I am regressing. Not to mention, I hope this is normal but I feel so guily reading some posts especially the ones where people have lost their babies. My daughter was perfect (IUGR 5lbs. 2 oz ) only I got sick post partum. She is smart, an all star athlete and beautiful in every way. I am grateful but feel like I should just count my blessings and quit while I'm ahead. I feel as if I am being selfish for not thinking I dodged a bullet and we are both healthy (aside from my fibromyalgia) and stop comparing myself to my friends with multiple children. I do that alot. I guess it's because that was my dream as well. Boy... I think it's time to give my therapist a call again. I am thrilled I have my daughter in my life and couldn't imagine life without her but I know she would love a sibling and I am not sure if that's something I could give her. Once again, more guilt. No wonder I have the blues lately. Too much guilt.

[anonpreemiemom]

It's not an easy decision but in a way I think the deciding part is more stressful. Because once you get pregnant, that's it. You're in it for the long haul and you can't do anything but move forward. In a way that part was a relief for us. Still lots of anxiety. I hit full term today and had a bit of a panic attack about something happening last minute.

But yes, as I have said before I truly believe this has been the hardest decision of my life after having had a baby at 28 weeks and having been in a medical situation where the doc told my husband flat out it could be fatal. What other decision do you make in life where you are knowingly putting your health at risk?? I say that not to scare you but make you feel better about taking it so seriously. You are doing the right thing by weighing all the pros and cons!!!

[jenmatt1]

I agree with anonpreemiemom. I went back and forth so many times over last 2 years if we wanted to have another child. Of course I wanted one, but I kept on trying to weigh the options. We had finally decided to try one more time and low and behold I was already a few weeks pregnant. At that point, you try to focus on moving forward and staying healthy for as long as possible. It is scary- especially when you have another child. I worry if I am putting my own life at risk and her future by trying to have another baby- but I do know that the biggest risk is for the baby this time, not me, since I am more acutely aware of the symptoms, signs and things to be on look-out for. Honestly, I will not take extreme risks with my own life because I have a daughter to worry about already- but I am trying to be prepared for whatever happens.

This site gives me a lot of hope because there are lots of women who make it through with healthy babies at the end of the day. For me, I needed to know exactly what I was getting into this time so I could try to prepare for as many consequences or issues as possible.

[sezza]

I think that the hardest thing about contemplating/ getting pregnant after having a REALLY traumatic birth is that you feel that you cannot get excited about it. There is so much to worry about and I get a bit jealous of people that can just get pregnant, don't really have to plan for it, eat what they like and not even worry about making it to term, let alone what trauma may come about....
BUT it might not happen again.
I saw a counselor for about a year and I think that it really helped me go through what may happen and how I would cope if it did. I found that the planning was ok (and it has been military style) but when I got pregnant the reality hit and it was really hard. But it settles down and i just got to it. And I have found that there are times that I get overwhelmingly excited about this baby.
For us the desire to have another child was the overwhelming factor and we thought that despite the trauma we have ended up with a happy healthy child. In saying that if the pregnancy that I got hellp in was the second there is NO way that we would go for a third.
I hope that this is not sounding too bad. It is hard to make the decision and only you can do it. You are normal for having all those questions. I think that because of the lack of knowledge about hellp/pre-ecl it makes it harder. you might get it, you might not and you won't really know until the end.
Try not to beat yourself up. Sometimes easier said than done!!!!!