So angry.

Have you suffered from HELLP syndrome or had a pregnancy complicated by an underlying disorder? Discuss your concerns here
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Re: So angry.

Postby brismom » Thu Dec 15, 2011 03:23 pm

I can relate.
Last edited by brismom on Mon May 14, 2012 09:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: So angry.

Postby kbielec » Wed Dec 14, 2011 07:38 am

I have the same feelings of anger sometimes, and it took me over 2 years to TTC again after we lost our daughter...and when I finally got pregnant a little over 2 months ago, I lost's not fair. My husband has 2 lovely children from a previous marriage but we so want to have our own, and for us, his age and mine is making it almost to late.
Don't be so hard on yourself, take it one day at a time...and if you would really like to TTC - go get a few opinions from OB's and MFM's and then see how you feel.
Hang in there.
Mom to Annabelle born at 26 weeks due to HELLP (2008) I found out I had Factor V and MTHFR after delivery.
(12/2011) miscarriage, twin boys 8 weeks, on LDA, Folbate, Lovenox
(02/2012) Pregnant - praying for beautiful take home baby due Nov. 3, 2012, on LDA, Folbate, Lovenox

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So angry.

Postby bordergurl72 » Mon Dec 12, 2011 09:36 pm

Sometimes I feel like I am ok, and other times I am sad, and other times I am so angry, like I am today. It really hurts :(

I had my daughter over 6 1/2 years ago, and thankfully, she was born small, but healthy (and has since then caught up in size). And she is perfect. I am so very grateful for her, and realize that many people are not so lucky.

But it is almost 7 years later and while I have much less anxiety about most things than I did for the first couple of years after HELLP, I still suffer from PTSD. I would love, love, love to have another, but the thought sends me in in downward spiral of anxiety. It seems so unfair. I am so desperately envious of those who can have effortless pregnancy after pregnancy. People who don't worry, who have home births as effortlessly as choosing what wallpaper to use in their bathroom. I am envious of people who discover they are pregnant and can't contain their elation of the next 9 months. People who think pregnancy is a celebration and not an illness.

I am angry that HELLP has robbed me of the things that the majority of women get to experience over and over and over again, if that is what they want. That is has robbed me of the choice.

I have been to specialists. I have received their thoughts on what they think my chances are of experiencing HELLP/PE again. I have had the tests. I have been to therapy. And here I am, I am still terrified, and I am almost 40, and now it is almost too late. It has been over 5 years since my last pregnancy (strike one against me), and to add "advanced" maternal age to my already risky category is not appealing to me. I wasted time being afraid and now it is pretty much too late to do anything even if I wanted.

I apologize if this makes me sound like a spoiled brat. I apologize that I haven't visited here in a while, and then when I do it is a big rant. Some days I just want to cry and scream. I cherish my daughter more than anything in my life, but I wish I could give her a bigger family, I wish I could give myself a bigger family. I guess the desire to have a larger family becomes apparent during the holidays. But, I am so grateful that I have her, because she makes life wonderful. Sometimes I think the emotional scars are worse than the physical ones.

Thank you so much for reading.
Anne, 39
DH, 47
Daughter born March 2005 at 38 weeks at only 4 1/2 lbs. by emergency c-section. Severe PE, HELLP & IUGR.
36 weeks of carefree PG, then it all went downhill and had an excruciating 2 weeks of pain and brushing off by Dr's until being properly diagnosed and delivered at 38 weeks. Since then have been diagnosed with celiac (2009) and Hashimoto's (2011).
Terrified to TTC, but really want to TTC.

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