Although my Tyler entered and left his mommy over 8.5 yrs ago, I still have difficulty answering some questions. Having just recently found an outlet and support for what I went through, I am seeking advice.
Over the past 8 yrs, I have been asked "So, do you have any children?" There have been many times I have said "NO" and there are times I have said "YES" and I have personally struggled and beat myself up about both answers. I always feel like if I say "NO", I am deminishing the life that Tyler had with me. If I say "YES", I know there is a "BUT" coming because I can't talk about him as anything other than a two week old whom I loved and lost. I don't want others sympathy or to put them in a bad spot.
I know in my heart of hearts I have a child and I am a mommy. I have rationalized my answers based on who the person is and whether or not I want them to know my life. I am pretty open, but choose who to share Tyler with and who not to. Am I making any sense?
I have a mother's necklace with Tyler's birthstone in it and have been asked before about it. I have said that it represents my son and all those children in my life for whom I am close (nepehew and stepchildren). Sometimes I don't justify his life by telling our story to them, I just move on.
I was wondering if anyone has ever felt the same way? Thank you.
DH, Tom (33)
Tyler 3-9-95 to 3-23-95 (26 wks pe/HELLP)
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