Weighing the pros and cons of another baby

[robyn]

Now that Oliver is a full-fledged toddler, I'm finding myself toying with the idea of having another baby. After he was born, I swore up and down that I wouldn't even consider another pregnancy. It's amazing how selective my memory can be!

How do I even begin to explore this issue with my dh? He is feeling pretty strongly that 2 is enough, especially considering our last attempt. I understand where he's coming from. Why take an unnecessary risk? Oliver has had a pretty remarkable outcome considering his early birth, but even that was terribly stressful on our family. If we would have another preemie that has more issues, it would put a strain on us all.

I get so much hope coming on here and reading all of the stories from women who have controlled their symptoms enough to carry to term (or close enough). I keep thinking that "even if" I got PE, I could manage better than I did last time because I'm so much better informed. Am I just fooling myself? My dr sees no reason why I shouldn't have another baby, but he's no expert.

I know that this is a selfish desire. How do I make peace with myself that my pregnancy days are over? Or, how do I convince my dh that this is a reasonable thing to try?

Robyn, mom to 27-weeker Oliver and FT Max

[tgenco]

Robin,
I too drove myself crazy wanting a second. My first now 8 years old with severe eclamsia seizures, bp240/159 and nearly dying. I had a hard time convincing my hub also. When my father dyed near his 49th birthday and I had no siblings to lean on, I realized this would be the same for my daughter, should anything happen to us. I began to think of her needs and consulted a specialist. He told me my chances of mortality with another pregnancy were less than getting killed in a car crash. That under close care the second pregnancy chances would be less than 5% of getiing it again.
so we did it, my hub had a Vasectomy, ( thats right it scared him sooo bad)so we spent over 10,000 of our savings to have it reversed and I am now in week 33 with NO symptoms.. Cross your fingers, I am taking the asprin, vitamin c and e and tenormin, and so far so good. Follow your heart, weigh the pros and cons for you child you have now and see a specialist before to get an individual opinion. Best wishes!!

[akemt]

BTW, I think the desire to have another baby is BY NO MEANS a selfish desire. Do what is right for you and your family. And good luck in your decision!

Catherine (22)
DH Britton (27)
Emma Margaret (03/02/03) 37 weeks from PIH & oligo

[carinh]

I too am weighing the idea about having a second child and thinking I'm being selfish. Months, years, later I see myself as taking a huge risk. I've talked to a few people and they've been supportive of me and have been encouraging. I am very close with my brother and can't imagine not growing up with a sibling, I want the same for my son. The only reassurance that I have is the support of my husband, who still waivers at times, and the knowledge that I now know about this condition that I was unaware of before. My Dr. has been encouraging also and has reassured me that I would have a specialist and twice as many check-ups. You should ask your Dr. about a specialist too if that would ease your worries. If you really want another child, don't let the idea of not trying haunt you 20yrs from now by saying "What if..." or "Had we only..." You only live once, so enjoy.

Carin -Cayden 2yrs, 32wks. Pree & severe HELLP

[annegarrett]

I think the best advice I ever got was when I was 23 and found myself in an unplanned pregnancy. Trust me--you get ALOT of advice then. In the end--a minister friend of mine said, "You have to just trust your heart and do what is right for you--of course it is a selfish decision--any of the options available could be considered selfish-depending on how you look at it--make your decision, and then shut the "What if" door in your head and believe you made the right one." People will have an opinion about everything you do. The only opinion that matters though is the one you live with.

Anne Garrett
Executive Director
Preeclampsia Foundation

[mom2alyssa]

That was such great advice. Thanks for sharing that Anne!

Renee mom to Alyssa 26 wkr now 19 mo