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I was fine, but...

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Re : I was fine, but...

Postby michal » Wed Feb 25, 2004 01:23 pm

by michal (20 Posts), Wed Feb 25, 2004 01:23 pm

It is so awful that you had to go through all the ethical issues and were treated the way you were . I am also religiously observant ( Jewish ) and I also had many of the same issues to deal with . I remember when I started developing PE at 24 weeks a doctor asked me if I was interested in terminating my pregnancy . This was after all I had struggled in order to get to 24 weeks . I lasted out another 10 days , and by the time my daughter was born I was so severely ill , I nearly died . When I was in the emergency recovery room and I went into renal failure , I kept on thinking what would happen if my daughter Tali never had a mother . I felt so bad that I had tried to have another child , while putting my life on the line . I felt so guilty that I had not taken my daughter Tali into account .
If I remember correctly , you have an older child like me .
I know for me , each day when I am with her , I am thankful that God spared my life so that my daughter can have a mom .

I went to speak to a social worker after I lost Dina . I am still continuing to see her now and it helped me a great deal .
My husband and I were also very close after Dina died , but then he carried one with his life and I was left with my grief . The only place I could go and vent was with the social worker because he had already reached a point where he wanted to put it behind us .
I think men and women are just different and although he came with me once to speak to the social worker , I never dragged him with me again .

Me and my daughter Tali talk about Dina a lot , and that is special .
I think you need to find someone that you feel " safe " with to talk to , and often a professionally trained person is very objective and nonjudgemental , and helps to put things into perspective .

Take Care

Michal
Mom to Tali ( PE and HELLP 32 weeks , 5/3/1998 ) ,my first angel in heaven ( PE and HELLP 20 weeks , 20/2/2002 ) , my seccond angel in heaven , Dina Chaya Hodaya ( PE and HELLP , , 25 weeks , ,29/10/2003-4/11/2003 )

I



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Re : I was fine, but...

Postby calliesmom » Fri Feb 27, 2004 05:21 pm

by calliesmom (22 Posts), Fri Feb 27, 2004 05:21 pm

Michal,

You're right, I do need to talk to someone.

My mother is no help...she has chronic foot-in-mouth syndrome. She called Wednesday and said, "So this was when the baby was supposed to be born, huh?" and she left it at that. [:(]

I tried talking to my husband. I tried to tell him how hard this week was for me, and I just cried. He hugged me, and then went on about his business. I know he loves me, but I don't think he "gets it", you know?

Thank you for your reply. It helps me to know these feelings are normal.

Callie's Mom
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Re : I was fine, but...

Postby kdreher » Wed Mar 03, 2004 05:25 pm

by kdreher (2482 Posts), Wed Mar 03, 2004 05:25 pm

Callie's Mom,
I know you posted this a few days ago, but my heart melted for you when I read you last post. Are your feelings normal?? You betcha. I lost my son Tyler to sever Pre-E and HELLP. He was born on March 9th 1995 and passed on March 23rd 1995. I was 25 at the time and it will be 9 years in just a matter of days. Nine years and though the immense pain has subsided, I am just as emotional at this time and different times throughout the year. I have not had any other children or attempted to and I remarried in 2000. My husband has no idea what I or my family went through but he is always there to listen or hold me when I need to cry. He "got it" all along but I didn't let him in for a while. I was the one who cried alone pushing him away dealing with the pain and loss myself. I now can feel comfortable enough to let him in when I need to cry. Please keep in mind that you are #1 to yourself and have to grieve whether you have every one on board or not.
I wish you the very best and my heart goes out to you.

Kris (34)
DH, Tom (33)
Tyler 3-9-95 to 3-23-95 (26 wks pe/HELLP)

tkstevens@sbcglobal.net or kstevens@cga.uscg.mil
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