by tschnelle (10 Posts), Mon Apr 05, 2004 09:02 am
Wow! I've heard so many in these last 5 months and two days. Some days things people say "hit me" harder than others. I try to remember that they really have good intentions, and don't know what to say, but feel the need to say something.
I have the hardest time with, "How are you doing, now?" Not because it is said with malice, but how do you answer someone with a short answer? And my answer wouldn't be the same one day to the next. I am dealing with my grief, but I am not over it, nor ever really expect to be. I am learning to live with it, but it will always be my companion, whether I like it or not.
I cringe at the "God had a reason for this" statements. I believe in God whole heartedly, a God of life, and peace, and grace. While I feel like he does have the power to orchestrate such things, I believe he did not fashion Gracie in my womb and shape her for 36+ weeks only to take her on her birthday. I think He allowed it to happen, and that He most certainly can (and has) use it, but to cause it? I just have a hard time with that.
I cherish ever little moment spent with that precious little girl, both in life, each kick, each bout of sleeplessness, each rash of heartburn. This experience has made me grateful of discomfort.
I have a dear friend who shared my last half and her first half of pregnancy. Now that she is blessed with a precious little one, when she complains about discomforts, inconvenience, and unrealistic expecations of everyone else in her family taking care of her own children, I want to scream! I pray for patience in dealing with my greif and unmeaningly insensitive people.
My regards to anyone else walking this road. There is always hope.
mommy to Grace Elizabeth,
born still 11-03-03 at 36wks and 5 days
due to PE & HELLP
Bel Air, MD
Love to be a SAHM? Ask me how.