It is so awful that you had to go through all the ethical issues and were treated the way you were . I am also religiously observant ( Jewish ) and I also had many of the same issues to deal with . I remember when I started developing PE at 24 weeks a doctor asked me if I was interested in terminating my pregnancy . This was after all I had struggled in order to get to 24 weeks . I lasted out another 10 days , and by the time my daughter was born I was so severely ill , I nearly died . When I was in the emergency recovery room and I went into renal failure , I kept on thinking what would happen if my daughter Tali never had a mother . I felt so bad that I had tried to have another child , while putting my life on the line . I felt so guilty that I had not taken my daughter Tali into account .
If I remember correctly , you have an older child like me .
I know for me , each day when I am with her , I am thankful that God spared my life so that my daughter can have a mom .
I went to speak to a social worker after I lost Dina . I am still continuing to see her now and it helped me a great deal .
My husband and I were also very close after Dina died , but then he carried one with his life and I was left with my grief . The only place I could go and vent was with the social worker because he had already reached a point where he wanted to put it behind us .
I think men and women are just different and although he came with me once to speak to the social worker , I never dragged him with me again .
Me and my daughter Tali talk about Dina a lot , and that is special .
I think you need to find someone that you feel " safe " with to talk to , and often a professionally trained person is very objective and nonjudgemental , and helps to put things into perspective .
Mom to Tali ( PE and HELLP 32 weeks , 5/3/1998 ) ,my first angel in heaven ( PE and HELLP 20 weeks , 20/2/2002 ) , my seccond angel in heaven , Dina Chaya Hodaya ( PE and HELLP , , 25 weeks , ,29/10/2003-4/11/2003 )