I am so sorry for what you're going through.
Please know though, that you are absolutely entitled to have these feelings. You have no reason to feel ridiculous or bad, you are coping with more than any person should ever have to bear. Time does help to heal but, I sometimes wonder how many eternities it will take.
I lost my son in July and my birthday was this past February. It was horrible. I wanted a quiet dinner with my husband but, my family really wanted to get together for dinner. Turns out, my family had planned a surprise party. I know they meant the best and I appreciate what they were trying to do but, it was a very long party and exhausting to be excited about celebrating the past year and a new year without my son. I think these traditions help everyone around us to heal and feel better because they really do look at it as a turning point for your grief. (New Year - "2004 is going to be a great year for you, I just know it, time to look forward and not back..." or Birthday - "This is going to be a great year for you, before you're 28 you'll be holding a baby in your arms... etc.)
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe
Southern California Coordinator