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How are your spouses dealing?

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How are your spouses dealing?

Postby sam10 » Mon Apr 19, 2010 10:32 pm

I am just curious how your spouses are dealing with PE/HELLP and/or the physical and emotional consequences. Are they helpful, involved, withdrawn, or themselves struggling?

How are you doing as a couple? For us, there are definitely times when we struggle as a couple, since we are both looking for support, when neither of us can give much.
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Re : How are your spouses dealing?

Postby annes » Tue Apr 20, 2010 08:31 am

My husband was like a rock for me during all of our ups and downs, but I know that there was a huge toll on him. He was worried about losing me, worried about the pregnancies, wanting another baby after our son died, but not wanting to pressure me. Now that we are done with the baby-making phase of our marriage, he has opened up to me a lot more about how hard this was on him. These issues can make or break a relationship, and we count ourselves very lucky that our relationship withstood the pressure. My best advice is to talk about the fact that this is hard, when our son died, my husband and I talked about the fact that a lot of relationships don't make it through losing a child and we talked about that a lot. Take care of yourselves.
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Re : How are your spouses dealing?

Postby missgamecock » Tue Apr 20, 2010 08:44 am

My dh does not talk about it period
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Re : How are your spouses dealing?

Postby kbunsey » Tue Apr 20, 2010 10:26 pm

It actually made us a stronger couple. I agree with what Ann said about make or break. We deal/handle things very differently, but we handle them together. I talk and talk and talk and talk. Sometimes he'll say something. Or get emotional. Mostly, he is just present. And caring. And diligent. During my acute grief period I yelled and cried and ran and raged and felt totally insane. Grief feels like insanity. And he was there. Hugging and holding and helping. And he was amazing during our second pregnancy and I was a lot to manage. He was at every appointment. Talking to the doctors. Helping me through my insanity (PTSD and flashbacks). Calling the doctors if I felt like a dork for wanting to call for the umpteenth time. He went to some therapy with me after we lost FB and actually we ended up working on just regular marital stuff over the course of the year too. That was good for us. It was hard on him, though, the stress of it all. He gained a lot of weight during my 2nd pregnancy - he's a stress eater. And he had some major health issues of his own that I sometimes think we brought on by the stress. It was scary for him - me being preg again. He's the strong silent type that eats ice cream instead of talking about it. I'll talk about things 'till I'm blue in the face. But - we're all doing well now. We're all healthy. And sometimes, his grief shows up more now. It wasn't until after I was getting better that he had time to deal with his feelings. He likes to go to the cemetery regularly. He always takes flowers. It is his thing. I don't know how I feel about the cemetery lately. My grief has changed into other manifestations. It just does.

Take care of you.
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Re : How are your spouses dealing?

Postby brianned5 » Wed Apr 21, 2010 07:41 am

We are, overall, a stronger couple since we had Kylie and lost her. It seems like we go in spurts though. After Kylie was born and then passed away we were as close as can be. After a few months we hit a rough patch. That seems to be the trend for us. I know it's stressful for DH. I still have really high BP so he is so worried about my health. He is very helpful and involved, but we still have our issues. I go to the cemetery every day. He goes 1-2 times a week. Even though I know he cares it upsets me he doesn't go as much as he used to. I don't get terribly upset looking at toys I think Kylie would have liked, DH cries everytime. He talks about Kylie a lot but is still way more silent about it than I am
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Re : How are your spouses dealing?

Postby sam10 » Fri Jun 04, 2010 00:04 am

Anne,
My husband and me are in therapy and it has been so very helpful. I can recommend it. It is a personal decision though, and not everybody reacts to it the same way. For us it has been a good decision.
Since I posted this question, we have improved very much as a couple. We have learned how to deal with each other, our situation. We have developed quite a strong bond.

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