TTC

[tinalowe]

Hubby and I have just passed the 6 month mark of losing Emma and have been given the go ahead to try again. A part of me is terrified of another pregnancy, scared that I will lose another child, something that I never considered after passing the first trimester with Emma. I just took for granted everything would be alright. The other part of me is excited about the possibility of becoming pregnant again. It's something I have to look forward to. Anyhow I was wondering how you all did it....did you do the charting, ovulation tests etc. or did you just let nature take it's course? We weren't as actively trying for number 1 as we will be for this one, we just weren't trying to prevent it.

Thanks all

Tina

Emma Victoria Lowe 12-28-2003

[tracey]

Hi Tina
Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry for the loss of your little Emma.
I know all too well what you are going through right now.
It has been roughly 5 1/2 months since we lost our little Ila.
Our peri had told us we could try again after three cycles, (since Ila was delivered vaginally -- no c-section because my platelets were so dangerously low), but we waited an extra couple of months to feel a little more "ready" and confident. Plus, I had a little issue with my thyroid going out of wack after the pregnancy and had to wait until it was somewhat stabilized.
Most importantly, though, we both really wanted to get past her due date in mid-May -- that felt like a big day in terms of both celebrating her and mourning her loss.
With Ila we got pregnant the first month we tried. I had used an Ovulation Predictor Kit, only because my cycles were a bit shorter than "normal" and I wasn't sure when I would be ovulating.
We just started trying again two weeks ago, and though I don't yet know for sure, I'm guessing we weren't successful. Since I delivered, my periods have been quite irregular, ranging from 23-28 days, so I really had no idea when I would be ovulating. Again, I used an OPK. If I'm right, and we weren't successful this month, I will be charting for the next cycle on top of using the OPKs.
I would love, as you said, to let "nature take its course" -- I just don't think it's in my personality, at least not at this point in time. [:I] I wish it were. My husband believes that's the way to go too. But right now, because my cycles seem so unusual right now, I am charting and OPKing just as much to find out if I am, in fact, ovulating at all, (or at least trying to).
In the end, you just have to go with what you feel is right.
I am completely with you on the emotional side: it is terribly frightening but also incredibly exciting to make that choice to TTC. I know that for me the "romance" of the first pregnancy is gone, but I am certain I will still be able to enjoy a second pregnancy and celebrate it like it deserves to be celebrated, despite all the appointments and anxiety.

One question: have you had a consultation with a high-risk OB (perinatalogist)? If not, I would definitely recommend you look into it before you start trying, as there are some underlying disorders they can test for, which can increase your chances of getting pe. In any case, the results to those tests, whether positive or negative, can help guide them in creating a plan of action for your treatment next time. Also, being with a doctor who "specializes" in high risk pregnancies may boost your confidence level -- I found that knowing I would be in very good hands made it much easier for me to take a leap of faith.

I hopes this small novel helps you somewhat. I look forward to getting to know you better in the future. Good luck and please keep us updated.

Tracey
mother to angel Ila Elizabeth (February 6, 2004), 25w2d

currently TTC number 2

[angelkat]

Hi and welcome to the forum...

TTC after a loss is one of the hardest things I have ever done. The feels of guilt that comes with it at times, can be very overwelming. I'm currently 32 weeks preg and it's been over a year that we loss our daughter and still at times, my mind goes crazy. This preg I am always wondering when is it going to hit, things are going to well, even thought about asking for an anti depressant just to get me through some of the hard spots.

I know that my little girl is watching me and making things ok which helps greatly ... Just wish the next 3 weeks would fly by .......

You've come to wonderful place for support as there is a lot of us going thru all of the same things right now....


Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(13)PE 37 wks
Ky (11)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey Looking at Aug
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V

[julie f]

Tina,

DH and I started trying in April and when I got the ++ in June, I was just as terrified as I was excited... The blissful ignorance of the first pregnancy is gone...

I have a friend who is currently due the day after me and her and her DH called yesterday to see if we wanted to plan a beach/camping trip for early next summer when the babies would be about 4 months old. Without even thinking twice, my response was, "Well, it depends on when our baby is born, I'm not taking a preemie on vacation at 4 months old..." She can't comprehend what I'm saying because she had a textbook pregnancy and has a healthy little one year old girl that came 2 weeks late... I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm very much on guard this pregnancy but, I also am so much more appreciative and know just what a miracle it is.

I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility in preparation for trying again and, as I'm fortunate enough to have pretty regular cycles, we were pg the 2nd month. I didn't chart or temp but, tried to pay really close attention to cervical mucous changes.

Hang in there, we'll be here for you on this journey.

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

Southern California Coordinator

[for faith]

Tina ~ I am in the same place a you, we are coming up on the 6 month anniversary of our loss and going to TTC next cycle. I agree with what the others have said. It is so nice to know others exactly in the same spot as you. I am going for an appointment with a peri next week to hopefully get the final go ahead. It is so scary to think about PE again, even so much more because of our kinds of losses.

For my last pregnancy I did chart and it is really helpful in knowing your cycles (www.fertilityfriend.com). For the 2 previous I just used OPKs. All the ways worked the first time [:)]. I am 35 and have a 4 year old son and didn't want to be this old with a baby or have my children so spaced (we have been trying since 2002), so I have to make this a whole planning ordeal. I hope that whatever you do it is successful in a time that is best.

Keep us posted on how you are doing, hopefully we can all make it through this time together. Take care,

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(preemie complications))

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 9/02

[tinalowe]

Thanks you guys!! :)

In answer to your question Tracey, yes I have been to see a peri he's the one that gave us the go ahead.

My cycles had been pretty regular since my c-section ususally 28 or 29 until the last 2 one was 36 and the last one was 40. I usually can tell by cervical mucus when I am ovulating. So I am thinking that maybe I will just wing it the first few months and see how it goes; then if not I will start taking the ovulation tests and charting.

Doc told me the easiest way was just not to stress about it. Easy for him to say!! It's not the conception part that stresses me it's the after. I am scared that I will never give birth to a healthy baby, my mil tried to tell me that was irrational. Not what I like to hear coming from someone who had two healthy pregancies. I know that she just doesn't understand. ALl my in-laws think that if I get pg again it will be alright, because my ob did say it usually happens only in the first pregnancy. I have tried to tell my mil that there is still a possibility that it won't go perfectly, but I think she just thinks that I am exaggerating. It's kind of hard to talk to her because of a lot of things that happened when I was in the hospital. I really would like her to be involved as much as my mother but she's too hard headed lol (aren't all mil's?) and doesn't let what I tell her sink in! Oh well enough of that I am off the subject.

I know it may sound silly but there is a part of me that sort of feels like I am betraying Emma by trying to become pg again. I know it isn't true and that Emma will always hold a special place in my heart. Even though I lost her I DO NOT regret my pregnancy. She may have never took a breath but she changed my life for the better more than most people will ever understand. I believe her little life had a purpose. Three months to the day after her death her daddy accepted Christ :), something I had been praying about for a long time. God was the only place Dereck could find any answers. Anyhow there I go rambling again, forgive me sometimes my mind strays! lol

Thanks again for all of your comments and please keep me in your prayers :)!

Tina Lowe
Emma Victoria 12-28-03

[for faith]

Tina ~ I understand about the feeling of betrayal, I feel that too. That is why I am secretly hoping when I do get pregnant the baby is a boy. This will be my last pregnancy, so she would have that special place in my life forever.

You are definately in my prayers, all the best.

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(preemie complications))

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 9/02

[tinalowe]

Julie after your post I bought Taking Charge of your Fertility I really love it!! Never knew there was so much I didn't know about my body even with all the reading I have done!!


Tina

Emma victoria stillborn 12-28-03

ttc#2

[houstygirl]

Hi all
I found out on Friday that I'm pregnant. I'm so scared.
I'm about 6 weeks along, I'm booked for a dating scan next tuesday to work out my exact dates (for when it comes to taking aspirin).

I thought I was ready for all this but now I'm not sure.
My friend lost her baby last week at 36 weeks...they don't know why.
Baby was perfect and she wasn't sick or anything. She just all of a sudden stopped feeling him move.

I'm desperate to hold a healthy baby...so far I know more dead babies than live ones.

I saw my doctor today and I've been referred to the specialist at the hospital. They are going to give me a packet of those stick thingies that you wee on and a BP monitor to take home. I'll be seen weekly though the entire pregnancy by the specialist.

I'm so scared by it all that I'm cold and shakey....I need to settle down...

Mum to Angel baby Jonathan Douglas
born still 3rd April 2004 31wks, weighing 880gms

[sharonda]

Hi everyone. I've missed you all sooooo much.
Anyway, My hubby and I are going to the perinatologist on Friday. I have been feeling so great knowing that my appointment is finally coming up. We had to wait a few weeks for an appointment. I have decided to start living life again. The stress was bad for me and bad for the child that I want to bring into this world. I try to think only positive thoughts now. When negative thoughts come to me, I change them into positive ones. If I get sad about Amaya, I think of her in heaven, protecting me and my DH. When I get scared about TTC, I think about how fun it will be trying.[:I] I find that this helps me.