by julie f (7993 Posts), Fri Feb 27, 2004 04:38 pm
I'm so sorry for your father-in-law's comments. After a tragedy like this we see how many people speak without thinking... Sometimes, they even try and put thought into their words but, as they can't possibly comprehend what you're going through, it can still be hurtful. I too wish people were more educated, I now feel like it is my job to make that happen. My MIL has brought up seeing a nutrionist several times because maybe I wasn't eating the right things, friends have told me that if I would've weighed more, maybe Zach wouldn't have been so small... Everyone's remarks now all revolve around - I must think positive or I will end up willing preeclampsia to happen again... Ignorance is a dangerous thing, I believe it can truly change a relationship.
It is so hard to deal with, especially when it comes to family. It has taken me 8 months to learn how to politely smile (of course it is a kiss my buns smile [}:)]) and change the subject. My SIL just had a little baby boy last week and numerous times this week I have heard - "Well, Natalie (MIL) finally has her grandson..." and "Oh, it's so nice to finally have a little boy in the family..." Ouch.
Hang in there, I wish I could tell you that people learn what is appropriate and wasn't isn't, but, I'm still waiting... What is great though is that you're able to express your feelings when people do say hurtful things. That will help them learn and help them to know what might be more helpful comments.
Take care of yourself,
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe
Southern California Coordinator