Julie--How are you doing?

[ann marie]

Hi Julie,

I know that you are coming up on Zachary's birthday and I was wondering how you are doing?? I'm keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Ann Marie (29)Moderator for "Ask the Experienced"
DH: Matt (32)
PIH/PE/Low Amniotic Fluid
Luke 3/17/04--37 weeks after 15 weeks of bedrest

[julie f]

Thank you for thinking of me Ann Marie.

Oh, I don't know how I'm doing. Some days I think I'm doing ok, I'm quite sure that a lot has to do with being pregnant again, I feel like Zach is with us, watching over his new brother or sister. Most days lately, I think I'm pretty numb, it's almost like I'm just floating through life, waiting to hit 32 weeks and I don't want to feel too much happiness or sadness until then. I'm also feeling guilty at times, for being excited about this new life while still mourning Zach. Pretty lonely too I guess, like I can't believe that the world didn't stop, not even for just a second, for my broken heart.

I just can't believe it's been a year already. Often, it seems like it was just yesterday but sometimes, it feels like it was a lifetime ago. A year ago, I was in the hospital telling my husband not to worry because I was going to stay put until I hit 32 weeks, then 36 and then we'd get to meet our baby. A year ago, I didn't really know what preeclampsia meant... Crazy how our lives change in an instant.

Zach was the most precious gift I've ever been given. I never knew how much love a heart could hold until I held him, I never just how much a heart could break until his spirit flew to heaven. I am so grateful for his life and so thankful for those five precious days.



Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

Southern California Coordinator

[amillhouse]

((((((( Julie )))))))) you are wonderful mom. . .

Anika

Mommy to Isaiah Dumisani Millhouse
20 January - 17 February 2004
Born at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia
Died at 28 days old of pneumonia
610 grams at birth
950 grams at death
My Angel Boy
"My firstborn, I will never forget you, always love you, and never replace you"
[URL=http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/d/dumisani]Isaiah's Website[/URL]

[ann marie]

We're all here for you Julie. I'm sure Zach is watching over you and your baby. I'll be keeping you in prayer. Make sure to let us know how you are doing this week.

Ann Marie (29)Moderator for "Ask the Experienced"
DH: Matt (32)
PIH/PE/Low Amniotic Fluid
Luke 3/17/04--37 weeks after 15 weeks of bedrest

[angelkat]

Julie....

My thoughts and prayers are with you this week and as always. Just know that Zach is right there with you helping thru this preg as he wants to see you happy also. I know how hard it is with all the different feelings and emotions running around and I'm praying this will be a good week for you.

My thoughts and prayers for comfort,peace and strength are with you and your DH this week as always.

Do you have any special things planned for this week?



Hugs
~T
Moderator Grief and Loss
Mommy to
Drew(13)PE 37 wks
Ky (11)PE 34 wks
~i~ Katlyne(12/9/02-04/02/03)25 wks
Casey Looking at Aug
Katlyne's Tribute Site
http://forevernetwork.com/lifestories/lifestory.cfm?Archive_ID=10971&Directory=/Archives/MountHope&Sort=V

[5thtymachrm]

~~~~~~~~~Hugs~~~~~~~~~

I can't even imagine your pain right now. You are in my prayers.

Elizabeth

Indigo E. 11/20/03:37wks, PIH
ttc #2 is a go!

[josiah1112]

I'll be thinking of you...Julie, you have a real gift with words. Did
anyone ever tell you this before? You capture the essence of things so well...

Gloria mom to Josiah 11/12/03- 12/4/03 @ 26wks pre e
Moderator- Foro Latino
Future Adoptive Mom

[for faith]

My heart goes out to you, I pray for peace for you during this difficult time. I pray that Zach is watching your new little blessing and will guide him or her safely into your arms. Each day is so hard, but anniversaries so much harder, we are here for you.

I hope you are able to have a peaceful week. Sending you lots of HUGS.

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(preemie complications))

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 9/02

[aimeejane]

Julie, our love and thoughts are with this week as well. I wish you peace... (((HUGS)))

Aimee
Georgia State Coordinator

Ds Nicky - 3/24/00 (28 wks - eclampsia)
Ds Kalen - 7/10/03 (36 weeks - preeclampsia)

[matts_mom]

i started crying when i read this thread. i usually stay away from the grief board because i get become so emotional. in 1989 i lost my baby at 5 months, not from medical problems but because i was with an abuser. when i had matthew, even with all the problems, it was a most cathartic experience for me, very cleansing for my emotional side and spiritual side. i never even considered children because i was afraid of losing the feelings i had all those years ago. i hung on to the pain and anger for so long that it became a cornerstone of my personality. before matthew, the last baby i held was my nephew. he is 13 now.

julie, you will never have what you felt with zach but what you can have will make such a difference. i think any mom who has lost a child and then had another can tell you that. you will be amazed by the amount of healing that will happen. i was. i hope zach's birthday will bring more comfort than pain for you and your husband.

andrea(35)
dh reg(52)
matthew-born Feb 6, 2004, at 34 weeks due to hellp syndrome (4lbs 10 ounces)