a rough week

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

a rough week

Postby calliesmom » Sat Apr 17, 2004 04:24 pm

Just having a difficult week here. It's been 5 months since I lost Callie, but this week it felt like it was just yesterday. We got together with some friends from out of town a few days ago. The last time they saw me (this past summer) I was newly pregnant and excited. Our friend was also pregnant and due in September. We had such fun talking about how our kids would play together when we got together again. So, we meet up, and in she walks with her precious little boy, and in I walk with empty arms. It wanted to be excited for her, but just looking at that baby made me so terribly sad. I held him for only a moment because I just couldn't deal with the pain. Then today, we visited my cousin who has a new baby as well. Things weren't any easier.

Just when I feel like I can somehow deal with this, a week like this this happens and I feel devestated. What a mess! Please tell me that the rest of you continue to have this "two steps forward, one step back" syndrome too. I feel like I'm going batty.

Thanks for listening to me babble,

Callie's Mom

Mommy to Chase (born 31 weeks, emergency c-section due to abruption and PE), and to Callie (my angel, delivered at 24 weeks, stillborn due to severe PE and HELLP)
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Re : a rough week

Postby ileana » Sat Apr 17, 2004 04:48 pm

Oh, sweetie, I have bad news! It's 14 months since I lost my baby and it still comes back and it's always painful... It's always in the back of my mind.

I'm happy for people that have kids, but it's so hard to think about them. My cousin has two kids, my best friend has two kids, my ex-husband has a kid. Where's my kid? Well, I know where he is, but we could have done so many things together and we missed them all...

Ileana
IT Coordinator
Preeclampsia Foundation

Mother of Angel - stillborn on Feb 17, 2003 (24wGA, 410g)
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Re : a rough week

Postby kimb » Sun Apr 18, 2004 09:20 pm

My heart goes out to you and I know the feelings well! My youngest nephew was born 3 weeks before I lost Will and until I finally met him a few months ago it was so hard to think of my nephew or acknowledge him - I look at his bright happy eyes and think "that is what I should have to come home to each night". The greif definitely goes in waves for me - I do good for a while and then I fall apart again. Take care.

Kim 35
William Michael - my angel - pe/HELLP 7/7/03
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Re : a rough week

Postby for faith » Fri Apr 23, 2004 09:46 am

I so understand also. It is coming up on 3 months for me and some days I don't feel any better than right after it happened. I have a nephew that was born in February, due the same day as my daughter and seeing him just breaks my heart. I have yet to hold him, I don't want to breakdown in front of all my in-laws.

Some days I think I am getting better and others are back to square one. I wish you peace, as you continue this difficult journey.

{{{HUGS}}}

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36 wks, PIH)
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30 weeks due to severe preeclampsia, passed due to NEC & Sepsis(premie complications))
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Re : a rough week

Postby calliesmom » Mon Apr 26, 2004 05:24 pm

Thanks to all of you. You know, when I have times like this, it just keeps going on. I'm a teacher, and my students gave a presentation today. One of the groups had a character named Callie, and it was purely coincidental (they don't know her name), but it almost did me in. I swear, most times, I'm a rational, functioning human being, but more and more I'm feeling out of control.

Thanks again for listening, and good luck to all of you,

Callie's Mom
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Re : a rough week

Postby sweetiesuzy » Tue Apr 27, 2004 07:54 am

I am so sorry for your loss. Our daughter Chloe died October 26, 2001. It has been years since then and I still think of her everyday and I still have hard times. She is a part of me and will always be. Your grief will change, grow, change again. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Let yourself do whatever you need to do to let out the emotions you have inside. This is the hardest thing you will have to endure in life. Our children are not supposed to die before us. Please know you are never alone. SO many women care and are here for you.

Hugs, hugs, hugs,
Suzanna

DS 3/25/95
DD 10/26/01 stillbirth
DS 12/30/02
AND ~ It's a GIRL! Laura Elise edd 8/6/04
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Re : a rough week

Postby julie f » Tue Apr 27, 2004 02:54 pm

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. There are so many everyday things that can happen and bring everything back in an instant.

Keeping you close at heart,

Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Praying for a miracle... TTC #2 is a go!

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