I actually have no answers for your questions, as I have only been pregnant once (lost daughter Ila at 25w2d to pe and HELLP). But I did want to say I am so very sorry for both of your losses. That is a lot to deal with in a short amount of time. I am so happy that you have found this forum -- the women here are phenomenal, and I'm sure you will find that your questions or comments will be most welcome. There is always someone who will have answers for you, and lots of people to offer support.
As for the guilt you feel, you most certainly are not alone. I noticed reduced movement on a Friday, but since I myself was feeling relatively well, waited until Monday to go in and be checked, so as not to "bother" my midwives. I wondered if I hadn't eaten quite enough of the right foods, or been active enough despite my nearly constant nausea. I, for one, felt this for a long while, and I suspect most of us here suffer this to some degree. I have come to realize through researching the subject and talking to a team of great doctors that there was really nothing I could have done differently, especially since I had absolutely no idea I was at risk for something like this to happen. Like you, I have resigned myself to believing that things happen in life for a reason. Despite the pain of losing her, Ila has taught me great things in a few short months.
I hope you will find answers to your question. I'm sure someone will be along here soon who can! Please continue to post in this and other forums on the site.
Looking forward to "talking" with you more in the future.
mother to angel Ila Elizabeth (February 6, 2004)