by julie f (7993 Posts), Wed Mar 24, 2004 10:02 pm
I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my first, and only, due to preeclampsia in July of 2003, he was delivered at 26 weeks and lived for five days.
I can understand what you mean about feeling guilty but you must know that there was nothing you could have done differently to prevent this. It is a painful thing to know that your baby was delivered so that you might live, that is unfortunately the reality for many of us here. Had they not delivered, your husband could have very likely lost his wife and his son. I am so sorry that you ever even had to be put in that position. A huge part of my guilt comes from the fact that we had to make the decision to take our son off life support. I know that we made the right decision but I will carry that burden forever. I will tell you though that as time has passed I have much more peace and less guilt. I loved my son more than anything God has ever given me and I have to believe that Zach knows that, just like your Jeremy does.
There are a couple things that really helped us in our journey to TTC again. Fist was meeting with different high-risk OBs to discuss what happened, what might happen again and how we will manage the next pregnancy. I was also tested for numerous predispositions to preeclampsia. Second was to learn as much as I could about this disease so that I really felt comfortable being a participant in my care next time. If I develop preeclampsia again, I will know what the doctors are talking about next time when they refer to my 24 houor urine catch, my liver enzymes, my reflexes, etc. I really knew little about preeclampsia until the day I was diagnosed. Third and most importantly, I found this Foundation - a great place for information and support. A place where I could help make a difference and be a part of working towards awareness, prevention and cure. It has helped me greatly in that I feel like I can honor my son's life, it has also provided me with a support system that I feel so lucky to be a part of.
There are many success stories on this board that give me hope everyday.
You and your husband are in my prayers.
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe
Southern California Coordinator