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Try this again...

Are you worried about your partners pregnancy? Has your partner already had preeclampsia? Do you have advice for other dads who could be going through similar experiences as yourself? Post here!

Re : Try this again...

Postby rachel a » Wed Aug 17, 2005 02:00 pm

by rachel a (2648 Posts), Wed Aug 17, 2005 02:00 pm

Wow! Wonderful advice! I too wish there was some magical "calm" button, but other than what Anathor mentioned...there's not much else. Just love and support from you!

I'm glad that things are going well - so far. I too will be praying that you guys get safely to 32 weeks and then beyond.

Thanks for the update and keep us posted on how the three of you are doing!
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Re : Try this again...

Postby gordon k » Wed Aug 17, 2005 03:58 pm

by gordon k (113 Posts), Wed Aug 17, 2005 03:58 pm

Thanks for the update and here's looking for continued success with this pregnancy.

For my wife and I the biggest thing that we did to keep ourselves calm was understand when we should "freak out". The basic answer from our doctor was to not worry unless they worried. That was a good answer. Additionally, our doctor and our nurse gave us very specific instructions to follow when we were at home. A lot of, "if you get a headache or see spots, call immediately" and " if the blood pressure goes above XX then call". If nothing else this gave us a sense of control and partnership in the process. We knew when to worry and when to stay calm.

I would ask your physician for very specific advice on when to be concerned with the home-readings and when are they acceptable. It will help with peace of mind.

Good luck!
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Re : Try this again...

Postby julie f » Wed Aug 17, 2005 11:16 pm

by julie f (7993 Posts), Wed Aug 17, 2005 11:16 pm

So glad to hear this update and soooo happy to hear that all is still going well.

A suggestion that certainly helped me during our last pregnancy - hanging out here! I took such comfort and support from the women here, maybe your wife will feel up to posting a bit?

I pray that all continues to go well, please keep us posted.
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Re : Try this again...

Postby akemt » Thu Aug 18, 2005 11:52 am

by akemt (4961 Posts), Thu Aug 18, 2005 11:52 am

I just want to say congratulations on 23 weeks!

Here is a fairly recent link that might help:
What do you do to keep calm?

Best wishes!
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Re : Try this again...

Postby eddie_k » Mon Aug 22, 2005 10:42 am

by eddie_k (26 Posts), Mon Aug 22, 2005 10:42 am

Thanks for the support. I wish I could get my wife to stop reading stuff online but she is in the medical profession and is a data addict. She feels the more she understands that better off she is. I don't know if that is true but I can't stop her from doing it. The funny thing is she feels pretty good. It seems like it is just the normal stuff as far as pregnancy goes. Unfortunately, it seems like most of the mild symptoms of PE can be just regular pregnancy stuff. We tell the doctors everything the happens when we go and let them decide if it is something to worry about (even though we still do). We have taken a leap of faith and just about finished the nursery. We put in about 15-20 weekends to finish it and all we need is to buy furniture. It is tough to deal with. I don't necessarily want to get it as I had to return it after Colleen was born. I think it calms her to see the room waiting for her and Molly to come home.

This is tough, I have talked to people who have dealt with this multiple times and I am just awed by them. I pray for everyone that has lost a child. It is amazing how much you can miss someone you only meet for a short time.
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Re : Try this again...

Postby melissam » Mon Aug 22, 2005 10:59 am

by melissam (3074 Posts), Mon Aug 22, 2005 10:59 am


I think you hit the nail on the head with your last sentence. I didn't know it was possible to miss somebody so much. Our little girl was with us just 2 short days, 30 hours of which I was on my back with Mag and wasn't able to even see her. I can certainly understand your fears. My loss was my second child. We hadn't really even gotten anything out or bought anything for her. I figured we had most of what we needed and by the time we were ready for her we could finish up. I am not expecting yet, but I can't imagine that I will run out and buy anything until I am really close to having the baby.

I am somewhat like your wife. I want to know everything. But I am afraid that I know so much about pre-eclampsia that I might even become my worst enemy in the next pregnancy. It is so hard after what most of us have been through.

I am glad to hear that things are going well at this point. I hope they continue to go smoothly for you. Good luck to you and your wife. My prayers are with you.
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Re : Try this again...

Postby lorelei » Mon Aug 22, 2005 11:23 am

by lorelei (3788 Posts), Mon Aug 22, 2005 11:23 am

(((HUGS))) to anyone that's had to suffer the loss of a child...It's so not fair.....

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Re : Try this again...

Postby cassie05 » Mon Aug 22, 2005 01:22 pm

by cassie05 (2243 Posts), Mon Aug 22, 2005 01:22 pm

I pray that things go good for you and your wife. It is so hard to lose a baby, I know I will be a nervous wreck if I get pregnant again. My daughters room is still decorated for her though she will never come home to us. I just cant bring myself to take it down, we were all prepared because our son was born 3 months early too(tons of clothes and everything), but now i just have a room dedicated to her memory. i really hope that things go well for you
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Re : Try this again...

Postby gordon k » Mon Aug 22, 2005 02:56 pm

by gordon k (113 Posts), Mon Aug 22, 2005 02:56 pm

My wife was a bit of a "data addict" during her pregnancy as well. Sometimes this is not a good thing if it leads to undue stress. Fortunately we had a great doctor that answered all of our questions completely and gave us the basic rule, "don't freak out unless we freak out". However, there were other times that my wife's addiction to information was a very good thing. Either it let us know when to contact the doctor's office or put us at ease (normal pregnancy stuff).

I would highly encourage you and your wife, with your new found knowledge, to talk to your doctor and get specific information about your pregnancy and when your doctor's office wants to hear from you. I can't emphasize enough, get specific information. Exact blood pressure readings, headaches, kick counts, etc. During the course of the pregnancy this information will help with some of the mental stress that you're going through and hopefully alleviate some of your concerns.

Also, if you're not comfortable with the answers that you get from your doctor you may want to consider a move to a perinatologist (unless you're already seeing one). You seriously need to be comfortable with your doctor and have full faith in their ability to manage this pregnancy.

Continue to take it one day at a time and know that there are people out there praying for you guys too.

P.S. If you really want your wife off-line, I can give you ideas of some places to hide the computer!
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Re : Try this again...

Postby eddie_k » Tue Aug 23, 2005 08:27 am

by eddie_k (26 Posts), Tue Aug 23, 2005 08:27 am

I must say our doctors have been great at answering our questions. The group we go to is unbelievable. They are very patient with my wife and answer all her questions and explain everything to her. When she has a concern they tell her why it is okay and at what point to be concerned.

IT is funny to see the difference in some doctors. Her OB that managed our last pregnancy was really lackadaisical as far as everything goes but the new practice we have been going to in attentive and informative, it has been nice and a welcome change. We are by far one of their easier cases. But they still treat us like we are not crazy and that there is a reason to be concerned. As we enter 23-25 weeks my wife has become slightly more concerned. This is the time that things can start to go down hill and that has her on edge. I only hope I can keep her calm enough. Thanks again for all your support and listening to me rant.
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