by tracey (919 Posts), Fri Jul 16, 2004 06:18 am
Welcome to the forum. I am so sorry for the loss of your little Emma.
I know all too well what you are going through right now.
It has been roughly 5 1/2 months since we lost our little Ila.
Our peri had told us we could try again after three cycles, (since Ila was delivered vaginally -- no c-section because my platelets were so dangerously low), but we waited an extra couple of months to feel a little more "ready" and confident. Plus, I had a little issue with my thyroid going out of wack after the pregnancy and had to wait until it was somewhat stabilized.
Most importantly, though, we both really wanted to get past her due date in mid-May -- that felt like a big day in terms of both celebrating her and mourning her loss.
With Ila we got pregnant the first month we tried. I had used an Ovulation Predictor Kit, only because my cycles were a bit shorter than "normal" and I wasn't sure when I would be ovulating.
We just started trying again two weeks ago, and though I don't yet know for sure, I'm guessing we weren't successful. Since I delivered, my periods have been quite irregular, ranging from 23-28 days, so I really had no idea when I would be ovulating. Again, I used an OPK. If I'm right, and we weren't successful this month, I will be charting for the next cycle on top of using the OPKs.
I would love, as you said, to let "nature take its course" -- I just don't think it's in my personality, at least not at this point in time. [:I] I wish it were. My husband believes that's the way to go too. But right now, because my cycles seem so unusual right now, I am charting and OPKing just as much to find out if I am, in fact, ovulating at all, (or at least trying to).
In the end, you just have to go with what you feel is right.
I am completely with you on the emotional side: it is terribly frightening but also incredibly exciting to make that choice to TTC. I know that for me the "romance" of the first pregnancy is gone, but I am certain I will still be able to enjoy a second pregnancy and celebrate it like it deserves to be celebrated, despite all the appointments and anxiety.
One question: have you had a consultation with a high-risk OB (perinatalogist)? If not, I would definitely recommend you look into it before you start trying, as there are some underlying disorders they can test for, which can increase your chances of getting pe. In any case, the results to those tests, whether positive or negative, can help guide them in creating a plan of action for your treatment next time. Also, being with a doctor who "specializes" in high risk pregnancies may boost your confidence level -- I found that knowing I would be in very good hands made it much easier for me to take a leap of faith.
I hopes this small novel helps you somewhat. I look forward to getting to know you better in the future. Good luck and please keep us updated.
mother to angel Ila Elizabeth (February 6, 2004), 25w2d
currently TTC number 2