Need advise to help my husband

[stephanie]

This wkend my husband and I spent the night in the ER. He awoke me at 2 am w/ shortness of breath and chest discomfort. We went to the ER to make sure things were OK and luckily, the dr said it was stress related. My husband and I have a fantastic relationship. I knew he was nervous about this pregnancy, but never realized how much he was worried. This time last yr, our daughter died (she was born at 26 wks d/t severe PE). This preg is also complicated by the fact that I'm having preterm labor. As if those things weren't enough, they also saw a cyst on the baby's brain - a risk of chromosonal problems. We refused the amnio because we decided we wouldn't terminate, no matter the test results.

I am not sure how to comfort/reassure/be there for my husband. I am 20 wks, so we aren't even to the scariest part yet. He made an appt w/ his family dr (his BP has been up, probably also stress related). He refuses to see a counselor or even talk to his friends or family.

I'd appreciate any suggestions! Thanks!

Steph

Stephanie

Mom to Elissa - 12/16/03 - 1/6/04 Born @ 26 wk d/t severe preeclampsia (I also have clotting disorder)

[princess purr]

Your hubby sounds like mine. We just lost our baby (severe pe she was also born at 26 weeks). I don't have much advice though, he doesn't want to talk to anyone or go to counsling. I just try to be there for him. Good luck with your pregnancy!

Val (25) & Rich (26)
Married: June 20th 2001
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)

[mel h.]

Maybe your husband's family doctor could be a good person for him to talk to, or maybe he could convince him to talk to a counselor. My husband also refused to talk with a counselor, at first, but then he started drinking a lot after we lost our daughter and he finally started going to counseling. I think it's helped. Men tend to internalize everything, and that just makes it worse. Your husband probably doesn't want to talk to you about what's bothering him because he doesn't want to upset you.
Maybe you could speak with the family doctor's nurse before his appointment to let them know of the stress the grief and the new pregnancy is putting on him. The doctor might also be able to prescribe an antidepressant, which has really helped me.
Good luck. I hope he starts feeling better soon.

Melissa
Mom of Ashley Ann, born at 25 weeks on April 17 due to severe preeclampsia.

[julie f]

Oh Stephanie, my heart goes out to you and your husband. It's so hard to watch them struggle... My Dh has had a very difficult time with this pregnancy. He's been sick on and off (colds and flu), he's always on edge, every doctor's appt practically leaves him in tears - even when it's good news... He does not want to see a doctor either, convinced that everything will be ok once the baby is here and healthy. I wish I had some advice for you, just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.



Julie (27)
Zachary James, 7/22/03-7/27/03, born at 26wks - severe pe

Miracle in progress... #2 is due February 2005!!!

Southern California Coordinator

[lucy]

My husband is also very stressed this pregnancy (our son was stillborn at 26 wks because of pre-eclampsia also) and I think men feel that it would be too selfish if they worried about their problems and if they put enough energy into the pregnancy everything will be ok, maybe just calling him over to feel kicks, getting a doppler for home use and letting him listen and reassuring him that you are both doing all you can will help ease his mind at least a little, good luck and pre-e free pregnancie wishes to us all.

Proud mommy to Sebastian Orpheus stillborn at 26 wks due to pre-eclampsia we will always love and never forget you beautiful baby boy!