It's been two years since I lost my daughter, Kylie. I feel guilt every single day, for so many reasons. I just got Kylie's medical records from the NICU in January. I found out tons of information I was never told by the doctors. She had sepsis, they suspected a perforated bowel, and so on. They even had in the records as early as 4 days prior to her death that they didn't expect her to make it and the "family" was aware. We had no idea! They said she was too small to for surgery, but babies smaller than her have had surgery to correct problems. I apologize to Kylie every day, but logically I know I'm the one that has to forgive myself, I just don't think it's possible. I was very demanding in my second pregnancy, I even switched MFM's at 10 weeks.