Here I am...nowhere else to go....

Are you part of the NICU club? Do you have a child who is still struggling with the effects of being born too soon from preeclampsia? Share your concerns and stories here among parents who have been there.
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Re : Here I am...nowhere else to go....

Postby trish » Sun Jun 14, 2009 10:12 pm

Oh honey - you are having to deal with so much!! I wish I knew more about SSI or other ways to get some help for you. Can your mom get fully trained? If she is willing that sounds like it would be a big help for you.

Please don't feel guilty that you have to have people help you! My kids are healthy & I still get overwhelmed & thank God for MDO program at the Y that my older 2 can go to a few hours a week.

(((HUGS))) I wish I could do more mama - you deserve it!!

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Re : Here I am...nowhere else to go....

Postby rebeccac » Sun Jun 14, 2009 09:19 pm

I am in agreement with what Fiona said....

Could you call your case manager from the NICU and see if there is any kind of respite care available in your area? At least that way you could get away for a while leaving Ethan with people who are medically trained.

((Big hugs to you and Ethan))

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Re : Here I am...nowhere else to go....

Postby fiona » Sun Jun 14, 2009 08:10 pm

Oh my dear Nikkole,

I can't even begin to imagine how tough things are for you right now. You've done such an incredible job looking after Ethan and to have to deal with a difficult relationship at the same time, is more than most could bear.

It sounds to me - and I'm absolutely no expert - that perhaps its time to find yourself a counselor. Someone you can offload all your deepest, most troubling feelings, without having to worry about hurting anyone.

It also is not good that you are having to shoulder so much of the care of Ethan. Would it help if your mom was actually fully trained up? That may be a way you wouldn't have to always be in such close proximity, while at the same time offering you the chance to take a much-needed break.

As for Chad, I am so sorry he's proven incapable of supporting you and Ethan. I can't see why you should feel any guilt about a grown adult's immature behavior.

Please try and take a step back and find a way to get more help. I don't know anything about US healthcare insurance, but it seems incredible to me that you are having to cope in this way. I hope others will have concrete ideas about how to maximize your entitlements - or of non-profits who may have programs to help.

Mostly though, I wish I could give you a big hug.

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Here I am...nowhere else to go....

Postby mom2ella » Sun Jun 14, 2009 06:27 pm

I am feeling completely overwhelmed. I have a child at home with a trach and on a vent. Thank God, he is doing very well and is the best baby ever. His "care" doesn't overwhelm me at all but I'm SSOOO tired of everything else. I appreciate all the help, but I am SO tired of having people in my house 24 hours a day. I am going through a really bad divorce, that just became the worst it could if you can imagine, and I have NO privacy. My mom is my biggest source of help but she's starting to overstep her boundaries with Ethan and she's not the kind of person that takes it lightly when you try to talk to her about something like that. She's also not fully trained so even though it is helpful for her to be here, she cannot be left alone. I feel guilty that I cannot get all of Ethan's physical therapy exercises in every day and he's still not even sitting up. I'm tired of waiting, waiting, waiting for things to happen. I need to see a little more progress. I know I shouldn't complain because he's doing great, but I feel like there should be something else that I can do. I feel myself losing my patience with him quicker. Not like in a bad way...just not taking as much time to get him to eat or to help him sit up and that stuff. I feel like I have post partum depression, only 13 months later. I cannot go back to work because I don't have enough reliable nursing, my ex was paying half the bills but is now only paying a small amount of child support, we lost Ethan's SSI (long story) and I'm afraid I'm going to lose everything. Some days I just feel like checking myself into a hospital just so someone else can take care of me and I can have some time to myself for a couple days. Chad is the only other person besides the nurses that is completely trained to be alone with him but he's too busy having a good time in his own life. He thinks parenting is visiting for a few hours a week, taking pictures to brag and maybe giving Ethan a bottle every now and then. I just asked him to stay one night and take care of the baby so I could get away for a night and he won't do it unless I tell him where I'm going. This coming from a man that started having an affair when I was 6 weeks pregnant with Ethan. I went out Saturday and he called me 31 times. I cannot even have a decent night out. I feel like all this is affecting my parenting so I have to feel guilty for that on top of the fact that his dad left us and other people HAVE to help me take care of him. UGHHH...I'm so overwhelmed. Thanks for listening to me vent.

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