Questions and Frustrations

[christyleake]

Jerry, just read your update. We are in the same boat but we are in pregnancy #2. I had severe preeclampsia in #1 and delivered at 33 weeks. My little girl is now 13 months old and very bossy. My original due date is also July 19th but we will probably deliver on July 4th if all stays stable. We are being monitored and told the same things. If bed rest helps, we keep resting until things change. Our standing ultrasound and appointment is on Fridays. Feel free to email us if you have any other questions or just need a friend in the same boat. My husband would have alot to share with you about that first ride through this stuff and how the second one has been too.

[kelly w]

Thank you for the update. It sounds like they are watching her closely, which is great!

Kelly

[caryn]

Jerry, that's good to hear. I hope everything stays steady for a few weeks more and your baby girl gets a bit more time to grow.

Please do keep us posted!

[padaddy2b]

Hello everybody. I have had one * of a week, but I have some good news to report... My wife had to do another 24 hour urine and bloodwork last Monday. She had been on strict bedrest, and I made sure she adhered to that (which earned my the title of "bedrest nazi"). We got a phone call on Wednesday that her results were in and the doctor would like to see us the following day at 8am - we NEVER go in at 8am... I knew something was wrong, and Wednesday would be sleepless night #1 for me last week. We went into the office and were told that my wife's protein had gone up from 280 to 3900, and that we were going to have a baby Thursday or Friday (she had JUST turned 35 weeks at this point). We were sent right ot the hospital, though I detoured by the house to get the bag we packed and the list of phone numbers. At this point, I should add that when she got pregnant, I decided that it was time to increase my income and get back into consulting... initially it was good, but the company I was working for lost their contract, and me my job - I had been doing good managing the stress of my wife's problems with the stress of not having a job with the baby on the way. The reason that this is important is to let you know my state of mind at this point in the story - I was a wreck - scared for my wife and baby, terrified about what was happening, and upset that I have not yet found a job and my baby is coming - I thought I had more time! So, we get to the hospital, she was admitted, and they immediately gave her something to thin her cervix. I spent Thursday and Thursday night running back and forth between the house and the hospital taking care of my wife and my dogs. Thursday was sleepless night number two for the week (though I did get everything that we had for the baby assembled at night). Friday morning rolled around and she was started on penicillin (because she had not had a beta strep test done in time to know the results), magnesium sulfate to prevent seizures, and pitocin to induce labor at about 6 am. These medications were administered throughout the day, and by 3:30pm she still had not dilated at all, her cervix had not thinned enough, and they decided that a c-section was in order. It was scheduled for 4 pm though we didn't get into the room until about 4:45. I did very well staying strong for my wife, and was able to refrain from breaking dowm until they took her into the operating room to administer the spinal anesthetic (then they came and got me). I got to go into the operating room and sit with her while they operated, and along with the ob'gyn's there were two pediatricians from ***** in the room. My daughter, Josephine Marie was born at 5:22 pm on June 15 2007. She was 4 pounds 11 ounces, 16.25 inches long, and most inportantly she is healthy. I got to hold her for a minute in the operating room before she was whisked off to the NICU. Her lung function was monitored, and her blood oxygen levels were perfect, her lungs are developed, and all her organs appear to be working properly. My wife was kept on Magnesium Sulfate for an extra day after she delivered and was not allowed out of bed, so we took some pictures of her and taped them up on the bed for my wife on Friday night. I was able to go into the NICU and see her along with both of our parents, though we could not hold her. Friday night, I got to sleep, (the first night of really god sleep in a long time)and for the first time in a long time, I woke up Saturday morning and I was really really happy. Saturday, my wife was taken off the Magnesium, and we were able to get her into a wheelchair and into the NICU to see our baby. Saturday, they told us that the baby was not eating enough via bottle so they inserted a tube into her nose to feed her - to date that is the sole remaining concern. She is lazy with her sucking, she will eat some from a bottle, but not enough. We were told that this is pretty common with premature babies. Today, I got what I believe will be the best fathers day present of my entire life, I got to really hold my little girl for the first time, as did my wife. As an added bonus, my parents and my wifes parents were at my house all day cooking dinner and setting up the clothes and cribbing in the baby's room. My wife is going to be held an extra day, so she is due to be released on Tuesday, but the baby will probably get a couple extra days there. The hospital will allow my wife to remain in the room she is in, though we will have to provide our own food and medicine as she will no longer have the benefit of the nurses. She is in a lot of pain from the surgery, and she wants to be with the baby, so I think she is going to remain until the baby is released. It's been a bumpy ride, but in the end, everything has worked out for the best. My wife's swelling is going down, her blood pressure is back to normal, her protein is low and her kidneys are working, and my baby is healthy. Thank you all for your support and the information that you provided. Knowing what I was dealing with has made what I went through much more bearable and being educated made it easy to ask the right questions and understand the answers. I tried to figure out how to upload a picture of the baby, but I haven't been able to figure it out. If anyone knows, I'll post a couple of them for everyone to see. Thanks !

[christyleake]

Happy Father's Day Jerry! Congratulations! Our stories keep sounding more and more the same. I'm so glad the roughest part is over for you. Thanks for letting share the journey with you.

[blythe]

Wow, what a ride! I'm so glad you have a healthy mom and baby, and a wonderful Father's Day gift of holding your baby girl!!! Thanks for letting us know, I always worry!

Congratulations!!!

[sarab]

Jerry, your wonderful story has me in tears. The first time my husband and I got to hold our little girl was in the NICU on Father's Day 4 years ago. What an amazing gift for you on your first Father's Day!

I'm SO pleased to hear that everything went well and little Josephine Marie arrived safely! I pray that she learns to eat quickly and is home in your arms before you know it. I hope your wife also continues well with her recovery, and wish you all the best in the job search.

Keep us posted.

[padaddy2b]

Well, things continue to get better, and the baby is eating more and more from her bottle (though not gaining any weight yet). Today we had what we feel to be a little setback, though. We've been being told that she is doing well and everyone is happy with her progress, until today... We were informed that we need to go to the hospital on Monday for training to learn how to use the pules-ox monitor that our daughter is hooked up to and to learn how to insert her feeding tube and use it. Apparently, when they finally do let her come home (we still have NO idea when that will be), she will have a feeding tube and be on this monitor for some period of time (which we still do not know how long that will be). It destroys me every time that I go into the NICU to see her (which is several times per day), but I need to be strong for my wife who is having a TERRIBLE time with our daughter still eing in the hospital and not home with us... all she does is cry these days because she wants her baby home with us. I'm at my wits end - I feel so stupid because I don't know what to say to her - I too want to cry every time I see my daughter, and I am as confused as she is... Have any of you been throough this post-delivery ? If so, I'd really like to know how you coped...

[julie f]

Jerry,

Many congratulations on the birth of Josephine Marie!!

I wish I could give you the right words to help you comfort your wife but the truth is, sometimes there are just no words. As cliche as it is, I found that my husband just being there helped. You may feel stupid that you don't know what to say but my guess is - is that she doesn't need you to say much, she just needs you to validate what she is feeling - overwhelming joy at the birth of your baby, but sadly coupled with sadness, anger, fear, frustration, confusion, etc. The loss of control over your own body and the things you "should" be able to do (have a 40 week healthy pregnancy that results in a healthy baby that comes right home with you) is very hard to reckon and the guilt that can come along with it (although we all know that there is nothing we could have done differently) is hard to resolve.

My best advice would be to be patient, and be honest. Telling her just what you've told us "I feel so stupid because I don't know what to say to her - I too want to cry every time I see my daughter, and I am as confused as she is..." might be a good place to start.

I wish your daughter a very very short NICU stay and I pray that you are soon updating us with her happy and healthy homecoming.

As far as uploading a picture goes - you can upload them to something like photobucket and paste the link here. Or, you can upload as an avatar: http://www.preeclampsia.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=17592

[anathor21]

I agree with Julie - so much can't be expressed and can't be said. Being there does seem to be the most important part - and be able to listen to her, let her talk and cry and be willing to do the same with her.

Remember that the two of you have each other and should both pull together - i.e. be strong for her but don't be afraid to let her know that you too are feeling the strain and hurting too. Being strong doesn't mean you don't feel the losses or the pain of seeing your daughter in the NICU when you expected her to be home.

I also found it helpful to talk to my daughter when I visited her in the NICU - may seem silly given that she can't understand what is being said, but at least she heard my voice and I could practice saying things that were on my mind. She never has told anyone anything about those talks either [:)]

Hang in there - get out and do something special with your wife (doesn't have to be fancy - we started having regular 'dates' at a crepe restaurant across the street from the hospital that was open all hours and had no dress code).