Tears at last. From mom that is. These last days have been so eventful and moved so fast that I had not even given myself a chance for a good cry.
We were told on Tuesday that she was doing so well that she might come home on Wednesday. That also happened to be the day my mother was returning home after being here for a week and a half. Wednesday morning as we were getting ready to leave for the hospital and the airport, the doctor called to inform us that Bethany was really not meeting the criteria for going home.
I did not think I could cry so much over so many different things. I wanted my baby, I wanted my mom to not leave, I was feeling a bit of mommy guilt that I had not tried to hang in a little longer (despite the fact that it was my doctors decision not mine). I didnt think I had that many tears. In my head I knew that all of the things that had and were continuing to happen were the best that could possibly happen, but my heart, and my hormones were not in agreement!!!
Bethany is doing much better now. She is eating about 45 to 50 ml at each feeding. She is awake and alert at the beginning of most feeds. She is rooting more and crying when she is hungry. They are considering aiming for discharge on Sunday, but I am slightly skeptical. Somewhat because we have been there before and I am afraid to get my hopes up, but also because it seemed that as were went through the day today, she fatigued more and more during feeding and had to be prompted a lot more to get to the 45 ml minimum that the doctor had set. She would eat that amount within the allotted 30 mins, however it was a lot more work as the day progressed.
I know that I do not want her to come home before she is ready. I have no desire to have to be re-admitted. I just wish she was ready now!! The whole dividing life between family and hospital is tough. I give those of you who had to do it for months a lot of credit.