update on Bethany

[mommakk]

Tears at last. From mom that is. These last days have been so eventful and moved so fast that I had not even given myself a chance for a good cry.

We were told on Tuesday that she was doing so well that she might come home on Wednesday. That also happened to be the day my mother was returning home after being here for a week and a half. Wednesday morning as we were getting ready to leave for the hospital and the airport, the doctor called to inform us that Bethany was really not meeting the criteria for going home.

I did not think I could cry so much over so many different things. I wanted my baby, I wanted my mom to not leave, I was feeling a bit of mommy guilt that I had not tried to hang in a little longer (despite the fact that it was my doctors decision not mine). I didnt think I had that many tears. In my head I knew that all of the things that had and were continuing to happen were the best that could possibly happen, but my heart, and my hormones were not in agreement!!!

Bethany is doing much better now. She is eating about 45 to 50 ml at each feeding. She is awake and alert at the beginning of most feeds. She is rooting more and crying when she is hungry. They are considering aiming for discharge on Sunday, but I am slightly skeptical. Somewhat because we have been there before and I am afraid to get my hopes up, but also because it seemed that as were went through the day today, she fatigued more and more during feeding and had to be prompted a lot more to get to the 45 ml minimum that the doctor had set. She would eat that amount within the allotted 30 mins, however it was a lot more work as the day progressed.

I know that I do not want her to come home before she is ready. I have no desire to have to be re-admitted. I just wish she was ready now!! The whole dividing life between family and hospital is tough. I give those of you who had to do it for months a lot of credit.

[heather j]

I'm sorry you had your hopes up and then had to deal with that blow! She sounds like she's soooo close, though, and I'm sure it's just any day now. I know you know it, but there was nothing you could've done to have given her more grow time - that was totally out of your power, and if given the choice, of course you would've kept her in. Even though you know it, it sometimes helps to hear it a few times.

I hope Sunday is a homecoming celebration for Miss Bethany!

[theartsymom]

hugs! we have been there too. it was a hard day.in some ways it made her discharge day even better. (it was our EDD).
GOOD LUCK!

[joker]

Hugs!

[genevieved]

Oh I remember the day I was so excited to take my baby girl home and then I got a call from the NICU Dr. that she had some episodes of not breathing in her sleep so I could not take her home. I was crying so hard. I think it was just all the emotions coming to a head of the emotional journey in the NICU and overall just wanted to have my baby home. They ended up letting her come home a week later and that was ten years ago this month and she has never gone back. The time flys by cherish every minute of her! Good Luck, she will be home soon!

[dohertyab]

The last few days are some of the hardest! I think I cried the most during the last week. Rowan was ready to go Tara almost, each day almost. Other children were going home and mine were still almost.

I will say that one set of twins went home mainly because the mother pushed for them to go and she lived 10min from the hospital BUT she said she regretted not staying an extra 2 days because she had to bring both of them in every day and one was losing weight and it was MORE stressful at home than in the hospital. So as you've already said you don't want to have to be readmitted, but allow yourself to feel frustrated, guilty, tired, life's not fair, all of those things. They're all true and it's still really hard.

Remember she will come home and you will get through this and you will look back and be amazed at what both of you accomplished!

[dolphinjen]

That sounds like such an emotional upheaval! I feel for you.

I know what it feels like to want them home, but also want to be sure they're ready. I had a little breakdown too last night in the NICU feeding Lily. It's such a confusing time, emotions are riding high and they're all over the place.

It sounds like she is doing well, though, and will be home sooner than you probably think. I've finally just told myself that I'm just going to do this day by day otherwise it's too hard. With Noah, I really wasn't prepared and one day they just said, "He's going home tomorrow!" With Lily, it seems like she will be there forever.

I hope she will be in your arms with you on your own couch very soon!! And let those tears come if they want to!