Post Reply FAQ Members Login

Just upset....

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support

Just upset....

Postby frogibe » Tue Aug 17, 2010 00:18 am

by frogibe (327 Posts), Tue Aug 17, 2010 00:18 am

I really wish I could get rid of this guilt. I feel like I failed my daughter and should have been more demanding of the doctors and her care. I was mailed her medical records...and it says clearly in words that the doctors suspected NEC way before her surgery and that they didn't see anything....I can't help but wonder why on earth they told me she was just constipated? I mentioned NEC, and they shrugged me off...a day after she passed away they tell me that she in fact has NEC/sepsis.

I know what is done is done. I cannot bring her back. I just hope I can be a better advocate if we have any more children. I hope my sweet Kelsie doesn't hold things against me...I only wanted to trust the doctors, now I don't know how to trust anyone in the medical field.

I will be meeting with a new OB in a month and MFM soon to follow...I know they are going to think I am crazy...I am going to be so demanding in my care. I just hope that next time I can bring home my baby where he or she should be.

Thanks for listening ;0) It's just one of those days...
User avatar
frogibe
Registered User
 
Posts: 327
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 10:57 pm
Location: Illinois

Re : Just upset....

Postby riehlism » Tue Aug 17, 2010 00:23 am

by riehlism (655 Posts), Tue Aug 17, 2010 00:23 am

We all feel that guilt, don't we? We always feel we could have done more. I hope your new healthcare providers will be both understanding and diligent.
User avatar
riehlism
Registered User
 
Posts: 655
Joined: Thu Jul 15, 2010 03:57 pm
Location: Reseda, CA

Re : Just upset....

Postby frogibe » Tue Aug 17, 2010 00:33 am

by frogibe (327 Posts), Tue Aug 17, 2010 00:33 am

I hope so too! I am really trying to think positive! I just know it will take some time for me to have trust and faith in my doctors. I am hoping I will feel comfortable with this group ;0)
User avatar
frogibe
Registered User
 
Posts: 327
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 10:57 pm
Location: Illinois

Re : Just upset....

Postby kerisue » Tue Aug 17, 2010 02:03 am

by kerisue (623 Posts), Tue Aug 17, 2010 02:03 am

I feel incredibly guilty too. I play the IF game alot- if I had done x, would things be different? If I had not done y, would things be different? I guess this is something I'll have to work out over time. I'm sorry you're having a bad day, boy do I understand that! Once you explain your hx to your new medical team I'm sure they will totally understand you being a demanding client.
User avatar
kerisue
Forum Moderator
 
Posts: 623
Joined: Fri Jul 09, 2010 11:43 pm

Re : Just upset....

Postby rosemary » Tue Aug 17, 2010 02:17 am

by rosemary (2360 Posts), Tue Aug 17, 2010 02:17 am

Jenn...the guilt is hard...and Jasmin is right...we all have felt it. After all that you have been through...you have every right to be demanding in your care. I do hope that your visit with the new OB/MFM is a positive one. Take care!!
User avatar
rosemary
Forum Moderator
 
Posts: 2360
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2004 09:02 pm
Location: Central, PA

Re : Just upset....

Postby jean » Tue Aug 17, 2010 10:07 am

by jean (675 Posts), Tue Aug 17, 2010 10:07 am

Oh my gosh, I soooo relate. I knew something was wrong with our son. I held him and he was making these little cry/upset sounds. I said something was wrong and was blown off. The next day I could really see his veins underneath his skin, and said he didn't look ok. I was blown off again. The next day he was diagnosed, had a perforated bowel, and had surgery. He lived a few more days until his brain hemmoraged.
I feel irate about being ignored.
User avatar
jean
Registered User
 
Posts: 675
Joined: Sun Mar 28, 2010 01:03 pm

Re : Just upset....

Postby brianned5 » Tue Aug 17, 2010 10:34 am

by brianned5 (567 Posts), Tue Aug 17, 2010 10:34 am

It's been two years since I lost my daughter, Kylie. I feel guilt every single day, for so many reasons. I just got Kylie's medical records from the NICU in January. I found out tons of information I was never told by the doctors. She had sepsis, they suspected a perforated bowel, and so on. They even had in the records as early as 4 days prior to her death that they didn't expect her to make it and the "family" was aware. We had no idea! They said she was too small to for surgery, but babies smaller than her have had surgery to correct problems. I apologize to Kylie every day, but logically I know I'm the one that has to forgive myself, I just don't think it's possible. I was very demanding in my second pregnancy, I even switched MFM's at 10 weeks.
brianned5
Registered User
 
Posts: 567
Joined: Tue Aug 26, 2008 10:58 pm

Re : Just upset....

Postby frogibe » Tue Aug 17, 2010 02:09 pm

by frogibe (327 Posts), Tue Aug 17, 2010 02:09 pm

Jean, I am sooooo sorry you had to go through the awful reality of NEC. It is just terrible to watch. I still have a bit of PTSD from the whole experience. I feel irate as well, but I know that we cannot always be everything and everyone. We are the mothers not the doctors. I know as much guilt as we have all felt that we did the right thing and was there to comfort and love our children.

Brianne, I really think that these doctors need to learn how to communicate. I have found out numerous things on both my medical records and Kelsie's that I was never informed of. I'm glad you were so demanding in your care. I plan to be as well....and if the doctors do not like it, I will move on the another MFM. I will have no tolerance.
User avatar
frogibe
Registered User
 
Posts: 327
Joined: Wed Apr 14, 2010 10:57 pm
Location: Illinois

Re : Just upset....

Postby jamilyn » Tue Aug 17, 2010 02:27 pm

by jamilyn (430 Posts), Tue Aug 17, 2010 02:27 pm

Guilt is def a horrible thing and its something all of us angel mommys tend to feel. I am still feeling that way about my little Anthon who I delivered stillborn 8 months ago. It was night and I kept telling the nurse something was wrong and had her monitore his HR more then usual and I thought she had told the Dr it had dropped from 165 to 115 in less then 24 hours but after I delivered him stillborn the next day I found out they were never told. I just wish they would listen to the parents more instead of pushing everything we say to the side.
So sorry for your loss, I hope you like your new OB and are comfortable with them.
jamilyn
Registered User
 
Posts: 430
Joined: Thu Apr 21, 2005 08:30 am


Return to Grief and Loss

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Bing [Bot] and 1 guest