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Here I go again...

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Here I go again...

Postby frogibe » Tue Jul 13, 2010 00:31 am

by frogibe (327 Posts), Tue Jul 13, 2010 00:31 am

It seems like I have been feeling better and better these days about losing Kelsie, I guess if you could say "better". I know I will always miss her, that feeling will never go away. But needless to say I have been able to function day to day better than I was in the last few months.

I have even thought positive thoughts about the future of having another child. I have been so excited I guess for the future.

All of the sudden today I feel hopeless....It has been six months since we lost our daughter...and I feel like today I am back to square one with the whole grieving process. I have no idea if this is normal? I have never lost anyone close to me, until I lost Kelsie.

I just feel confused. I thought I was doing so well. I'm not sure what could have triggered this "crying spell". Has anyone else felt this way...months after losing your child?

I'm just so scared that I won't be ready to move on with another pregnancy and child. I don't want to drag any of these feelings into another life.
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Re : Here I go again...

Postby annes » Tue Jul 13, 2010 01:30 pm

by annes (2527 Posts), Tue Jul 13, 2010 01:30 pm

Jennifer, I found that the grief was a lot like that for me. I thought I was doing really well, then around six months after my son died, I felt like a fog lifted and the grief was back, worse than before. It came and went like that with a lot of intensity for the first year. Then, for me things calmed down. Four years on, I can tell you that those days of intense, painful grief are few and far between, but they do come out of nowhere. I was not emotionally ready to even think about getting pregnant again for the first year, then we waited almost another year after that. That was simply my experience, many of the moms here got pregnant again within a shorter period of time, and that helped them work through their grief. Please don't be upset with yourself for feeling what you are feeling, it is totally normal. take care of yourself.
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Re : Here I go again...

Postby rosemary » Tue Jul 13, 2010 01:57 pm

by rosemary (2360 Posts), Tue Jul 13, 2010 01:57 pm

Jennifer..grief and the difficult days and moments that go with it come and go for me too. In thinking back to the first year after my loss, there were more difficult days than easy ones. For the first few months, I would cry myself to sleep almost every night. I had to function during the day to work, and evenings for my daughter. Night time was the worst. I never thought I would have any kind of normalcy to my life again. I think for me, it was about finding a new normal. It was about continuing to live my life, and deal with the grief at the same time. Sometimes it's easier to just take it day by day...and on the tough days...be very..very gentle with yourself.

I wish you peace and healing. (((HUGS)))



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Re : Here I go again...

Postby frogibe » Tue Jul 13, 2010 09:51 pm

by frogibe (327 Posts), Tue Jul 13, 2010 09:51 pm

Thanks for the encouraging words ladies! I'm glad that I am not the only one who has done a backwards step in the process. I think I just have a lot on my plate between losing my daughter and then my job 2 months later and now trying to find a new home...it is just all overwhelming! I know things will get better! ;0) Thinking and hoping for positive new beginnings and a new normal!
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Re : Here I go again...

Postby sam10 » Tue Jul 13, 2010 10:30 pm

by sam10 (1441 Posts), Tue Jul 13, 2010 10:30 pm

Oh, I am so sorry to hear that you are feeling so terrible. I am just exactly where you are at. At around 6 months I felt I was back to square one (just a couple of weeks ago). It seems that those bad days seem more intense, just as if to test me how much pain I can take this time. But each time the bad days pass, a bit of the terribleness is gone. So, I hope one day this huge pile of sadness and grief inside of me will have dissipated and won't throw me off as much anymore.

I read somewhere that grief is worst at 3 days, 3 months, 6 months and 1 year after the event. It's kinda true for me.

(Hugs). I'll be thinking of you!
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Re : Here I go again...

Postby wrennie » Sun Jul 18, 2010 10:08 pm

by wrennie (1019 Posts), Sun Jul 18, 2010 10:08 pm

I didnt read the other replies, but I bet they said it is totally normal for this to happen. There will always be ups and downs with grief. Sometimes I hate it, but then other times, I am thankful that I can still be so connected to our first born. I can tear up at anytime of day no matter where I am if I just think about her. I imagine that will always be the case because I love her and miss her.

sending you hugs!
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Re : Here I go again...

Postby l412angel » Mon Jul 19, 2010 03:00 pm

by l412angel (1746 Posts), Mon Jul 19, 2010 03:00 pm

(((HUGS))) I felt this way up until 6 months. Then things started to get clearer for me. I still have breakdown days. Know that everyones grief is different and its totally ok :)
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Re : Here I go again...

Postby brianned5 » Mon Jul 19, 2010 06:33 pm

by brianned5 (567 Posts), Mon Jul 19, 2010 06:33 pm

It's been two years for me and the pain is still just as bad. I cry a little pretty much every day and breakdown quite often also. It's just something I have learned to cope with. I got pregnant again less than 6 months after losing Kylie. At times I feel guilty for bringing sorrow into Kyndall's life, but Kylie is our firstborn daughter, she is a part of our family, and she has made us who we are today, so while Kyndall will see our pain, she will also see our joy. I think, I hope, she will be a better, more compassionate person because of it.
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