Jennifer, I found that the grief was a lot like that for me. I thought I was doing really well, then around six months after my son died, I felt like a fog lifted and the grief was back, worse than before. It came and went like that with a lot of intensity for the first year. Then, for me things calmed down. Four years on, I can tell you that those days of intense, painful grief are few and far between, but they do come out of nowhere. I was not emotionally ready to even think about getting pregnant again for the first year, then we waited almost another year after that. That was simply my experience, many of the moms here got pregnant again within a shorter period of time, and that helped them work through their grief. Please don't be upset with yourself for feeling what you are feeling, it is totally normal. take care of yourself.