does anyone else feel like this?

[rgrwife]

It's been almost 5 weeks since the birth of my son. We do not plan on having any more kids. So you'd think that I could put all of this behind me, and never have to think about PE or HELLP again. But instead, I am obsessed with searching the internet to find out as much information as I can. And I think about my experience in the hospital every single day. I should be so happy that I have two healthy boys, but I am still so overwhelmed with everything that happened. I just need some reassurance that I am not crazy!

[jenmatt1]

Laura you are completely normal. I didn't know if we would try again after my daughter. We are pregnant now again but we went back and forth lots of times. I think it is normal to want to find out why this happened to any of us - although I don't think we'll ever get all the answers. I think it just gives us something we feel like we can actually do. I had a healthy daughter too- but I still think we want to know why. I certainly feel lucky and blessed to have her, but I think I still needed to know more about what happened to me- especially since my HELLP came on within a few days. It sort of hit me once it was all over about the grand magnitude of what me & my daughter had been through.

Personally, I think having HELLP took a tremendous toll on my physcial and emotional well being. After 5 weeks I don't even think everything had sunk in yet. My daughter is 2 and even before I was pregnant this time I still had concerns.

[milesymommy]

You're not crazy. That's why so many of us are on the boards months and years after our experience. I too have 2 wonderful and healthy boys. But I'll never forget what happened. We are robbed of the "birth experience" we all thought we would have. The birth of our children - which should be happy - is clouded by worry and stress and fear and oh so many other things. My second pregnancy was healthy, but I worried throughout it. I still think about HELLP - 3 1/2 years after I had it.

[alexa5]

Totally makes sense....my son is 19 mos now and I still love to come here and hang out on the forums, stay updated on new research, etc, and I have no plans to have a second child. It took me many months to get over the frustration of my hospital experience, and though I am in a stronger frame of mind now I still never forget it. I can completely relate to what you are saying. I guess I am kind of obsessed with pre-e, knowing all I can about it, and trying to help others along the way.

[mellybute]

I have two boys, tubes tied, my baby just turned one and I am obsessed with learning as much as I can too about PE. I come to the forum as much as I have time too.

I think for me it is knowledge about something "rare" and spreading the word about these syndromes so that others are aware that this can happen.

It blindsided me when it happened to me. Honestly. You are so NOT alone ;)

[jenprzygoda]

I thought that after a year I wouldn't be here so much, wrong. My son is 15 months and I find myself spending more time on the forum and researching more about HELLP. I just want to know why this happened to me and yet I know that there is a good chance I will never know why. I think at this point a lot of my frustration with having my birth experience stolen from me has given way to a desire to raise awareness for this crazy syndrome that strikes so quickly. Knowing that my life and that of my son were in jeopardy, I just want everyone to know about this syndrome and how dangerous it can be. I never knew a thing about HELLP until after my emergency c-section and now I just want to spread the word. You are not at all alone. Sometimes I felt a bit crazy because my family didn't understand my need to talk to other women about their experiences. WHen you have gone through the experiences we have, you need the support of others who understand. I don't know that I will ever feel "normal" again in the sense that I was before HELLP, but this need for more information and camaraderie with other women who were in my situation has become my new "normal" and I think it will work just fine!

[caryn]

My son is almost eight.

:D

[rgrwife]

Thanks everyone for the replies! All my friends and family have had normal, boring pregnancies, so it's nice to hear from people who have been through the same thing. :)

[beth0277]

You are so normal! I am 5 months PP and there were days early on that I probably spent 8-10 hours researching and trying to find answers. I got all my medical records from my hospital stay and read them all the time.

I eventually had to get on some meds to try to get my mind from racing about my own health. Hopefully it doesn't come to that for you. But know, it is completely normal to feel this way. I think it is because something so rare happened to us so we feel like we are just waiting on something else to happen. At least that is what it is like for me!

[jmom08]

I went through a period where I thought about my hospital experience daily also -- it did get better, to the point I hardly ever remembered. It came back when we started planning to TTC again, but talking to a counselor really helped. So has being involved with the PF. :) Hugs!!