by preemomof2 (1 Posts), Sun Sep 26, 2010 07:30 pm
Today I woke up with a migraine. I have been so depressed and scared lately. I scared about the future. I'm 38 yrs old, no children, and not currently in a stable relationship. I lost my baby on July 22nd due to pe. My heart is so sad. I keep hoping I'm dreaming. That is was just a bad nightmare. I used to be so spiritual, but I have not prayed since I lost my daughter. I cannot imagine that God would not want good people to be parents. Yet, right now I feel so hopeless. I feel like this was my only chance and its gone. The loss of a child brings a profound lonliness that cannot be explained. Sometimes it hurts to breathe. Iknow tomorrow is another day, so I will hope that feeling goes away.
Oh wow- it's like you're me. Same age, no other children, lost daughter in July, no stable relationship, both feeling pain, anger & bitterness. I'm sorry that we're both in this situation.
It does hurt physically and spiritually and sometimes when I realize that this loss will be with me for the rest of my life, I'm not sure I can do it. However, I do have some moments of feeling like I'm going to make it and I hope you do too.
I was 37 (just a few days short of my 38th birthday) when I lost my daughter to PE at 26 weeks - that was May 2009. I know all the emotions you are expressing only too well. The older age just brings an added fear that I somehow "messed up" my only chance to have a child.
I am now 27 weeks pregnant again (now 39+) and hoping for the best this time - things do seem to be doing better. I had given up hope of having a healthy living child (2 miscarraiges after my PE stillbirth); this has not exactly been easy. But I was starting to feel better and accept what had happened even before I got pregnant again. For both of you, your losses are still so bitterly recent.
Even if this baby is born fine I will always hurt at the loss of Alice, but I really hope and believe that things can and will get better for both of you xx
I understand completely. It's so unfair when you see all of these parents that take it for granted that they can have children. So many people that can breeze through a pregnancy, and yet here we are, worried for our lives and the lives of our children.
I believe there is nothing worse in the world than the loss of your child.