I thought that after a year I wouldn't be here so much, wrong. My son is 15 months and I find myself spending more time on the forum and researching more about HELLP. I just want to know why this happened to me and yet I know that there is a good chance I will never know why. I think at this point a lot of my frustration with having my birth experience stolen from me has given way to a desire to raise awareness for this crazy syndrome that strikes so quickly. Knowing that my life and that of my son were in jeopardy, I just want everyone to know about this syndrome and how dangerous it can be. I never knew a thing about HELLP until after my emergency c-section and now I just want to spread the word. You are not at all alone. Sometimes I felt a bit crazy because my family didn't understand my need to talk to other women about their experiences. WHen you have gone through the experiences we have, you need the support of others who understand. I don't know that I will ever feel "normal" again in the sense that I was before HELLP, but this need for more information and camaraderie with other women who were in my situation has become my new "normal" and I think it will work just fine!