Thanks so much!
My story goes that I had been extremely sick for about a month (I just thought it was a normal feeling of pregnancy) before my blood pressure was checked by my midwives on a regular meeting and I was sent off to run blood tests. I got blood tests at a different facility and urine tests at the Women's Health hospital. My urine was really poor and they wanted to keep me but the blood tests were elsewhere and I was let go for one more night. They got the results in during the morning and asked me to come in immediately. It was a lot of room shifting, checking, tests, and sitting around not knowing what was going on, to finally be told some time in the evening that I needed to stay for the night.
During the night, I had a horrible sharp pain in my lower body and was sent downstairs to start inducing labor while being given more tests. I remember throwing up from the magnesium, bands around my belly, beeping, the IV setup, and a whole day and a half of being trapped in this tiny tiny tiny room. My doctor was telling me if I didn't give birth at 3:00 AM, they'd give me a C-section, but we pulled through and Malcolm was born on June 8, 2008 at 3:06 AM at 31-32 weeks. The doctor arrived late and Mal was already there, ha ha! He was born only 6lbs 6oz but 2 feet long.
We had a total trauma of Mal being suffocated and turning purple when I was on my side breastfeeding just moments after birth. I was so out of it and other people were handling things and moving him around that I don't know how it happened. I just try to tell myself it wasn't my fault. He was rushed out of the room, and so did everyone else, and I was alone for this horrible time until my midwife came in and told me everything was okay and they were just checking his vitals.
After that it was all a mesh of bad sleepless experiences mixed in with some very supportive care from nurses downstairs who subverted the system and kept sneaking us donor milk, so thankfully Mal was very well taken care of. We were both jaundiced, I had no milk supply because of the magnesium, and we just brought that home with us.
I had a reflective moment yesterday and realized what kicked the anxiety in. I did something to my wrist lifting something or pressing against something the wrong way and had a minor pain but some major bruising. I think it subconsciously put me back in that time when I had an IV and ART line coming out of me. There was a period of about three days where they kept sticking needles in me but eventually they couldn't find anymore "good" spots so they put an ART line in instead. That ended up being better; it was really the IV that got in the way, not only being post-pregnant but also having to haul the pole down a tight angle of a tiny room to get to the bathroom.
Eventually near the end of my stay, the IV was supposed to be taken out, but it was just disconnected. It was supposed to be flushed regularly but ended up miscommunicated to nurses that the whole thing had been removed and didn't get addressed until I finally asked a totally different nurse if the discoloration, bruising, and pain on my wrist was normal. She looked at me in shock, dashed off, and came back and informed me she was going to remove it without doctor consent because it had to come out. I later tried to explain what happened to my doctor and she completely ignored me and replied, "Oh yes, I told them to remove that already, it was all taken care of," and I was treated like I didn't know what I was talking about as if I was just out of it and couldn't remember days.
I still don't know entirely the extent of what happened to me, but after reading these forums, things are coming back to me. Terms, ratings. I know I had a severe case, that my platelets were going down steadily and dropped to a deadly count right after birth, that my urine was very very bad, and that this followed after extreme pain that I had been experiencing for a month. Plus there were other things, pardon the grossness, like my feces had been yellow for a month before they caught my blood pressure. My regular check-in with my midwives had been delayed because they were handling pregnancies so it was caught late. I go through times where I just feel like such an idiot for not going in earlier, but I have to remember that we both made it, and we're doing well now.
Wow, I just typed a lot, but I've never done that before, and I do feel so much better!