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6 Pregnant Friends and a Pregnant Sister

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Re : 6 Pregnant Friends and a Pregnant Sister

Postby trish9 » Thu Jul 29, 2010 09:01 pm

by trish9 (74 Posts), Thu Jul 29, 2010 09:01 pm

Jasmine, I'm sorry for what you are going through. I too have been surrounded by pregnant women. Four of my co-workers recently had babies. One had hers a day before what should have been my son's due date. One of the others had her baby 5 weeks ago and a friend of hers was bringing around birth announcements at work today. She actually came into my cubicle and put the picture in front of me and said "just look at how adorable this is! Isn't it precious!" She then proceeded to point out the unusual spelling of his name, blah blah blah. I was barely able to squeak out a reply. Some people are just really clueless....Glad we can find women here who understand
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Re : 6 Pregnant Friends and a Pregnant Sister

Postby uncskristy » Fri Jul 30, 2010 03:14 pm

by uncskristy (171 Posts), Fri Jul 30, 2010 03:14 pm

Some people definitely say the wrong thing. Someone told me the other day that everything happens for a reason. I wanted to scream what the heck could be a good enough reason for taking my son away from me. But I was nice and just said nothing to that comment. I wish people would be honest and just say I can not imagine what you are going through and I don't know what to say. I do have friends that have not really spoken to my husband or I since Cooper's death. And my husband has family members that have not even acknowledged that we lost our son.
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Re : 6 Pregnant Friends and a Pregnant Sister

Postby caryn » Sat Jul 31, 2010 10:21 pm

by caryn (10124 Posts), Sat Jul 31, 2010 10:21 pm

Grief is shockingly non-negotiable. And some people just don't get that.
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Re : 6 Pregnant Friends and a Pregnant Sister

Postby riehlism » Sun Aug 01, 2010 00:11 am

by riehlism (655 Posts), Sun Aug 01, 2010 00:11 am

What would have been more comforting for me was for people to tell me that they have absolutely no clue about where I'm coming from: the emotional and physical pain. Perhaps they could even say is all they have to offer is an ear. Attempting to understand, or standing aloof of the situation until I'm "back to normal," or assuming there is a timeline in the grieving process with a definitive endpoint is insulting and insensitive.

Most people are amateurs in dealing with a profound loss. It forces us to explore feelings that we really would rather not experience...and I do believe that is applicable to our friends and families as well. It really highlights those people who are good communicators and good about acknowledging uncomfortable feelings and are able to face them. Unfortunately, it also seems to highlight those whose only mechanism is to sweep it under the rug and hope it goes away.

There has to be a high school or college requirement for at least one semester of various types of communication techniques. Now I'm just rambling. Sorry. But seriously, sometimes common sense goes a long way.
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Re : 6 Pregnant Friends and a Pregnant Sister

Postby miamibunnie » Sun Aug 01, 2010 00:30 am

by miamibunnie (510 Posts), Sun Aug 01, 2010 00:30 am

Jasmin i know what your going through. My baby passed away in April 18th and what makes it worse is that my own I thought was my best friend had the odasity to tell me she went dancing. She only visited me once. I tell you after I was discharged she tells me she is planning to have another child. She has no feelings at all. I tell u what my relationship with her has truly changed, and she has noticed it. It took me 2 months to talk to her.
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Re : 6 Pregnant Friends and a Pregnant Sister

Postby riehlism » Wed Aug 04, 2010 04:08 pm

by riehlism (655 Posts), Wed Aug 04, 2010 04:08 pm

You really get to see who your true friends are. It's surprising to see who end up being there in the end and disheartening and disappointing to find out those who could care less.
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